it's been a while since i've written one of these. let's see if anyone's noticed....... or cares.
looking back on some of my older ones, they were quite funny (to me at least) and they had an extreme lack of care towards audience. so what's changed in the last 4-5 years? i'm 30 now and it seems to me one of the major differences in my life now are relationships. they're completely fleeting. i mean this in the nicest way possible, if that's even doable. relationships are completely intangible and therefore fleeting as all fuck on every level. with loved ones, with friends, with family. the whole lot. all of them. why? who the fuck knows.... all i can say is that people walk in as quickly as they walk out. it seems that friends, or even dating/romance is all on the base of the totem pole. people's lives as they get older it seems, get extremely more complex as the years go on. marriages, mortgages, people travelling, working, whatever. it all buys their time, little by little. the consumer in them takes control. the need to move forward, to move beyond, to grab the next.
personally, i've never felt that need. perhaps this why i've noticed this so much. in the last month i've witnessed countless people in their 30's going back to school. the need for movement, progression and change. to get to who knows? all i know is that i've got a job and i pay my bills. i look forward to the next day, to see where the next leads me. not to where i lead it. there's the difference. and here's why:
this past week something momentous happened to a co-worker of mine. if you live in toronto, you've probably heard the story: monday night his dear dear friend whom he's known for years- this beautiful young, aspiring 31 year old woman who was a bartender got caught in the line of fire of a gang banger. DOA at the hospital. one stray bullet and she's gone. right to the chest. WHAT THE FUCK. a classic scenario of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. it's fucking horrifying. my friend came into work after spending the night at the hospital, a complete wreck. he couldn't do anything except talk about the emotions, the feelings of despair inflicted in him, in that girls' poor sister, the sheer strike of death. the absolute. the definite.
i know a lot of people talk about the genocides and wars happening across the world, and it's unbearable. it's disgusting. we all value our life. some more than others. life is a beautiful thing. everyone's had amazing experiences, moments of wonder, and moments of utter despair. at the end of the day though, we only have ourselves and this one life. please, enjoy each other as much as humanly possible. you only get one of these. do what you can, and make more of it. it's so fragile, horribly fleeting and the journey is meant to be shared. the 'what if's' in life are far to great to leave alone. and that's all my friend can think of. he missed her by 10 minutes outside of that club where she was shot. 10 minutes. that's all it takes.
and so as you go onto the next, please take in mind that you still have NOW. all these wars happening- that's what their fighting for- their NOW. you can live yours. theirs might be gone already. one bullet. one life. that's all it fucking takes.
love you all.
