the first boy i ever loved was named jeff. and we were 17 and he was my best friend. and he fell in love with a girl who he met over the internet, and we went to college, and they got married, and we never saw each other again.
a month ago i decided to email him out of the blue.
and one thing i said to him was:
"thinking about senior year makes me sad. not because it was so terribly awful but because i think that it was unfortunate that you and i became friends at the time that we did. we were both miserably depressed and i did and said things that year that i wouldn't have conceived of doing a year later. you can probably say the same. you were lucky to have found solace from that so soon, jeff. it took me a longer time to find myself and to start loving who i am. and i was able to apologize to everyone in my life for how self-loathing and self-absorbed and completely unlike myself i was that year -- everyone but you. so i'll apologize now. i'm sorry."
and he replied and said:
"Thanks. And I'd like to apologize for the many truly bonehead things I did.
Anyway, while I agree that the timing might have been unfortunate, I'm very glad we became friends. I think a lot of bad stuff happened, but not
as much as the large amount of good stuff. And not to trivialize any of the hurt that I caused you and others around me, but maybe a certain amound of "bad stuff" was good. I know I sure learned a lot about life.
Our friendship during that time meant a lot to me, means a lot to me, and has played a huge role in who I am. I know I did and said things that I
wouldn't have conceived of a year later, too. I think I was "like myself, though. Certainly I was depressed back then, and also self-absorbed, but looking back I don't see a completely different person. Mostly just a dork who didn't know quite how to handle life. But the point is, you were my best friend and you gave me support in a way that I
don't think anyone else I knew could have in a time that I needed it the most. I'm very glad to have had you then."
i sure do like him.
i think that the reason i've chosen to post this (and i have to cross fingers that jeff wouldn't be horrified that i did post it) is that he's right about the fact that even though i consider that entire year to be all-time personal worst, i AM basically the same person.
i listened to u2's achtung baby this morning, which i haven't done in a year or so, but it used to be a favorite album. listening to "one" took me immediately back to a fixed moment in the summer of 96, lying on a bunk bed at church camp, listening to the song on repeat on my discman.
and it took me back to jeff.
and i'm really glad i knew him.
and i wish i knew him now.
a month ago i decided to email him out of the blue.
and one thing i said to him was:
"thinking about senior year makes me sad. not because it was so terribly awful but because i think that it was unfortunate that you and i became friends at the time that we did. we were both miserably depressed and i did and said things that year that i wouldn't have conceived of doing a year later. you can probably say the same. you were lucky to have found solace from that so soon, jeff. it took me a longer time to find myself and to start loving who i am. and i was able to apologize to everyone in my life for how self-loathing and self-absorbed and completely unlike myself i was that year -- everyone but you. so i'll apologize now. i'm sorry."
and he replied and said:
"Thanks. And I'd like to apologize for the many truly bonehead things I did.
Anyway, while I agree that the timing might have been unfortunate, I'm very glad we became friends. I think a lot of bad stuff happened, but not
as much as the large amount of good stuff. And not to trivialize any of the hurt that I caused you and others around me, but maybe a certain amound of "bad stuff" was good. I know I sure learned a lot about life.
Our friendship during that time meant a lot to me, means a lot to me, and has played a huge role in who I am. I know I did and said things that I
wouldn't have conceived of a year later, too. I think I was "like myself, though. Certainly I was depressed back then, and also self-absorbed, but looking back I don't see a completely different person. Mostly just a dork who didn't know quite how to handle life. But the point is, you were my best friend and you gave me support in a way that I
don't think anyone else I knew could have in a time that I needed it the most. I'm very glad to have had you then."
i sure do like him.
i think that the reason i've chosen to post this (and i have to cross fingers that jeff wouldn't be horrified that i did post it) is that he's right about the fact that even though i consider that entire year to be all-time personal worst, i AM basically the same person.
i listened to u2's achtung baby this morning, which i haven't done in a year or so, but it used to be a favorite album. listening to "one" took me immediately back to a fixed moment in the summer of 96, lying on a bunk bed at church camp, listening to the song on repeat on my discman.
and it took me back to jeff.
and i'm really glad i knew him.
and i wish i knew him now.
This jeff person sounds nice, and it is good that you had a friend like him, everyone needs a friend like that in their life.