It has been an exhausting few months. Been writing plenty of material for my music, learning to play bass, practicing percussion, playing board games, working, cardio, etc.... Glad some of the restrictions have been lifted, but it's also alarming to see things unfold. It's still very scary to go out in public, but at least businesses are being serious about things.
My Ex and I reconnected one last time in February. She took hallucinogens and had a real bad reaction and called me at 4:30 in the morning pleading for my help, so of course I went to help her. I'm not a heartless asshole. But she told me something that night she shouldn't have, that she "loved me'. Of course, that went to my head, and in a matter of weeks was completely null and void. But... this is on me... I should have gone with my gut and not gone to help her, I should have blocked her out and let her deal with it on her own or let her new boy toy deal with it... hurts thinking that way, but when she keeps kicking me to the curb, I need to be just as cold. Now... She doesn't really mean much to me. all my trust has been used up and she can move on relying on some other dumbass, because this dumbass will be searching for someone who respects him and appreciates him. She'll occasionally text me, but I just play along because she is going through some serious things that I want her to break through. I'm through with her and what she does, but I will lend a hand if she needs it... just have no interest anything other than being a friend. not even a FWB. Sucks for her, I loved giving massages, and I'm pretty damn good at it. I sometimes go through withdrawals not having a body to massage.
Anyway... Hung out with some friends tonight and had a few drinks. was a good night, did some dancing. Missed out on connecting with one of the women I haver a monster crush on. Love how she does her hair, she's got her shit together, enjoys going out, and she is incredibly sexy. Nothing turns me on more than someone who loves to dance. I LOVE dancing, I took some ballroom salsa, cha cha, tango, and west coast shuffle dance lessons for about 2 months. Was awesome.... anyway, back to the sexiness... So this girl is another bartender at the club, but she's actually got a career and she's more realistic with what she wants. I told myself no more club employees, but I figured she may be worth investigating. Anyway... She's usually behind the bar dancing and singing. She's got a great voice and damn she's sexy when she dances. We texted a little tonight, was wondering where she was. But reading her FB posts, I can't help but feel like we are both in the same boat. We keep running into people who aren't serious about a relationship, and we want something real and meaningful and tired of people who don't appreciate what we have to offer. I really dig this girl. Love her short hair, enjoy listening to her sing and dance, she's damned gorgeous with a set of beautiful hazel eyes. Need to at least try to move in on her, right? So... tomorrow night, gonna try... I missed her tonight, but maybe tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Wrote 3 full songs. Debating on what instrument I should practice as I setup a group. I miss playing out, I miss being around musicians and rocking the hell out. I was at guitar center today trading in my old bass guitars, and the discussion I had with other percussionists was flipping amazing. Talking to a few up and coming musicians, it reminded me of how fortunate I am to have taken lessons and be where I am today. I keep telling myself I suck because I quit practicing 8 years ago and I have a difficult time catching back up... But my technique and style is still there, and it's so natural as I play that I should be super proud of myself that I can easily mold myself into any rhythm.... just need to continue practicing. Anyway... So... I loved percussion and bass, but I'm thinking about pulling out my guitar and digging back into it. I love how I pieced my music together, and I figured the guitar would be very interesting to take on as I write it. Fucking love music!!!!
Work has been shitty. As always. I'm grateful to have a job, but I'm tired of the hypocrisy and how our new corporate overlords treat us. It's been bad, but it has gotten far worse. I'm waiting for the day they begin letting us go. Upper management keeps adding more stations to our workflow, allows current stations to abuse their order privileges, and never grants us additional staff to make up for it... typical, all about saving money. We are cheap labor and we get thew job done, we let them do this, though. But if we slow down, something tgellds me they would go as far as to white the room clean and start fresh... sadly our management is so disconnected from how we operate, so they just don 'gt get it and don't put up.a fight... ah well... I'm getting paid, that's all that matters. If they start letting us go, so be it... I don't have 2 brains, 2 sets of eyes and 4 hands.