STEPHANIE
I have hurt you. Not my intention. To be honest i thought you hated me so much you would never read this.
To be honest i have come to the realization that no one reads my bullshit. Because my life is very nconsequential to existence. I have never gotten over you. I never truly will. As much as we have hurt each other I will always love you. to see you move on hurts more than you can know. The walls in the house know. The guy at the bar knows, because i have punched all of those things. I feel like i have been punched repeatedly. Not physically but mentally. Not being able to sleep because of what you do with your life. Everyone of your talks with me has ended up to trading barbs that cause me to cry or close off. It has driven me up the walls. It makes me cry, I am chain smoking now. I am laying here hoping that i die. Because that is all I have left. I want you to be healthy. That is all I want. For christs sake I have no chance of sleeping again tonight.
To everyone else. As much as Steph and I love to try to murder eachother, she is not a bad person. If she was evil or awful why would i spend time even talking about her. I am a hurt person. Her elaving me hurt. Her leaving the second time killed. And yet still here I am thinking about if her and I were to meet ten years down the road. I am a loser. I get that. It is truly my fault. I can admit to many of my fuck ups in life. I got fired from a job for calling the boss a jerk. I chose to fuck up school twice. I chose to spend money i didn't have. I chose to live as a thief for a while. I chose to be the absolute asshole i was, and sometimes revisit. I would say if anything everyone should visit her and wish her well. Because when people are down they need the help of the village to make it.
Fuck it, i should not be allowed to talk to people in general.
I have hurt you. Not my intention. To be honest i thought you hated me so much you would never read this.
To be honest i have come to the realization that no one reads my bullshit. Because my life is very nconsequential to existence. I have never gotten over you. I never truly will. As much as we have hurt each other I will always love you. to see you move on hurts more than you can know. The walls in the house know. The guy at the bar knows, because i have punched all of those things. I feel like i have been punched repeatedly. Not physically but mentally. Not being able to sleep because of what you do with your life. Everyone of your talks with me has ended up to trading barbs that cause me to cry or close off. It has driven me up the walls. It makes me cry, I am chain smoking now. I am laying here hoping that i die. Because that is all I have left. I want you to be healthy. That is all I want. For christs sake I have no chance of sleeping again tonight.
To everyone else. As much as Steph and I love to try to murder eachother, she is not a bad person. If she was evil or awful why would i spend time even talking about her. I am a hurt person. Her elaving me hurt. Her leaving the second time killed. And yet still here I am thinking about if her and I were to meet ten years down the road. I am a loser. I get that. It is truly my fault. I can admit to many of my fuck ups in life. I got fired from a job for calling the boss a jerk. I chose to fuck up school twice. I chose to spend money i didn't have. I chose to live as a thief for a while. I chose to be the absolute asshole i was, and sometimes revisit. I would say if anything everyone should visit her and wish her well. Because when people are down they need the help of the village to make it.
Fuck it, i should not be allowed to talk to people in general.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
genevalw:
Also...thanks for the appology of sorts....sorry I had to call you piss drunk last night and bitch but I feel a lot better having confronted you about things.....shame I had to get drunk to do it.....anyhow.....ttyl
c6h12o6:
Hey. Don't think you're inconsequential to existence. To all you meet you have an impact on. That's a big deal. Keep those impacts positive and its even better. We all have our demons, but they don't have to rule us.