Saturday Sep 20, 2003

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mmmmm work was lame, i was terrified that we were gonna get fisted last night and it ended up being a bag of suck, but i was staffed, boy was i. like 6 insiders, and 7 drivers, all doing what i asked em to do, i dont know what to say..... i liked it alot..... mmm... my vengance to one of my roomies is at hand, im going to give warnings to him for 2 days then i'll strike.... and i'll laugh a lot.... i love to laugh, i laughed at work today, i met an old friend... i mean oooooollll dddddd friend, like when i was 14 and younger old.... he does drugs, my old christian go to church and wouldn't disobey his parents friend is like a hardcore pothead, i knew it would catch up to him..... he's cool, still is who he was just older and more drug related..... nnn drugs i want some drugs...... i might be able to get some today if i play my hand just right and wake up early enough. puke
marychrist:
"I do tell her i love her, and i tel her im not in love with her, and i also tell her that i dont want her to have to worry about any of my problems, because she has so many of her own.... now the contradicting part..... i want her to let me help her when she needs it, and i want her to help me now if we while we're together we get into trouble, but i dont want help in my past problems... why i dont know... i feel she shouldnt be burdened with my stuff... but if she would allow me to burden myself with her stuff then cool, cause i would love to help her out....."

Well, relationships are often messy and contradictory - nothing wrong with that - but when you both seem to be hurting you obviously need to talk things out a bit more and spend time listening to each other.
jeremyh:
The fear of being alone is always there. I learned too late about the consequences of pushing someone away. I lost her. Before it happened I used to try manifest the pain and try to create scenerios where our relationship wouldn't work out because of what I might... or what we might go through. Because of that, I would intentionally create distance to try to prevent the worst-case scenerio from happening. Then the worst case scenerio did happen: I lost her. And it had nothing to do with any of the bullshit catastophies that I thought might occur. It was my fear that ruined everything... everything. So if you want to change, you have to let go and make yourself vunerable to the person you're commited to. That's it. It's fucking hard. I still have problems with it.

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