jordan

guess who's drunk and typing in the dark? it helps to be a writer cos i can type now without looking at the keyboard.
fuck it. lights on.
champs. i got bad news to report. besides the fact that i gave birth to an alien baby this week and i fear i must give up for adoption, i got the following letter from my editor:
"what the fuck? you know i got food poisoning just like you did. and you expect me to edit such things as a boy getting a blow job from a K9 then not to mention what occurs after and i'm puking as we speak, i can't possibly have chuckers done until the weekend so please be patient."
so please be a little more patient for the release of my book - the longer you wait the harder you cum...........

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So as you probably heard I had food poisoning. Not even I am masochistic enough to enjoy what Ive been thru this week. I was leaving a comment for Kasara with a pic of Brian Molko right after I ate this nuclear weapon. I started to feel dizzy and thought maybe it was because of Brians handsomeness.
I mean just look:

Then I stood up and felt my entire body go dead cold. I knew I had to work the next day and wanted whatever this was in me out so I shocked my system more by tossing back some Absinthe and forcing myself to vomit. Lots of things came up, everything from food to a few one-hit wonders from 1994. I even think there were some ex-boyfriends in the mix. Cos love is a cannibal and I ate a few back in the day.
The next day I felt fine and thought it was over. Then Monday came and I made the mistake of eating breakfast. What upset me more than vomiting ten times during Prison Break Monday night was the fact that when I called this place from hell on Tuesday to tell them what had happened to us and that we wanted our money back this woman I talked to giggled and hung up the phone. Giggled. What kind of hell demon cunt is she? I called back and she did it again. I also heard people in the background laughing along with her. I called the health department and the guy I spoke to, someone who finally seemed to hold genuine human qualities, promised me this place would receive a health inspection within the next two weeks. Ill get the details of the inspection once they do. Ill let you know what was discovered. I imagine dead rats on the floor, green cheese and a dead baby in the fridge. I imagine the kitchen to inspire the next Cannibal Corpse album cover art. I imagine cooks with bloody hands fingering steaks. I imagine endless darkness and stabbing depravity. Okay, Ill stop.
I woke up Wednesday with an alien army in my stomach. I took them to work but they nor me wanted to stick around so (even though theres this girl that annoys me like a cancer on crack and I thought maybe if I stuck around I could throw up on her) I came back home and slept for half the day then I met my sweetie and he brought me a healthy lunch and I managed to eat a few bites of seaweed salad and keep it down. Slowly I am feeling better. The army stomping is fading out. Were joining a gym. I want to stay healthy, fit, and question whatever I eat after this.
Next week should be much better than this one. Ill be reading from Chuckers Friday night at Mr. Whipples penthouse, where there will be an exquisite abundance of red wine and a grill on the terrace amongst Mr. Whipples pet bunny farm. I cant wait to set by the fireplace and converse with other authors
Well thats whats up with me. Let me know how you are, champs, and what you think of my book (once its finally out).
btw Last Days is an incredible film, dark and endless....michael pitt IS talented.
Huggies.
don't stop believin.........