"Coming Full Circle."
So She wants back into my life. Again. On her terms. Again. Lucky Me, I guess.
So the story goes something like this. My best friend dated this girl in HS. Years ago. His first real love. He's married now, 2 kids. Crazy worthless wife. No one yet has disagreed with me once I've explained why I call her crazy and worthless, so just trust me on this one. But I digress. So he brings this girl out a couple times, a years time a part. Second time we go out she corners me. She has a thing for me, she says. I make her feel like she's the only girl in the room she says(I do actually). I tell her she's drunk, Im drunk, my best friend is her ex, yadda yadda. The next day it continues. I'm weak so I break. Shes 23 and very pretty, and i'm well, 32 and not. We hang out 1 time, just to feel things out. Its great. I talk to my best friend. This does not go over well. People I consult with tell me that he's married and being selfish, so, being the weak hearted man that I am when it comes to women, I continue to see her. For a week.
It was a magical week. To this day I describe it as "The Perfect Week". And it really was. Texting all day long, but never to the point it got annoying, if it took me a while to get back, whatever, no worries. After we both got off work we spent every evening together. As romantic as I'd like it to sound, at night we fucked like rabbits. I could say we made love, but i'm being honest here. We were seemingly compatible in every way. For a week.
A week in she decides to be very non communicative all day. She goes to dinner "With a friend". After dinner she calls me, with something to confess. Seems that before we had our little week, our little blink in the eye of eternity, she had a boyfriend. One that doesn't treat her very well. One that she makes seem as he isn't abusive, but very close to going over that edge. He's also addicted to drugs. Painkillers If i recall correctly. She's concerned he'll hurt himself if she walks out. I try to explain that no matter what you'll never be able to be there all the time and if he's going to hurt himself, its just gonna happen. She tells me she cant speak to me anymore. For 2 days this lasts.
Texting and calling everyday. This goes on a while. Then I get the call. My mother is sick, dying, 6 months of her life left to live. My life now takes its own personal nose dive. I get violently ill from stress. Thinking on one subject or the other makes me vomit. She comes and spends the day with me the day I find out about Mom. She goes back to him at the end of the day.
Eventually I tell her i can't deal with talking to her all day and then her being with him all night, so I cant talk to her anymore. less than 2 weeks go by and she leaves him, even when he was on his best behavior she missed me she says.
The fact that my Mother was dying, combined with the fact that this girl had just left me and come back made me feel very insecure. Clearly I acted overly possessive of her. prozac, percocet, and 2 fisted drinking all day did not help this at all. I acted out at inappropriate times, letting my insecurity get the best of me. She left me. She said she wanted to stay friends. I told her absolutely not. Please pretend I don't exist.
2 and a half months ago my Mom finally passed. She just found out last week. She sent me a message that day. She said she wanted to be there for me. She said she hoped I changed my mind and we could get together and hang out. Apparently I had.
So we started talking again. and the texting all day started. And we went to dinner. And it was really nice, we laughed for hours. We flirted some too. There was a small to moderate amount of alcohol involved. She tells me she wants to be "friends first" and then "maybe" we'll see were it goes from there. We go back to her house. We sleep in the same bed together. We do NOT have sex, or anything even close. We talk for several hours. We basically spill our guts to one another about everything thats happened over the past months. We cuddle all night long. That really blew my mind.
The next day we go to breakfast, and then lay around watching a movie. Before leaving, I kiss her. She does not push me away. Her only reply is "your not going to make this friends thing easy are you?" I shrug my shoulders and walk out the door.
Today we talked on the subject some more. She said she didn't think our friendship would change to anything romantic"in the near future". I told her that ultimately something would have to change between us, or one or the other would find someone and the other wouldn't really be included anymore. it's just the way things happen. I have lots of female friends. When they're dating someone, I'm an after thought, and likewise them for me. Its just the way it goes.
Obviously I still have feelings for the girl. But I'm hoping someone will read this and tell me what they think. Be her friend and hope I can win her over "One day" without getting my heart destroyed in the process? Drop her like a bad habit? Doubt I'm capable of that, one never knows, just realize that if thats your advice it prolly won't happen overnight. Something. Anything.
Mainly writing this makes me feel better getting it off my chest, but i'd really like to hear some advice. Or maybe I wouldn't, who knows.
