i've been hanging out with my mom and my two neices, gabby and gentry, for the past couple of days. it's been hell. gabby has a crush on me and is in that adolescent stage of discovery anatomy. hence, she likes to punch my dick when we play around and only undresses her ken dolls. gentry is more pensive and quiet; i kind of actually like her. but between them and my mother, i feel like i'm being pulled at from all directions. the kids are hanging on my feet while my mom is trying to measure me for a sweater she's knitting and shoving food down my throat.
so then after the kids are asleep, we drink some wine and she starts asking about a girl i dated over two years ago and asking if i thought i should ask her to marry me. i tried hard to act like she wasn't crazy and explained that the relationship she was talking about was very much the past. then she sulked and lamented that i wouldn't bring her grandchildren.
i tried not to, but ended up going on a slight rant about overpopulation and how i'd rather adopt and how i don't believe in marriage as an institution or tradition, but i do believe in love, etc...
i don't think she understands. she's old, as mothers go; she's 65. that sets a huge cultural divide between us. it just gets hard straddling the fence between pleasing your mom and standing up for things you believe in. like not eating beets.
on a positive note, hanging out with the fam has had it's ups. i got to show my neices "a nightmare before xmas", which they'd never seen. and although it is disney subsidized, it's a breath of fresh air compared to their usual kid fodder. they loved it; i might just let them have the dvd. of course gentry, the somber one, seemed more receptive while gabby just tried to show off, impress, and flirt with me. children are very weird. i never really grew up, so i'm the last person to be a role model or even field questions from some kid, let alone my sister's. but when they referred to my mom's caddilac as a "small car" i had to say, "that's because your mommy and daddy drive SUV's which are basically yuppie tanks. can you say that? yuppie tanks. good girl. now here's the first word uncle johnny is going to ask you to look up in the dictionary; it won't be the last, but keep a book and write down the words i ask you to look up. okay. first word: cynical. hi five *smack* you go girl"
and that's the best i can do as an uncle. i know my sister is going to have a shit fit, but fuck her.
so then after the kids are asleep, we drink some wine and she starts asking about a girl i dated over two years ago and asking if i thought i should ask her to marry me. i tried hard to act like she wasn't crazy and explained that the relationship she was talking about was very much the past. then she sulked and lamented that i wouldn't bring her grandchildren.
i tried not to, but ended up going on a slight rant about overpopulation and how i'd rather adopt and how i don't believe in marriage as an institution or tradition, but i do believe in love, etc...
i don't think she understands. she's old, as mothers go; she's 65. that sets a huge cultural divide between us. it just gets hard straddling the fence between pleasing your mom and standing up for things you believe in. like not eating beets.
on a positive note, hanging out with the fam has had it's ups. i got to show my neices "a nightmare before xmas", which they'd never seen. and although it is disney subsidized, it's a breath of fresh air compared to their usual kid fodder. they loved it; i might just let them have the dvd. of course gentry, the somber one, seemed more receptive while gabby just tried to show off, impress, and flirt with me. children are very weird. i never really grew up, so i'm the last person to be a role model or even field questions from some kid, let alone my sister's. but when they referred to my mom's caddilac as a "small car" i had to say, "that's because your mommy and daddy drive SUV's which are basically yuppie tanks. can you say that? yuppie tanks. good girl. now here's the first word uncle johnny is going to ask you to look up in the dictionary; it won't be the last, but keep a book and write down the words i ask you to look up. okay. first word: cynical. hi five *smack* you go girl"
and that's the best i can do as an uncle. i know my sister is going to have a shit fit, but fuck her.
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...much love.... latahz*