So I feel emotionally busy lately.
About three weeks ago my aunt (my dad's baby sister) died suddenly, the autopsy indicates that it was a blood clot in the lungs that passed into the heart which, for the lack of better phrasing, knocked her dead. It was sudden and tragic for the whole family. She was my grandparents caregiver, and so now the entire family has been mobilized to figure out how to best see that they are best taken care of: both are in their late 80's and with a lot of health problems, and my grandfather is also one of the most stubborn men on the planet. Not to mention the emotional toll on my cousins and their families, along with my father, my other aunt and my uncle. Emotionally it's hard because not only did my family lose my mom, but also my other set of close cousins lost their mom not more than a year before my mother passed. So this really is dredging up a lot of old emotions that many of us have gone through before.
To top that all off, yesterday evening while I was with my father--who has been traveling every weekend up to my grandparents to work with his brother and others to try and deal with things with my grandparents--had one of the most terrifying moments in my entire life. I was talking to my father when he mentioned, casually, that he felt dizzy. Not a moment later did his eyes roll up, it sounded like he couldn't breathe, but he was unresponsive for a solid twenty seconds. He came out of it, after I was screaming at him and hitting at him. We called 911, the paramedics took him away and rushed him to ER. He's been in the hospital having dozens of tests done, and will be there no less than until Saturday. Turns out that with his A-fib his heart stopped for several seconds. So he's having a pace maker put in him in the morning.
On the outside I've been pretty sane, but on the inside I've been going absolutely crazy, especially the last 24 hours or so. I'm running on maybe 4 hours of sleep, I'm unable to sleep, and terrified. Since my mom passed back in 2000 my dad has been my rock. He's my hero. I love my father, he is the example of being a good, caring, loving man that I have always wanted to emulate--even when we have clashed. I've spent moments literally shaking.
So yeah, just wanted to throw that out there. Fuck.
About three weeks ago my aunt (my dad's baby sister) died suddenly, the autopsy indicates that it was a blood clot in the lungs that passed into the heart which, for the lack of better phrasing, knocked her dead. It was sudden and tragic for the whole family. She was my grandparents caregiver, and so now the entire family has been mobilized to figure out how to best see that they are best taken care of: both are in their late 80's and with a lot of health problems, and my grandfather is also one of the most stubborn men on the planet. Not to mention the emotional toll on my cousins and their families, along with my father, my other aunt and my uncle. Emotionally it's hard because not only did my family lose my mom, but also my other set of close cousins lost their mom not more than a year before my mother passed. So this really is dredging up a lot of old emotions that many of us have gone through before.
To top that all off, yesterday evening while I was with my father--who has been traveling every weekend up to my grandparents to work with his brother and others to try and deal with things with my grandparents--had one of the most terrifying moments in my entire life. I was talking to my father when he mentioned, casually, that he felt dizzy. Not a moment later did his eyes roll up, it sounded like he couldn't breathe, but he was unresponsive for a solid twenty seconds. He came out of it, after I was screaming at him and hitting at him. We called 911, the paramedics took him away and rushed him to ER. He's been in the hospital having dozens of tests done, and will be there no less than until Saturday. Turns out that with his A-fib his heart stopped for several seconds. So he's having a pace maker put in him in the morning.
On the outside I've been pretty sane, but on the inside I've been going absolutely crazy, especially the last 24 hours or so. I'm running on maybe 4 hours of sleep, I'm unable to sleep, and terrified. Since my mom passed back in 2000 my dad has been my rock. He's my hero. I love my father, he is the example of being a good, caring, loving man that I have always wanted to emulate--even when we have clashed. I've spent moments literally shaking.
So yeah, just wanted to throw that out there. Fuck.
vegas_:
Dam brother ... it looks like you are having some scary times at home 
If you ever need anything or need a chat you know where to find me brother <3
If you ever need anything or need a chat you know where to find me brother <3
jonnyfancypotato:
Thanks man. That means a lot. <3