So She wants back into my life. Again. On her terms. Again. Lucky Me, I guess.
So the story goes something like this. My best friend dated this girl in HS. Years ago. His first real love. He's married now, 2 kids. Crazy worthless wife. No one yet has disagreed with me once I've explained why I call her crazy and worthless, so just trust me on this one. But I digress. So he brings this girl out a couple times, a years time a part. Second time we go out she corners me. She has a thing for me, she says. I make her feel like she's the only girl in the room she says(I do actually). I tell her she's drunk, Im drunk, my best friend is her ex, yadda yadda. The next day it continues. I'm weak so I break. Shes 23 and very pretty, and i'm well, 32 and not. We hang out 1 time, just to feel things out. Its great. I talk to my best friend. This does not go over well. People I consult with tell me that he's married and being selfish, so, being the weak hearted man that I am when it comes to women, I continue to see her. For a week.
It was a magical week. To this day I describe it as "The Perfect Week". And it really was. Texting all day long, but never to the point it got annoying, if it took me a while to get back, whatever, no worries. After we both got off work we spent every evening together. As romantic as I'd like it to sound, at night we fucked like rabbits. I could say we made love, but i'm being honest here. We were seemingly compatible in every way. For a week.
A week in she decides to be very non communicative all day. She goes to dinner "With a friend". After dinner she calls me, with something to confess. Seems that before we had our little week, our little blink in the eye of eternity, she had a boyfriend. One that doesn't treat her very well. One that she makes seem as he isn't abusive, but very close to going over that edge. He's also addicted to drugs. Painkillers If i recall correctly. She's concerned he'll hurt himself if she walks out. I try to explain that no matter what you'll never be able to be there all the time and if he's going to hurt himself, its just gonna happen. She tells me she cant speak to me anymore. For 2 days this lasts.
Texting and calling everyday. This goes on a while. Then I get the call. My mother is sick, dying, 6 months of her life left to live. My life now takes its own personal nose dive. I get violently ill from stress. Thinking on one subject or the other makes me vomit. She comes and spends the day with me the day I find out about Mom. She goes back to him at the end of the day.
Eventually I tell her i can't deal with talking to her all day and then her being with him all night, so I cant talk to her anymore. less than 2 weeks go by and she leaves him, even when he was on his best behavior she missed me she says.
The fact that my Mother was dying, combined with the fact that this girl had just left me and come back made me feel very insecure. Clearly I acted overly possessive of her. prozac, percocet, and 2 fisted drinking all day did not help this at all. I acted out at inappropriate times, letting my insecurity get the best of me. She left me. She said she wanted to stay friends. I told her absolutely not. Please pretend I don't exist.
2 and a half months ago my Mom finally passed. She just found out last week. She sent me a message that day. She said she wanted to be there for me. She said she hoped I changed my mind and we could get together and hang out. Apparently I had.
So we started talking again. and the texting all day started. And we went to dinner. And it was really nice, we laughed for hours. We flirted some too. There was a small to moderate amount of alcohol involved. She tells me she wants to be "friends first" and then "maybe" we'll see were it goes from there. We go back to her house. We sleep in the same bed together. We do NOT have sex, or anything even close. We talk for several hours. We basically spill our guts to one another about everything thats happened over the past months. We cuddle all night long. That really blew my mind.
The next day we go to breakfast, and then lay around watching a movie. Before leaving, I kiss her. She does not push me away. Her only reply is "your not going to make this friends thing easy are you?" I shrug my shoulders and walk out the door.
Today we talked on the subject some more. She said she didn't think our friendship would change to anything romantic"in the near future". I told her that ultimately something would have to change between us, or one or the other would find someone and the other wouldn't really be included anymore. it's just the way things happen. I have lots of female friends. When they're dating someone, I'm an after thought, and likewise them for me. Its just the way it goes.
Obviously I still have feelings for the girl. But I'm hoping someone will read this and tell me what they think. Be her friend and hope I can win her over "One day" without getting my heart destroyed in the process? Drop her like a bad habit? Doubt I'm capable of that, one never knows, just realize that if thats your advice it prolly won't happen overnight. Something. Anything.
Mainly writing this makes me feel better getting it off my chest, but i'd really like to hear some advice. Or maybe I wouldn't, who knows.