jora

You're right, it's much better to be empoyed than not. Bummer you had to work such long hours and bring work home to take today off.

Hope you got a good nights sleep and don't end up working too hard this weekend. bastards.

I had insomnia on monday and tuesday night when I was ill. it was terrible.

Hi...

Thoughts on the gift of the truck...

It is possible that some part of her enjoys those moments when you have been caring towards her recently, and this gift idea could be (partially) a crude attempt on her part to get more kindness from you.

Every human being has needs... kindness from their sons or daughters surely being high on the list of many. Maybe as she is getting older this need is increasing.

If you feel up to it, you could politely refuse the new truck, discuss letting her get that tune up for you instead (tell her it is more appropriate), and then totally independently of it all you can continue trying to be "a good daughter" with an altruistic intent. She may not be capable of repaying your kindness in any real fashion, but that's the way it is sometimes...

On the other hand if you are struggling financially but she can easily afford to help, then accepting your family's help is normal in that situation. Although then you might as well just politely ask her for the house down payment instead of the truck.

At the end of the day, any gift is basically the opposite of a hostile gesture, so it is a good sign that you may be on the road to working things out with her slowly.

And remember the past exists only in our memories, sometimes it is worth putting other people's mistakes behind us and giving them a fresh start...

But this is only general, naturally I am unable to say anything specific to your situation, only you know what is best.



[Edited on Aug 21, 2003]

I must say you are a pretty sharp tack.
I not only think you have your mother pegged, but she may also be my mother. ok not really, but my mom lives this same "giving with strings" deal. you gotta love it.
ok, no you dont. hehe

About feeling nothing, I have been there before and it was part of meds kicking in. At the time is was bliss because I was feeling extremly suicidal and self destructive. I'd wait for a while and see what happens.

I dunno about the truck. Has your mother being going to therapyy or some sort of 12 step program? She could really be trying to make amends and she doesn't know of any other way to do so. Your probably right though.

I would talk to her about why she is doing this and why your are afraid of taking her gift.

LOL... I do need to change the profile pic

The 'beast' was that big, but I took the pic close to it and stood back (for good reason) so it looks bigger than my head... it was only about 6 inches long! Greated me in Queensland one morning!

As for emotional blackmail... tricky one, not sure of the answer! Good luck!!

I agree with you that baseball is horribly boring on TV being their in person is much better in my opinon.

I'm sure you will find someone. If I can find someone to date anyone can.

Hmmm....mango sorbet

"King Of fun"!? IT just looks that way on paper sometimes I think. I guess I have good things to do now and again. Not as much as I used, or would like to but I get by. I just can't understand why I got the
"chemical imbalance" thing going on in my nugget. I should be happy as a northwest clam. Anyhow I hope you feel better in the morning and have a good work week. Ryan-

Clitida was giving me a hard time because I thought she wished me a happy almost birthday instead of you. My fault. I feel such shame.

I wish I could just tune my mother out but keeps wanting to know what is going on in my life so I have to interact with her. Bah.

When Taco say the mutt she ran and hid under my bed. She is such a fraidi cat sometimes. I moved all her stuff into my bedroom and bathroom for the night and shut my door and she was much happier about it. She acted all strange when the dog left this morning and she started exploring again.

I am glad I am your friend. Having you say such nice things filled me with warm fuzzies.

Hope your day isn't too bad.

later,
Rodney

Women. Well, one woman in particular. And to be even more particular, our relationship and where it's headed.
It's the sort of thing that makes me stay up until 2am while she's at a party just in case she calls and says she needs a ride.

Oh, and I love the massage idea.

boring is what you make of it.
And I know its better than random crying, becasue no one likes that.

Yeah! I like the old you, which is now the new you. Hope work is better for friday, and enjoy the weekend.

For my birthday I am I going out with my Mom tonight, hanging with a friend that I had since High School tomorrow if things go well, going to a play on Friday and a minor league baseball game on Saturday.

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better today. After I got home I remembered that you had just upped your meds and those could be causing some problems as well.

So, what are you goig to do on your vacation? I still haven't unpackes things from when I moved out of my parents house after college. Me thinks it might be time to get rid of some of those things.

Hope you had a good day.

wow. thank you dearly for that poem. i'm not deserving of such eloquence! you speak of your disguise melting...that was more your doing than mine, but i'm glad i could help trigger such inspiration and revelation. keep writing and i hope to talk to you soon.

You're right, usually people don't care, and that is only one of the myriad things that is dreadfully wrong with life on this planet today... I hope you've told your doctor about this; maybe your medication needs to be adjusted. At any rate, please don't go through this alone!!! And please feel free to talk to me anytime.

Well, I made it home and I'm a little more balanced now. I ended up crying like an ass at work. Luckily, there was only one witness and she was cool about it.

Give Taco big 'ol kitty kisses for me.

I am worried about you right now. You should see about getting in to see your doc or therapist. Truely carzy people don't know that they are crazy but people with depression or anxiety attacks know that something is wrong which makes things worse.

I have cried a number of times at work with many witnesses and they always seemed much more upset by it than I was.

Hopefully no one has been in your appartment. That would be way too spooky and scary for words. And feel free to use my email address any time.

take care,
Rodney

Thanks for posting

I hope you liked my stuff, I hope it didn't sound too bad, I also wrote a long thing that I can't fit in one sound byte because the program I have only lets me record 1 min. worth. what I wrote is in 'poetry kicks ass' under just a poem.

Thanks again

Funny that, finding the effort to post a bit hard too. Must be a full moon or something

hey, I always love getting your comments dear!!


I think it's good for you to have this journal, or any for that matter. It's good to write down how you feel... it helps.
Hope you get things sorted out in your head. I beleive though, that a person lucky enough to have a glimpse of the real you, should be damn honored and feel blessed.

*hugs*
take care

I am sorry that you are having uch a hard time. Please don't disappear there are people here that like interacting with you.

Hang in there until you can get home. And I am very sorry that some people where assholes. Some people just can't help it.

Taco would loved to get huged on.

later,
Rodney

Bummer you had to work yesterday but money is always good. I hope it wasn't tooo horrible.

Opening up to folks is alwya s scary but generally wothwhile in my experience. Few of them every really understand what I am telling them but most of them try their best to be supportive and listen.

I found your poem very sad but well done.

Taco sends you purrrs and shed hair.

Schlep

Hey you, enjoy your webcam?

very sexy.

3 floors. Egad. I guess I would the daily exercise would be good for me but hauling my books and tv up their would be a real pain in the butt and back. The whole process would probably convince me to through a lot of stuff away though.

The traffic patterns for LAX are visible from my office and it is great to watch them take off and land but I can't hear the planes though. I have a similar experience with traffic. I have gooten so used to it I have a hard time not being near it.

Wouldn't say that you look depressed but thoughtful.

And Taco loves getting loved on. What is your feline friend's name anyway?

Schlep

i dig that poem.
...She chooses to lay with the Beast.
very cool line i must say.