I just watched a movie called Fanboys and reminded me of this blog I wrote two years ago..
It is a new day, and there is still more in the world to fucking wish it would fall into a black hole! This time it is a war that has been ticking me off for the last few years, an epic battle that could, no scratch that, WILL change the course of human life and generations to come, some tell me. The war. of the fucking nerds! Trekkies V.S. whatever the star wars guys are? What the hell is there to fight about, they are both Science Fiction and duh., they are not real! They basically have no life; they gave it up to live in a fantasy that could be crushed at any minute. Please let me be there when it happens! It just amazes me how people can devote their life to it, it almost like it is there religion. Yeah, I can see the commercials now, "Come on down to the Synagogue of Skywalker!" or "Welcome to the Church of Captain Picard!"
I don't hate them all, just the ones I don't know. They can be the most trusted friends to stick by you, but the obsession just irritates the ever living fuck out of me. To make my point, I shall tell you the story that brought me into the knowledge of this retard battle. A big convention was going down in Seattle and my friend, we'll call him Charlie, needed a ride to get down there. He promised to pay for parking and fill my gas tank for the ride there and back. Free gas and parking in Seattle, that's too good an offer to pass up. Along the way he is droning on and on about how this convention is going to be the best one ever and how he going to score for the first time in his life. Just the thought of him ever hooking up with a girl just cracks me up every time, just for the simple fact of his obsessive love for Star Wars. Like if he was to talk dirty to her, "Yeah baby, you like the size of my lightsaber?" "Oh, Oh, the force is strong with you!" "Who's your Boba Fett? WHO'S YOUR BOBA FETT?" "Yeah, my cock feels like it's frozen in carbonite!"
So we arrive in the parking lot for the convention and after parking we get out and smoke the last cigarette that he would have for the next 9 hours. While smoking, three dumbass Trekkies come out of fucking nowhere and chastise us for smoking. Nobody gets to lecture me on smoking, fucking nobody! So I tell them "Hey, why don't you guys go back and masturbate to some alien cock or something?" "Yeah, go get raped by Spock on the Enterprise!" Charlie screams back. These R-tards, gang up on us like there going to do something and just stare down Charlie, like I'm not even there. After a couple of minutes pass, one opens his mouth and says to Charlie, "Just wait, my crew will fuck you up later!" Then stroll on, notice I said stroll not walk, pregnant women and parents stroll. They are and may never be either. Charlie freaks and begs me to help protect him and watch his back until he meets up with his pals so that he doesn't get jumped. I didn't want to, stuck playing bodyguard to Obi-Wan just because he can't back up his taunts. He tried to convince me to go by playing the slut card, telling me that there is a room there just for people to hook-up. That almost tempted me because I saw some good looking models walk in, but The Donna's were play at The Showbox a few blocks away and I didn't want to miss them. Then he used the wingman card, and to tell the truth girls, guys can't pass on the wingman card. We don't even need to be very good acquaintances, just buy us enough shots to turn a cow into Eva Longoria and were in. He was a virgin too, so I couldn't screw him over. I agreed, but only till he hooked up with his friends and then I was gone, off to see the Donna's.
I spent three God-damn hours in there, waiting on his friends but after hour one, I lost him. I was frantic, thinking I let him down, when one of his friends recognized me, this chick named Sally. She was done up in the Leia bikini and I just about shot my load right then and there. If she wasn't a dyke, I would have tried to get her to check out my Darth Vader. I asked her if she had seen Charlie and she said that he went into that orgy room, which I had strayed away from thinking Charlie was getting his ass kicked. Plus, none of the models had gone in there just really, really ugly girls. Now I could see why it was a de-virginizer. At hour three, four of his friends had showed up and I was kinda hitting on Sally, asking if she wanted to go to the Donna's. She said she might, but she wanted to check out the rest of the convention. Charlie finally emerges from the huge crowd of fanboys trying to get in there. He has that look on his face that now I am a man and deserve some respect. He became one the best dudes bring I'd bring to a fight, when I first met him; he was just twitchy and nervous and ran away from a fistfight. After he got laid for the first time, he brawls head fucking first. He fights dirty like me, use the environment to gain the advantage. We all congratulate him for the next 10 minutes when he calls someone over, she south of me so I whip around and saw a hideous sight. IF Chewbacca and Jabba the Hut ever had a female love child, this is what she looked like. She came bounding over like a dog, just bouncing to every step. She was wearing the Leia bikini too! I know, I'm puking into a bag at the moment of just remembering. The best part was when she looked over a Sally and gave that look of, "You know I look better in this shit! So step of my man!" I was laughing the 14 blocks it took to get me to The Showbox.
