Setting: Sitting outside having breakfast at a bagel establishment with a female friend. It is cold and bright outside and I'm wearing a hoodie and Vegas-era-Elvis sunglasses, and pulling it off like Jose Mourinho on the cover of a European high fashion magazine (thats hot shit for the uninitiated).
A mouthy little Gainesville bike douche with his over-the-shoulder fanny bag, single rolled up pant leg and half-pound schwinn is passing by, stops and looks at me.
Kid: whaddaya think you are, like, somebody famous?
Me: i'm sorry, what?
Kid: whadday think you're someone famous or something with those sunglasses?
Me: yes. yes, thats exactly it. i'm LIKE somebody famous. you know that guy that your girlfriend thinks about so she can get off while she's fucking you?? THATS who i'm LIKE. i'm just like that guy, except i'm here and i'm now and theres a much shorter line to get my autograph. so go home and fetch her, and tell her that i am sitting here eating a bagel and that when i'm done, i will gladly bring all of her dreams to screaming, bleeding, squirting, convulsing fruition and she won't just have to think about me, she can touch and smell and taste me too.
After that the conversation turned into a series of fuck you's and idle threats so i won't go into it.
A mouthy little Gainesville bike douche with his over-the-shoulder fanny bag, single rolled up pant leg and half-pound schwinn is passing by, stops and looks at me.
Kid: whaddaya think you are, like, somebody famous?
Me: i'm sorry, what?
Kid: whadday think you're someone famous or something with those sunglasses?
Me: yes. yes, thats exactly it. i'm LIKE somebody famous. you know that guy that your girlfriend thinks about so she can get off while she's fucking you?? THATS who i'm LIKE. i'm just like that guy, except i'm here and i'm now and theres a much shorter line to get my autograph. so go home and fetch her, and tell her that i am sitting here eating a bagel and that when i'm done, i will gladly bring all of her dreams to screaming, bleeding, squirting, convulsing fruition and she won't just have to think about me, she can touch and smell and taste me too.
After that the conversation turned into a series of fuck you's and idle threats so i won't go into it.