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joker_

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Member Since 2005

Followers 50 Following 56

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Thursday Dec 24, 2009

Dec 24, 2009
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What a very strange experience life has been.

One of my favorite memories regarding this time of year is that in England when I was young James Bond movie marathons would happen during these last few weeks of the year, I moved to America and it started happening here too.

It is outrageously ironic that visions of an over the top archetype of masculinity that sleeps with as many women as possible and kills without compunction occupies the same headspace as xmas trees, church ceremonies and the idea of good will to all.

By the way, yes I do relate to James Bond, far more than I relate xmas. I love to drive, drink (not at the same time as driving, have some faith), travel and be around pretty women. As a teenager all I could see myself doing was becoming a member of the S.A.S. Luckily for me, nothing ever came of that daydream. Regardless of my lack of a license to kill, I look "pretty" in a suit.

So rather than wish any of you a Merry Xmas, which can be so trite and cliche. I'm instead going to share my favorite James Bond intro songs and commentaries so you can all have dreams of driving, fucking, travelling, gambling and yes if you're feeling like it killing bad guys (now there is some xmas spirit unlike any other.)

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


This movie comes on TV an awful lot. That opening scene with the fighter jets is priceless.




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Shut up! I fucking loved it.



SPOILERS! (Click to view)


What could be better than being dipped into a tank filled with man eating sharks you say? Making the bad guy eat an air capsule and explode! Props to the Baron Samedi for occupying nightmares for years and years (ugly bastard.)




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Okay so the Truck scene was a little bit unbelieveable, and Timothy Dalton isn't that great. However, Bond pissed off because Felix is dead? Priceless. Also, I need to get one of these licenses.



SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Okay, so I don't think I need to repeat this but Christopher Walken is the fucking bad guy. I'm going to repeat that Christopher Walken is the fucking bad guy! Also Grace Muthafucking Jones is Mayday! Yeah, that's right it has Christopher Walken and Grace Jones and JAMES BOND.




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Before Octopussy I'd never thought about my own private island filled with deadly beautiful women to take care of all my needs. Well, it is called Octopussy, right? Of course the leader of the beautiful women turns out to have a name that means 8 pussies, exactly how was Bond supposed to respond to that?




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


"Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr Bond I expect you to die!"
I started loving Aston Martins because of this movie. Also hello Pussy Galore!




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


If I had a theme song that happened every time I walked into a room, Tina Turner would be singing it. It is possible it would be this song or possibly Simply the Best, either one. What you don't like Pierce Brosnan as Bond? I don't care.




SPOILERS! (Click to view)


Typically I try to get all the ladies that spend time with me to sing this song on a regular basis, even long after I'm gone. Jaws was in this movie, and he managed to get in my nightmares too.





SPOILERS! (Click to view)


From the Woody Allen/Peter Sellers spectacular. Oh wait what, you haven't seen this one? Fucking Noob.
Have a Merry Xmas.



P.S. I don't have to dream about white Xmas's this place is covered in snow.

P.S.P.S. How was that for an Xmas music compilation?

toothpickmoe:
Nice, man. Nice.
Dec 24, 2009
thefreak:


-TM
Dec 24, 2009

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