I got there two hours early and Sally showed up and hour later (She changed into her street clothes now through) and we rocked out. It was a time of first's that day, Charlie got laid and I got to see Sally make out with a random chick. God bless that girl, may you rock on in heaven. I went back to my car and waited for Charlie, thinking about what a great day it has been. Charlie and his friends appeared twenty minutes later asking me to drive them back to Charlie's. If you can handle me smoking and not touching my fucking radio, we'll be straight. So I pull outta my parking space and start to head out, when they all ask me to circle the parking lot. OK, I still get a full tank when I get back though. I wander around for 5 minutes, thinking this is stupid wondering, "What the hell are they looking for?" when I suddenly spot those Trekkies from earlier. The roll down my passenger side windows and tell me to creep up to them. I comply and drift slowly towards them. I stop right next to them, then Charlie yells, "Phase this, shitkickers!" Then those three pull out paintball guns, STAR WARS THEMED OF COURSE, and pelt the ever living shit into them. Even busted there car's rear window pretty good. So now I think this is like a gang war, Bloods and the Crips. Instead, now it's like U.S.S. Enterprise against Death Star. Flipping there gangs signs, saying "Dark Side represent!" I swear, if I could just kick George Lucas in the face, no amount of bribery could stop me. As for the bastard that made Star Trek, Fuck you, you 80-year old wrinkled nut bag.
It is a new day, and there is still more in the world to fucking wish it would fall into a black hole! This time it is a war that has been ticking me off for the last few years, an epic battle that could, no scratch that, WILL change the course of human life and generations to come, some tell me. The war. of the fucking nerds! Trekkies V.S. whatever the star wars guys are? What the hell is there to fight about, they are both Science Fiction and duh., they are not real! They basically have no life; they gave it up to live in a fantasy that could be crushed at any minute. Please let me be there when it happens! It just amazes me how people can devote their life to it, it almost like it is there religion. Yeah, I can see the commercials now, "Come on down to the Synagogue of Skywalker!" or "Welcome to the Church of Captain Picard!"
I don't hate them all, just the ones I don't know. They can be the most trusted friends to stick by you, but the obsession just irritates the ever living fuck out of me. To make my point, I shall tell you the story that brought me into the knowledge of this retard battle. A big convention was going down in Seattle and my friend, we'll call him Charlie, needed a ride to get down there. He promised to pay for parking and fill my gas tank for the ride there and back. Free gas and parking in Seattle, that's too good an offer to pass up. Along the way he is droning on and on about how this convention is going to be the best one ever and how he going to score for the first time in his life. Just the thought of him ever hooking up with a girl just cracks me up every time, just for the simple fact of his obsessive love for Star Wars. Like if he was to talk dirty to her, "Yeah baby, you like the size of my lightsaber?" "Oh, Oh, the force is strong with you!" "Who's your Boba Fett? WHO'S YOUR BOBA FETT?" "Yeah, my cock feels like it's frozen in carbonite!"
