jora

10/28/2005

Okay, Ive broken through the nervousness. I am logged onto my PSO job as I type this. Ive already taken 3 short calls. Two got down to business, albeit quickly. I felt a little awkward, but its coming back to me. I do miss it. I miss playing with my sexuality and sexual power. Its been a long time. Sigh I guess I need to email all my past clients and tell them the sex kitten is back for fun.

In other news, that guy I had the job interview with finally emailed me today asking if I can start this Tuesday. I dont want to, but I have to. I have to at least try. I am afraid that I will let Brian down if I dont. I need to bring in some money or we are screwed.

I was thinking of applying for SSI (due to anxiety and Lupus). I dont think they would let me work as a PSO if I got it though. Then what? I still want to look into it. I know that everyone thinks that leaving the apartment will be good for me, but even the idea of it makes me want to vomit. I dont want to have to dope up on my anxiety meds just to do this part-time job. I am going to propose that we try it out for a time and see if I am the right fit for the office. I dont want to feel trapped. I do stupid things when I feel trapped.

Brian is still in Hawaii. He comes back Monday morning. I hope that I am still in a good frame of mind Monday night, because I really want to go see Mike M. at the poetry slam. Just seeing him makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

November 1, Brian and I are starting two big things NaNoWriMo and a healthy living plan (aka diet and exercise). I dont know which makes me more nervous. I am excited about both, but I tend to get discouraged very easily, so I hope I can take it all day by day.

Here is the link if you want to check it out.
NaNoWriMo

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10/29/2005

I am really starting to freak out about this part-time job. Just thinking about it brings on low-grade anxiety. I dont want to work there. The guy hasnt even told me exactly what he wants me to do. BUT, I feel like I would be letting Brian down if I dont at least try. We are strapped for cash, and I feel like its my fault. Maybe I will do a resume and sign up on Monster and CareerBuilder and see what pops up.

I find that I am nervous all over again about doing phone sex. I took 3 short calls last night and I thought I was over the back-to-the-job jitters, but alas, no. Update I was stressing for nothing. Ive had a great night with the fellow perverts out there. The more calls I take, the more I realize how much I missed doing this! Meow! And the cash doesnt hurt either. Brian will be as happy as I am about it. Yay!

PHONE SEX (or, ME, IF I WERE A WOODEN FIGURE):


I checked into applying for SSI or disability, and it looks like a crazy hassle. I guess I will give up on it. Things like that, and like dealing with medical insurance, literally make me cry. What a wimp I am.

I am watching horror movie marathons on Sci-Fi and AMC today. I wish they would have better ones on. Ive seen the ones they are showing a million times. Grr. All I wanted for my October was some really good scares, but it doesnt look like I am going to get them.

Man, its late. Time for sleep.