jl666x

I'm copying/pasting this from my facebook, because I think everyone on the planet should read it [especially cause I wrote it ; ]

SPEAK ENGLISH

Every time I go on the interwebs and check my myspace, facebook, etc., I am assaulted with poor grammar. It hurts the void where my soul should be, and stresses my defective heart. Instead of letting it vex me any longer, Im taking every last one of you (who bothers to read this) to school.

Dont get shitty with me, this is for your own good

ENGLISH 101


your and youre

This is the most common fuck up I see most of you sorry sons of bitches making. To understand the difference, remember it like this:

your is the possessive form of "you" and replaces "yo"

Example: Yo mamas a ho. translates as Your mothers a whore.

to remember, try to associate your with yo because its shorter than the contraction youre - which means "you are"

Example: Youre a filthy, stinking skank, Sally.

see how that shit works?
now lets try using them together:

If youre not gonna wear a condom, Im not gonna suck your dick, said the hooker.

now that weve crossed THAT fucking bridge, lets climb this next mountain:


there, their and fucking theyre

lets start off with the one that indicates possession:
their

Examples: Thats right, Bobby, blow their fuckin balls off with your shotgun!

Women dont like their clits rubbed with sandpaper.

onto the contraction (combination of the words they and are)
theyre

Examples: When those Klansmen see all those Black Panthers at the rally, theyre going to shit their sheets.

Theyre coming to get you, Barbara.

which brings us to there - use it when referring to a place

Examples: 'Nah, nah, bitchdontchu muthafuckin go there!' said the classy lady on Springer."

I dont know what happened, doc, but after I fucked that homeless girl, Im all itchy down there.

They dont know what theyre talking about; theres no god.

Theyre over there with their guns pointed at our dicks.

were far from finished


then and fucking than

then indicates time

Examples: First I took her to dinner, then we went to the movies, then we went for a moonlit walk on the beach, then we hopped in a dumpster and I fucked her in the ass.

I only masturbate to furry porn every now and then.

than is used for comparison

Examples: 'My dicks bigger than yours,' explained Tyrone."

I hate getting ass-raped by my cellmate less than tossing his salad.

see how easy it is, kids?
next lesson:


its and its

its is possessive. if his and hers dont have apostrophes, its doesnt get to be special either

Example: When that asshole werewolf kicked in my door, I cut its fucking head off, then shit down its throat.

its is used ONLY when youre trying to say it is or it has

Examples: Its been a long time since Ive seen a donkey show.

Its not you, lard ass, its me

this next fuckers tricky:


whos and whose

same principle as its and its - whos means who is and whose indicates possessionsorta

Examples: Whose dog shit on my fucking lawn?

Whos the asshole who posted the naked pictures of my daughter on my goddamned cubicle?

another one people cant seem to master:


to, too, and two

to is a preposition, not a proposition like Ill pay you to get naked and jump up and down, but that does happen to be the proper use of the word.

too is an adverb that denotes excess or can be used in place of also

two (2) is a fucking number

Examples: Im going to go fuck myself.

I would like to fuck a porn star, but theyre too hard to catch with my two dollar net.

Well, if I have herpes, you have it too.

next


there is no such thing as would/could/should of

its would/could/should havethus; wouldve (etc.)

Example: If I knew it was going to be that kind of party, I wouldve stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes.

and finally


a lot = two words. I just learned this a few years ago myself, so dont feel too ignorant

Example: There are a lot of stupid, fat people in Texas.


CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Youve just graduated Grammar School GRAMMAR. Now go off with your new powers and use them for evil.