I hate Sierra Vista. There is no more eloquent way to put it, Metamorphosing that phrase with clever adjectives or as the would say in SV, "dem purrty words" would give more credit then even pity could grace upon this town. There is absolutely not a damn thing to do here, even the "mall" is a fucking joke. Every bar here is just chock full of coked up, muscle-bound gudieos or stuck up bikers that treat you like an asshole because your not of them.
In retrospect, there have still been some "moments" here that take place in the only bastion of hilarity and fun in this one midget pony town. The International House of Karaoke or affectionately called IK is where I have spent many a night of drinking, fornicating and singing. This is where many a story here in AZ has began and ended. One night in particular, I had gotten drunk and was flirting with a Korean girl and had promised wild and outlandish things of my sexual prowess ending with her going to a loony bin because she orgasmed so much she went insane. She though I was funny and hung out for a while but then she vanished into thin air. Whatever, I'm not chasing anyone. The next night I saw her again and proceeded to make small talk and she continuously fed me drinks on her tab. Cool, free drinks mean fate says to get fucked-in-half drunk. After an hour and a half of no stop drinking, she asks me to go for a ride. Being drunk, I think this is drunk game-speak of " Fuck me so hard, that you come in my brain". She drives directly out of town and we drive down a pitch black country highway with no light in sight for 20 minutes. Now I'm thinking that she is going to defile me with whatever obscene objects that she was while screaming out a three way conversation with Lewis Black, Sean Paul and Lizzy Borden. A different voice would come out of her freaky mouth whenever the next person would speak. Well we start into the hills, I'm super freaked out now, when she then tells me were lost and if I know where we are. I DON'T LIVE HERE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN IN THIS TOWN FOR A TOTTAL OF 6 DAYS! I tell her no in the most polite way I can with keeping the un-nervingness out. She then points up and says I'm trying to get up there, which makes me yell, " I am NOT going to see the little green men!" She laughs and says " No silly ( see what I'm dealing with ), there" and point to something much worse, a 24 hour church. I tell her with immediacy take me back to the bar before the priest come out with pitchforks and crucify me for possession of the devil. She takes me back and I run around the bar screaming out alien priests that abduct you and steal whatever demons are infecting you ( The owner of the bar told me that Friday afterward that if it was anyone else but me, she would have throw them out.) I guess I was quite the attraction because outta people came to see this crazy fucker that their friend texted them about. Well I feel an O-Bomb coming up so I'd going to take a small break. Return for more updates.....
In retrospect, there have still been some "moments" here that take place in the only bastion of hilarity and fun in this one midget pony town. The International House of Karaoke or affectionately called IK is where I have spent many a night of drinking, fornicating and singing. This is where many a story here in AZ has began and ended. One night in particular, I had gotten drunk and was flirting with a Korean girl and had promised wild and outlandish things of my sexual prowess ending with her going to a loony bin because she orgasmed so much she went insane. She though I was funny and hung out for a while but then she vanished into thin air. Whatever, I'm not chasing anyone. The next night I saw her again and proceeded to make small talk and she continuously fed me drinks on her tab. Cool, free drinks mean fate says to get fucked-in-half drunk. After an hour and a half of no stop drinking, she asks me to go for a ride. Being drunk, I think this is drunk game-speak of " Fuck me so hard, that you come in my brain". She drives directly out of town and we drive down a pitch black country highway with no light in sight for 20 minutes. Now I'm thinking that she is going to defile me with whatever obscene objects that she was while screaming out a three way conversation with Lewis Black, Sean Paul and Lizzy Borden. A different voice would come out of her freaky mouth whenever the next person would speak. Well we start into the hills, I'm super freaked out now, when she then tells me were lost and if I know where we are. I DON'T LIVE HERE, I HAVE ONLY BEEN IN THIS TOWN FOR A TOTTAL OF 6 DAYS! I tell her no in the most polite way I can with keeping the un-nervingness out. She then points up and says I'm trying to get up there, which makes me yell, " I am NOT going to see the little green men!" She laughs and says " No silly ( see what I'm dealing with ), there" and point to something much worse, a 24 hour church. I tell her with immediacy take me back to the bar before the priest come out with pitchforks and crucify me for possession of the devil. She takes me back and I run around the bar screaming out alien priests that abduct you and steal whatever demons are infecting you ( The owner of the bar told me that Friday afterward that if it was anyone else but me, she would have throw them out.) I guess I was quite the attraction because outta people came to see this crazy fucker that their friend texted them about. Well I feel an O-Bomb coming up so I'd going to take a small break. Return for more updates.....