Christmas Letter to Cthulhu
Dear Cthulhu,
I've been very naughty this year. I've blasphemed other gods, while upholding your most unholy name. I have exhaulted you on the altar of cyberspace--and in story and song. I, your humble servant, placate you with these humble requests.
1. I want to witness the smiting of my enemies--live, or dead. May they writhe in agony for all eternity. Cthulhu F'tagan.
2. I want at least three of the Suicide Girls under my tree--Preferably Caustic, Opaque, and Morgan. Caustic and Opaque are natural redheads, whereas Morgan is blonde (though red in some sets)--and a total sweetheart.
3. Felicia Day in a corset, with riding crop. 'Nuff said.
4. My own army of the undead, who will do my biding without question. Only I can control them. If I die before they are stopped, no one can control them.
5. The ability to really live like a vampire, and get paid for it.
6. Deborah Ann Woll (Jessica from "Tru Blood). See items two and three.
7. A military grade flamethrower. I've wanted one since childhood. I promise not to use this in the house.
8. For Christmas music to never be played publically ever again--especially in retail outlets.
9. For my friend Dillon's CMT practice to excel--despite his veto of my idea to celebrate the black mass on his message table. To each their own. When it comes to religion, I will agree to disagree (except with Scientologists).
10. for a speedy recovery for my friend Leda, as she is in hospital right now. Get well soon, darling
11. That I may one day experience again the horse brutality, I mean--hospitality of the Bawdy Caste. They rock! Bunny is the naughtiest Trixie ever.
12. See number one--you can't over-smite your enemies.
I'll leave out a plate of human souls for you to devour.
Thank you, Cthulhu.
P.S. A boomstick and chainsaw would be nice too. I'll shoot some zombie's eye out, then dismember it.
Dear Cthulhu,
I've been very naughty this year. I've blasphemed other gods, while upholding your most unholy name. I have exhaulted you on the altar of cyberspace--and in story and song. I, your humble servant, placate you with these humble requests.
1. I want to witness the smiting of my enemies--live, or dead. May they writhe in agony for all eternity. Cthulhu F'tagan.
2. I want at least three of the Suicide Girls under my tree--Preferably Caustic, Opaque, and Morgan. Caustic and Opaque are natural redheads, whereas Morgan is blonde (though red in some sets)--and a total sweetheart.
3. Felicia Day in a corset, with riding crop. 'Nuff said.
4. My own army of the undead, who will do my biding without question. Only I can control them. If I die before they are stopped, no one can control them.
5. The ability to really live like a vampire, and get paid for it.
6. Deborah Ann Woll (Jessica from "Tru Blood). See items two and three.
7. A military grade flamethrower. I've wanted one since childhood. I promise not to use this in the house.
8. For Christmas music to never be played publically ever again--especially in retail outlets.
9. For my friend Dillon's CMT practice to excel--despite his veto of my idea to celebrate the black mass on his message table. To each their own. When it comes to religion, I will agree to disagree (except with Scientologists).
10. for a speedy recovery for my friend Leda, as she is in hospital right now. Get well soon, darling
11. That I may one day experience again the horse brutality, I mean--hospitality of the Bawdy Caste. They rock! Bunny is the naughtiest Trixie ever.
12. See number one--you can't over-smite your enemies.
I'll leave out a plate of human souls for you to devour.
Thank you, Cthulhu.
P.S. A boomstick and chainsaw would be nice too. I'll shoot some zombie's eye out, then dismember it.
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*hugs*