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* * *I have finally heard from my dear friend Hazel, from India! I was worried that she might be dead, it had been so long. But no, she was fine...MORE than fine...she has opened her own hair salon, and that is why she has not been around...I hope to see her again soon, she is an amazing woman...we have a great rapport...
* *...
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* * *I am happy for now...it always seems to happen when i finally get closure on something big, like the Jen thing...but will happiness last? i doubt it.
I talked to my friend Dolphie yesterday about happiness, and she asked me how does one STAY happy? and i replied that perhaps the answer is to have MANY adventures, as happiness goes away very quickly......
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alice:
i don't think its possible to always be happy. if someone is happy all of the time, then they never understand what its like to experience other emotions. when i'm really super happy i love it, but i also really appreciate those moments when i'm not.

its extremely liberating to quit a job that you absolutely cannot stand. i hate my job, and i don't really know how i've lasted 6 months there. finding another job is going to be a big pain in the ass, but the thought of never having to go back to my current work lifts a huge weight off of my shoulders.
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finally talked to jen after 3 months of silence...she was cold and had no compassion for me...last night yahoo lied and said she was online and she wasn't, and i joined her in chat and it was adult rooms, so i was already off to a bad weekend...and tonite she treated me as tho what i felt for her was meaningless and didnt' matter, and...
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koleeta:
Heh, don't believe in love, it's a crock. I have a thoery about it, I can tell you if you want or you can just check my journal, it's back several pages.
but I don't believe in love, it's not an actuall feeling. I spit on it. Ptew!

It's good that you have closure, you don't need that, nobody does.
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tonite i was ill...my stomach is still a little sore, but not as bad as before...i tried sleeping and was in that spot between sleep and awake, for like 2 hours, so i decided to see who was online...i was about to go back to bed, when i saw HER name was on..jen...i haven't talked to her one on one since i lost my virginity...
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* * *Out of the blue, enter Michelle...
Michelle, who is so cynical, so shallow, so VERY much my friend! how i missed her...she looked very good today when she walked in the store...her hair is looking good...we went out to Linden Diner, her, me, grant pearsal, james derosa, and "pedro"...they are all very different from me, and yet i enjoy thier company...they are witty...
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emily:
hi...........
emily:
I'm gonna TRY and try to get my set up..........
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* * *I am very depressed tonight...i feel like there is no one in the world who will ever want to be with me...they say that i'm the type of guy that girls marry...but that is not true...i am more than just a nice guy, i am fucked up in the head...girls want a nice guy, not a fucking lunatic...
I am bitter...but i didn't...
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* * *I finally told shanti how i feel...she does not have romantic feelings for me...I promised myself i'd tell her and i did and now what? the emotional rollercoaster hit's another curve every 10 seconds...I go from feeling rejected, to relieved i did it, to self pitying, to hating women, to hating myself, to hating the world, to trying to analyze where i keep...
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zoe:
mystery does get women attracted to men, but the friends are the ones they (or at least i) end up wanting to marry. someone with no secrets seems more trustworthy.

don't think i'm trying to blow sunshine up your ass here. maybe you'll never find who you're looking for....but the key word is "maybe".


xoxo zoe xoxo
zoe:
yay for pictures of me! i've always wanted to be a cartoon, or a drawing, or somehow immortalized on paper. as long as i get to see it


xoxo zoe xoxo
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* * *well, my lunch date with shanti was a squalling success! she really has become a very elegant young lady...My jaw dropped when she showed me her long hair...i had only seen her with very short hair...in fact the last time i had seen her she had buzzed it all off...
I sat outside the restaurant waiting for her, and she was inside the...
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zoe:
lunch date with a girl...you should talk...


xoxo zoe xoxo
emily:
smile
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* * *It looks as though Shanti will be coming up here this weekend, for a wedding! we will be having lunch together, on saturday...i can't wait...
I left a note for my boss saying i was feeling ill and might not make it in tomorrow...i am feeling fine, i just do not want to go in tomorrow at all...but i will if there is...
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i lost my artistic groove for a little while, but it's back! http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1748304 check it out, it's my suicide girl in training, Shanae! she's great, she's gonna make this site proud in a couple years, he he...
* * *I feel like the world is changing around me...friends are leaving my life...I have worked with Dwayne for 4 years, and he is the last of...
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emily:
Ballbuster!..or..or...Fagbuster!!!!!!I WIN!HAtongue
emily:
smile
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* * *today i decided to quit Blockbuster...maybe a few more weeks, save everything, and then what? I am bad with money...
I do not like being awake in the morning, but i will have to adjust...and i wont' be able to chat at nights now if i get a 9-5 job...but if i keep DAY hours, i can maybe go to art galleries in...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
emily:
Good blockbuster sux asstongue
emily:
I mean...Assbuster.