jonnythedamned

Trying to cheer myself up...

How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the door while it's under water.

How do you burn an Irishman's ear?
Ring him up while he's ironing.

How do you get a one armed Irishman out of a tree?
Wave to him.

How do you make a Scotsman run a mile?
Roll a penny down a steep hill.

What goes "peck peck boom?"
A chicken in a mine field.

Did you hear about the karate expert that joined the army?
The first time he saluted he killed himself.

Why did the English bank robber get caught?
He left his umbrella in the bank, then went to the police station to claim it.

Why are Siberian dogs such fast runners?
Because the trees are so far apart.

*knock knock*
Who's there?
Stan.
Stan who?
Stan back I got a battering ram!

What did the robot say to the gas pump?
Take your finger out of your ear when I'm talking to you.

Taken from the Art of Shen Ku by Zeek.