The car ride there was a quiet one. The warm has turned cold again...
The smell was familiar...nose burning clean...
The shine on the floor was fresh and ready to face the ups and downs of the day...
The taste of coffee was now mixing with the forced mint gum that I popped into my mouth in the parking lot. My gram is smart, witty, and able. She would know that I had coffee...something I don't do on a Sunday anymore...because Sunday is suppose to be the day of no forced alertness....I didn't want her to think about the 3 hours of sleep I got the night before my trip to her....just to know I was there.
The coldness of every door handle...
I went to the nurses desk. Consoling faces met my swollen eyes and her nurse walked me to her room. I didn't want to wake her, but she assured me she was awake.
She was. And surprised to see my face. I cried. She pretended to ignore it. Changing the subject. Looking for my shadow, my "little sister" iggy. She did her best to make me smile. I conceded as she talked about how normal her grandkids were compared to her own children. She told me the eye glass story as if it was something she should have been reporting for the evening news. I let her talk. I'd hear this story 3 more times today.
I just wanted to see her. Needed to see her. Needed it to be real.
She'll go home. She'll live like a princess until it's time. Every need she has will be tended to with pleasure and arguments over who gets the right to do it. Every life she's touched, for 5 minutes or 50 years...she will leave a hole.
I don't know what life will be like without her in it. She's a pillar in my life. And I seem to be running out of them. The best news today that I have is that I have realized any problem I thought I had no longer exists. My moments will be spent enjoying every piece of her I have left and trying to quietly share her with the other mass of people that she has touched by just her being her.
I feel as though my life is about to be redefined.
The smell was familiar...nose burning clean...
The shine on the floor was fresh and ready to face the ups and downs of the day...
The taste of coffee was now mixing with the forced mint gum that I popped into my mouth in the parking lot. My gram is smart, witty, and able. She would know that I had coffee...something I don't do on a Sunday anymore...because Sunday is suppose to be the day of no forced alertness....I didn't want her to think about the 3 hours of sleep I got the night before my trip to her....just to know I was there.
The coldness of every door handle...
I went to the nurses desk. Consoling faces met my swollen eyes and her nurse walked me to her room. I didn't want to wake her, but she assured me she was awake.
She was. And surprised to see my face. I cried. She pretended to ignore it. Changing the subject. Looking for my shadow, my "little sister" iggy. She did her best to make me smile. I conceded as she talked about how normal her grandkids were compared to her own children. She told me the eye glass story as if it was something she should have been reporting for the evening news. I let her talk. I'd hear this story 3 more times today.
I just wanted to see her. Needed to see her. Needed it to be real.
She'll go home. She'll live like a princess until it's time. Every need she has will be tended to with pleasure and arguments over who gets the right to do it. Every life she's touched, for 5 minutes or 50 years...she will leave a hole.
I don't know what life will be like without her in it. She's a pillar in my life. And I seem to be running out of them. The best news today that I have is that I have realized any problem I thought I had no longer exists. My moments will be spent enjoying every piece of her I have left and trying to quietly share her with the other mass of people that she has touched by just her being her.
I feel as though my life is about to be redefined.
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That was scary!