So we arrive in the parking lot for the convention and after parking we get out and smoke the last cigarette that he would have for the next 9 hours. While smoking, three dumbass Trekkies come out of fucking nowhere and chastise us for smoking. Nobody gets to lecture me on smoking, fucking nobody! So I tell them "Hey, why don't you guys go back and masturbate to some alien cock or something?" "Yeah, go get raped by Spock on the Enterprise!" Charlie screams back. These R-tards, gang up on us like there going to do something and just stare down Charlie, like I'm not even there. After a couple of minutes pass, one opens his mouth and says to Charlie, "Just wait, my crew will fuck you up later!" Then stroll on, notice I said stroll not walk, pregnant women and parents stroll. They are and may never be either. Charlie freaks and begs me to help protect him and watch his back until he meets up with his pals so that he doesn't get jumped. I didn't want to, stuck playing bodyguard to Obi-Wan just because he can't back up his taunts. He tried to convince me to go by playing the slut card, telling me that there is a room there just for people to hook-up. That almost tempted me because I saw some good looking models walk in, but The Donna's were play at The Showbox a few blocks away and I didn't want to miss them. Then he used the wingman card, and to tell the truth girls, guys can't pass on the wingman card. We don't even need to be very good acquaintances, just buy us enough shots to turn a cow into Eva Longoria and were in. He was a virgin too, so I couldn't screw him over. I agreed, but only till he hooked up with his friends and then I was gone, off to see the Donna's.
I spent three God-damn hours in there, waiting on his friends but after hour one, I lost him. I was frantic, thinking I let him down, when one of his friends recognized me, this chick named Sally. She was done up in the Leia bikini and I just about shot my load right then and there. If she wasn't a dyke, I would have tried to get her to check out my Darth Vader. I asked her if she had seen Charlie and she said that he went into that orgy room, which I had strayed away from thinking Charlie was getting his ass kicked. Plus, none of the models had gone in there just really, really ugly girls. Now I could see why it was a de-virginizer. At hour three, four of his friends had showed up and I was kinda hitting on Sally, asking if she wanted to go to the Donna's. She said she might, but she wanted to check out the rest of the convention. Charlie finally emerges from the huge crowd of fanboys trying to get in there. He has that look on his face that now I am a man and deserve some respect. He became one the best dudes bring I'd bring to a fight, when I first met him; he was just twitchy and nervous and ran away from a fistfight. After he got laid for the first time, he brawls head fucking first. He fights dirty like me, use the environment to gain the advantage. We all congratulate him for the next 10 minutes when he calls someone over, she south of me so I whip around and saw a hideous sight. IF Chewbacca and Jabba the Hut ever had a female love child, this is what she looked like. She came bounding over like a dog, just bouncing to every step. She was wearing the Leia bikini too! I know, I'm puking into a bag at the moment of just remembering. The best part was when she looked over a Sally and gave that look of, "You know I look better in this shit! So step of my man!" I was laughing the 14 blocks it took to get me to The Showbox.
I got there two hours early and Sally showed up and hour later (She changed into her street clothes now through) and we rocked out. It was a time of first's that day, Charlie got laid and I got to see Sally make out with a random chick. God bless that girl, may you rock on in heaven. I went back to my car and waited for Charlie, thinking about what a great day it has been. Charlie and his friends appeared twenty minutes later asking me to drive them back to Charlie's. If you can handle me smoking and not touching my fucking radio, we'll be straight. So I pull outta my parking space and start to head out, when they all ask me to circle the parking lot. OK, I still get a full tank when I get back though. I wander around for 5 minutes, thinking this is stupid wondering, "What the hell are they looking for?" when I suddenly spot those Trekkies from earlier. The roll down my passenger side windows and tell me to creep up to them. I comply and drift slowly towards them. I stop right next to them, then Charlie yells, "Phase this, shitkickers!" Then those three pull out paintball guns, STAR WARS THEMED OF COURSE, and pelt the ever living shit into them. Even busted there car's rear window pretty good. So now I think this is like a gang war, Bloods and the Crips. Instead, now it's like U.S.S. Enterprise against Death Star. Flipping there gangs signs, saying "Dark Side represent!" I swear, if I could just kick George Lucas in the face, no amount of bribery could stop me. As for the bastard that made Star Trek, Fuck you, you 80-year old wrinkled nut bag.
thomas guiles
1422 w oglethorpe hwy lot 16
hinesville ga, 31313