johnny_flapjacks

I am so incredibly tired, and yet I cannot fall asleep. It's pretty much been like this for a month now. I couldn't be more dissatisfied with life right now. The worst part is, I don't even know why. For two solid years I've been a pretty happy person. Nothing seemed to bother me, I just rolled with the punches. Now, blah. As of late I seem to be overcome by emotions. It's not like I'm sitting around crying or anything, but there has just been this heavy pit in the center of my stomache that will not go away. Nobody really knows about any of this, and thats mainly why I'm getting it out on here. Too many good looking boobs floating around for anyone to notice my ramblings. It's not that I don't have any friends, because I have enough really great ones to keep me satisfied. I'm just not the type to open up to them in that way. I never have been. I've always been the strong one who can let anything roll off his back. It's my niche in the social world I am in. I don't want to give up my niche. Who would?

I've enjoyed being single for so very long. Truely enjoyed it. Now I just feel alone. This isn't a boohoo johnny can't get a girl thing either, not at all. I get plenty of attention in that department, just none thats worth persuing. And on the rare occasion there is one worth persuing, something ruins it. Always. The latest being that she's decided to move to NY. Fucking NY. Fucking women.

I've come to realize that when nothing happens, I am happy, content. Everytime something comes along that makes life even better, it goes away. Leaving me where I was before. Except now, I'm no longer happy with life the way it was. All I want is life the way it was when there was that extra something to make it better. (does that even make sense? i don't care, it makes sense to me.)

If you actually read any of this, I'm sorry. I'm definately not one for spiling my guts on a blog. But like I said, I can't very well tell my friends and give up my niche as the impenetrable rock of stability. I can't really tell my family either. All they'll do is try and cheer me up. I hate when people try to cheer me up. It makes me feel like a charity case. Therefore, I'm putting it down here. Merry Christmas