Epiphany
A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi.
January 6, on which this feast is traditionally observed.
A revelatory manifestation of a divine being.
A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself (Frank Maier).
...okay that last one.... when you have one of those moments out of the blue where everything just clicks together inside your head and it all makes sense.
i remembered why i left connecticut in the first place. the years leading up to when i first moved to philadelphia in 2000, were my later teenage years. there really wasn't much that i looked forward to. i hated school that i'd never be able to pay for with my much loathed my job, i hated my life with my parents, and there wasn't much i really had to look foreward to. as a matter of fact, the only things that i looked foreward to were RPG's and getting wasted off of whatever i could get my hands on. that's really not much to look foreward to. i had no future and i knew it.
so, i quite the lame ass fake art college that i was going to, and my girlfriend (at the time) and i moved to philadelphia. to say the least, philadelphia wasn't all that i hoped it would be, and really missed the fact that back home i had my crew of friends. not to mention, i was easily getting sick of philly's anarclique and the usual scenesters who stood around saying things like "oh pshht, what-EVER! that kid's totally NOT cool."
so i quickly got sick of it and went back to CT about 2 years later. 1 year after that, I left back for philly because work sucked, problems with my family reached a boiling point, and i wanted to be with my (then) girfriend again. and then that second time, I came to the conclusion that there was nothing left for me in Philly after I broke up with this girl and the people I thought were my friends, weren't my friends at all.
So, now here I am back in CT. Somewhere along they way, I found a career path that I can live with. I've long since stopped using drugs and I to deal with family issues that go back way before I was ever born. I have my crew and I'm lucky to have such great friends, even though I sometimes get frustrated with some of them.
but....my friends here in these old, dead, industrial cities and farming towns are living like i lived a few years ago before i left for philly. going nowhere, losing ambition, frequently doing drugs, and constantly drinking large amounts of alcohol. everyone either becomes a cokehead or an alcoholic. and it's sad because that's what people do when they get stuck here in eastern CT. they kill themselves slowly and they fade away.
the one that have ambition, get the ambition to move away. they leave Connecticut like a sinking ship. That leaves people like me and a very small few others, to bail it out while some of our friends just sit there, drink the last of the ship's rum and wait for a watery grave.
i love these people. my friends are everything to me. but everyone's going nowhere and it's not the stupid philadelphia scenester going nowhere thing, where they just think it's cool to waste your life. it's the depressing reality of the working class. where people have just given up.
here's my dilemma. i don't know what to do. i can leave or i can stay.
if i jump ship and leave my friends behind. i do not want to be friendless in another city ever again. good friends are hard to find, and the ones i have are some of the best. if i do go, i had better find a good place to go first because i don't want to keep moving around.
....or i can stay here and risk the possibility of fading away.
either way, i'll wait until my apprenticeship is complete. so i've got a minimum of 2-3 years.
****************
i like you all and i'm sorry to have to be blunt, but internet friends aren't the same as real friends.
that line about the depressing reality of the working class made me think of the song "nothing" by negative approach. maybe i'll post it when i'm busy again.
speaking of hardcore, i saw RAMBO 2 nights in a row this weekend.
the second night was in this kids basement, and the show was mostly high school kids getting drunk. one kid spilled beer all over me and i took his beer away and threw it on the ground and yelled at him. all the idiots were kept out of the show. RAMBO are all great people from philly (one from ct). it was really good seeing them again even though i only hung out with a couple of them every now and then.
***************
good news! i gained 9lbs of muscle in 2 weeks! monday, i weighed myself i was 193- up from 184. i'm still gaining too! building muscle is so cool. maybe i can become a pro-wrestler. the WWE headquarters are in Stamford. That's Western CT near NYC though.
A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi.
January 6, on which this feast is traditionally observed.
A revelatory manifestation of a divine being.
A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself (Frank Maier).
...okay that last one.... when you have one of those moments out of the blue where everything just clicks together inside your head and it all makes sense.
i remembered why i left connecticut in the first place. the years leading up to when i first moved to philadelphia in 2000, were my later teenage years. there really wasn't much that i looked forward to. i hated school that i'd never be able to pay for with my much loathed my job, i hated my life with my parents, and there wasn't much i really had to look foreward to. as a matter of fact, the only things that i looked foreward to were RPG's and getting wasted off of whatever i could get my hands on. that's really not much to look foreward to. i had no future and i knew it.
so, i quite the lame ass fake art college that i was going to, and my girlfriend (at the time) and i moved to philadelphia. to say the least, philadelphia wasn't all that i hoped it would be, and really missed the fact that back home i had my crew of friends. not to mention, i was easily getting sick of philly's anarclique and the usual scenesters who stood around saying things like "oh pshht, what-EVER! that kid's totally NOT cool."
so i quickly got sick of it and went back to CT about 2 years later. 1 year after that, I left back for philly because work sucked, problems with my family reached a boiling point, and i wanted to be with my (then) girfriend again. and then that second time, I came to the conclusion that there was nothing left for me in Philly after I broke up with this girl and the people I thought were my friends, weren't my friends at all.
So, now here I am back in CT. Somewhere along they way, I found a career path that I can live with. I've long since stopped using drugs and I to deal with family issues that go back way before I was ever born. I have my crew and I'm lucky to have such great friends, even though I sometimes get frustrated with some of them.
but....my friends here in these old, dead, industrial cities and farming towns are living like i lived a few years ago before i left for philly. going nowhere, losing ambition, frequently doing drugs, and constantly drinking large amounts of alcohol. everyone either becomes a cokehead or an alcoholic. and it's sad because that's what people do when they get stuck here in eastern CT. they kill themselves slowly and they fade away.
the one that have ambition, get the ambition to move away. they leave Connecticut like a sinking ship. That leaves people like me and a very small few others, to bail it out while some of our friends just sit there, drink the last of the ship's rum and wait for a watery grave.
i love these people. my friends are everything to me. but everyone's going nowhere and it's not the stupid philadelphia scenester going nowhere thing, where they just think it's cool to waste your life. it's the depressing reality of the working class. where people have just given up.
here's my dilemma. i don't know what to do. i can leave or i can stay.
if i jump ship and leave my friends behind. i do not want to be friendless in another city ever again. good friends are hard to find, and the ones i have are some of the best. if i do go, i had better find a good place to go first because i don't want to keep moving around.
....or i can stay here and risk the possibility of fading away.
either way, i'll wait until my apprenticeship is complete. so i've got a minimum of 2-3 years.
****************
i like you all and i'm sorry to have to be blunt, but internet friends aren't the same as real friends.
that line about the depressing reality of the working class made me think of the song "nothing" by negative approach. maybe i'll post it when i'm busy again.
speaking of hardcore, i saw RAMBO 2 nights in a row this weekend.
the second night was in this kids basement, and the show was mostly high school kids getting drunk. one kid spilled beer all over me and i took his beer away and threw it on the ground and yelled at him. all the idiots were kept out of the show. RAMBO are all great people from philly (one from ct). it was really good seeing them again even though i only hung out with a couple of them every now and then.
***************
good news! i gained 9lbs of muscle in 2 weeks! monday, i weighed myself i was 193- up from 184. i'm still gaining too! building muscle is so cool. maybe i can become a pro-wrestler. the WWE headquarters are in Stamford. That's Western CT near NYC though.
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hey summer, want to play me?