WOW.
been waaaaaay to long since i wrote. and this will only be my second blog.
so, where do i start. i got a diagnosis : YEEEAH. and : shiiiiiit.
its nice to know whats wrong and why, you feel and do the things you do. But i could have settled for less.
So, i am the guy with skizotypical mental disorder. try saying that 3 times fast after a night on the town.
It's been kinda hard accepting, but i am also realising that it fits like a glove. and with illnes comes boundries.
so i have had to give up one of the things that helped me relax the most. actually 2 things. i used to play a lot of soccer in the local club, but as i have been gettin worse of, i cant go there because of anciety attacks.
the other thing was, i had taken up shooting at a range. the concentration and the power outlet, just made me relax like i just hade sex......3 times. it was amazing. to go there and be tense and leave and actually have 1 or 2 good days afterwords.
But no more of that, because now the system has me label as a coocoo-person. that means, one is not alowed at the gun range. funny, it wasnt a problem before. I mean, i am not suicidal. sure the thougth comes speeding thru ones in a while. but its thougth not something i want to react to. love life to much. that and i am a bit of an honour person when it comes to the priviligs of shooting or owening a gun. I think a lot about why they where started , the gunclubs, and how everything a gun owner does, aflicts the whole gun community. Anyway, so ideas for new hobbies are more then welcome.
also considering moveing. lived here for 3 years now. and i loveeeeeeee the place or did until there where new neighbours. I think we have like 100-120 yards to the beach, and its almost, always wind towards land so we get that morning seabreeze. but besides from the huge amount of noise and cops showing up looking for prison escapies from the familys who live here and the son that has turned it into a chop shop for all the young guys and there mopeds. we have now have had to put a lock on the staircase door. on the request of the new poeple that moved here and brougth there troubles with them. we have lived here 3 years. another guy just moved. he had been here for..........30 YEARS. and he hade never seen this place be as bad as it is now. and the lock on the door came after the idiot on the ground floor got a loaded bullit on his door in a small plastic bag. amazing how a place can change in just 3 month.
to Quote Denis Leary : I can't believe, i have to get angry about this shit.
shakeing of the shit and gettin positive:
Still have the dogs. they are turning 3 in august which is hugh. had a bad spell with dogs gettin cancer, heart condition and bad lever condition. none of which we where able to save, since they where second hand dogs, so to speak. we just got them to late. I'll put up some pictures of them one of these days. lovely siberian huskies.
what else.....oh.
In all this sickness of mine, the only positive thing is that they are taking me seriouse in the system, and are helping me to either get a job with less hours or mayby make me a pre-senioer citizen. at least i dont feel like people dont believe me, anymore.
started to play a little guitar again, but taking it slow. also the weather here has been pretty good. right now we are in a rain week kinda thing.. almost everyone complains, but i looove it....shhhhhh. dont tell them.
i dont know who reads these blogs if any, but that's what's been going on and is still on the way in my life at this point. stay strong, huddle up and kick ass. love john
been waaaaaay to long since i wrote. and this will only be my second blog.
so, where do i start. i got a diagnosis : YEEEAH. and : shiiiiiit.
its nice to know whats wrong and why, you feel and do the things you do. But i could have settled for less.
So, i am the guy with skizotypical mental disorder. try saying that 3 times fast after a night on the town.
It's been kinda hard accepting, but i am also realising that it fits like a glove. and with illnes comes boundries.
so i have had to give up one of the things that helped me relax the most. actually 2 things. i used to play a lot of soccer in the local club, but as i have been gettin worse of, i cant go there because of anciety attacks.
the other thing was, i had taken up shooting at a range. the concentration and the power outlet, just made me relax like i just hade sex......3 times. it was amazing. to go there and be tense and leave and actually have 1 or 2 good days afterwords.
But no more of that, because now the system has me label as a coocoo-person. that means, one is not alowed at the gun range. funny, it wasnt a problem before. I mean, i am not suicidal. sure the thougth comes speeding thru ones in a while. but its thougth not something i want to react to. love life to much. that and i am a bit of an honour person when it comes to the priviligs of shooting or owening a gun. I think a lot about why they where started , the gunclubs, and how everything a gun owner does, aflicts the whole gun community. Anyway, so ideas for new hobbies are more then welcome.
also considering moveing. lived here for 3 years now. and i loveeeeeeee the place or did until there where new neighbours. I think we have like 100-120 yards to the beach, and its almost, always wind towards land so we get that morning seabreeze. but besides from the huge amount of noise and cops showing up looking for prison escapies from the familys who live here and the son that has turned it into a chop shop for all the young guys and there mopeds. we have now have had to put a lock on the staircase door. on the request of the new poeple that moved here and brougth there troubles with them. we have lived here 3 years. another guy just moved. he had been here for..........30 YEARS. and he hade never seen this place be as bad as it is now. and the lock on the door came after the idiot on the ground floor got a loaded bullit on his door in a small plastic bag. amazing how a place can change in just 3 month.
to Quote Denis Leary : I can't believe, i have to get angry about this shit.
shakeing of the shit and gettin positive:
Still have the dogs. they are turning 3 in august which is hugh. had a bad spell with dogs gettin cancer, heart condition and bad lever condition. none of which we where able to save, since they where second hand dogs, so to speak. we just got them to late. I'll put up some pictures of them one of these days. lovely siberian huskies.
what else.....oh.
In all this sickness of mine, the only positive thing is that they are taking me seriouse in the system, and are helping me to either get a job with less hours or mayby make me a pre-senioer citizen. at least i dont feel like people dont believe me, anymore.
started to play a little guitar again, but taking it slow. also the weather here has been pretty good. right now we are in a rain week kinda thing.. almost everyone complains, but i looove it....shhhhhh. dont tell them.
i dont know who reads these blogs if any, but that's what's been going on and is still on the way in my life at this point. stay strong, huddle up and kick ass. love john