jordan

((((((((((((Some assholes deserve a straight kick right in the balls. Hahaha, so last night I gave this dudes nads an old school powwow with my platform wooden shoe. It was awesome. This guy has been poppin up in bars and bothering me for some time. First off he doesnt know how to dress. Just fuggun stop with the hot topic fishnet armwear already. And his skin would make better leather, Ed Gein style. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch at Trash and feelin sleepy but I wanted to go out and see my mans band, funeral crashers play. This walking hot topic fest is always at the shows too. I saw him lurking in the corner, watching me. I tried to send him a telepathic warning I guess he didnt receive. He came over and sat right next to me, so our legs were touching, oh, vomit. Then he asked me why I didnt look like I was having a good time, why wasnt I dancing. Then he started rubbing my arm, spreading his ugly germs. Oh jesus. I threw my hands up and moved over to let him know that shit wasnt gonna fly. Then he said, So are you in a band? this is the usual pickup line in hipster land. Im so sick of being asked that. So I told him I was a writer. I dunno why, like this fool reads anything other than timeout and village voice to circle all the stalker clubs. He said do you have a blog? for motherfuggun god tears, do I have a fuggun blog? My space slut. I said no, Im published. Then he asked, is it fiction? how lame. How predictable. Then he touched me AGAIN. After I told him not to. I knew I was sleepy and drunk so I told myself not to freak out but when it happened for the third time I stood up and almost grabbed a beer bottle to throw at him but he leaped up and went over to his little group of friends and I went outside for some fresh air where there was yet another stalker in the making awaiting, some bloated worm lookin fella and he said, Awe you look sad. I said I was fine just tired. He stared at me before walking away like he wanted some kind of going away party. That was it, I had to hurt someone. I went back in the bar and saw hot topic slut bending over talking to another girl and I kicked him right between the legs. The look on his face was priceless and I have it as a gift in my head now whenever I feel down, Ill just picture his face at that very second and feel so happy. I could have totally kept up and beat him into someone cool maybe, but I decided it was time to go home***************

In other news I just shaved my catpn crunch. Fun, fun.
Okay, I have to get to packing. it was a fun day of buying beach stuff, this trip should be awesome. Goin down south to get dirty wasted sunburned see some cool rock bands and play some air hockey. I get on the table. I get violent.

And if you havent checked out Babyshambles, do yourself a favor and do it because Pete Doherty is one of the few exciting dangerous rock stars with his balls still in tact.

Mmmmmmm, balls. and apparently he likes to be beat up. Cos he let kate moss kick his ass and thats hot. Man I wanna beat someone else up. Any willing volunteers??

I'm about to start reading "The Mole People," about life underground in the tunnels. lookin forward to it. Everyone have a splendid memorial day weekend!!!!!!!!!!! and if you haven't done so yet buy my book, i'll be doing readings and promotion stuff when i get back to new york. i'm also working on a new novel, titled "Hear The Siren," (yes, it's from an Offspring song from 1994) which should be out next october..........
have a safe and awesome memorial day weekend. )))))))))))))))))))))))))