The Suicide Girl Closet

5

When it comes to passions and dreams, I’m usually very vocal about my pursuits to those close to me. I feel like sharing my journeys makes them feel cemented and solid – even if they are far fetched:

Rescuing wild unicorns from feed lots? Yes

Bedroom with a fireplace, silk sheets, bear rug and a mirror ceiling? One day.

Certified stripper? I tell everyone about this empty corner in my home that will be my pole corner

Crystal Witch? – okay honestly this one im still feeling out haha

But for some reason, I have a fear of sharing my goals when it comes to this.

My mother has always been a creative soul – artsy and diving head first into anything that sets a spark in her heart. Yet, somehow, is judgmental in a kind of ignorant, tactless, loud and proud, “talk sh- in front of your face” kind of way.

Hence her recent career choice: paralegal studies.

She is so proud of me for chasing after finance advising, but not a single part of me is running towards that direction any longer. Frankly, it’s boring. And I’m more interested in the numbers going into my account rather than someone else’s retirement fund or buying certificates.

There is something so alluring about soft music, a large cup of Earl Gray, a cozy chair, and a computer full of photos just asking for me to add some magic to it. And I can’t help but feel at home while self-shooting, or while my man has the camera in his hands.

But what am I supposed to say to our friends?

~Come check out my lewd insta and support me ~

I’d obviously say it more professional than that, but I feel like they’d take it that way.

It feels like the reality of pinup modeling as a career is more unbelievable to me than unicorns.

So here I am, in the SG closet, unable to really share my beginning steps to close friends or family. Which is a shame, because I am learning so much. Maybe I’m just a weeeeener.

Did you ever struggle getting out of the SG closet? And if so, how did you share with those close to you?

ALSO: Drop your lewd insta ;) I need people to follow

oldernow:
I had to come out of a different closet - that of being a professional astrologer / occultist - try putting that down on your car loan / apartment contract ... or telling your born-again Jeebus parents and family... and not knowing from one month to the next whether I'll make enough to keep the lights on, much less do fancy romantic things like eat real food... // welp -- fast forward over some 40+ years and its neener neener time!! I made it just fine -- what I realized early one is two key things: 1) no job in the world is actually secure--companies go belly up, even universities close down or 'downsize' -- the only difference is that I KNOW I am vulnerable and save accordingly -- (and that has saved our bacon twice over - in a ten year period we saved one year's worth of income and that covered a lot of sick days)... 2) if you do what you love, what is your truth, you will thrive--you won't be any happier or even more successful by doing those things than you will be by staying main stream - but YOU WILL BE REAL--which is a huge thing, actually - because any success, failure, friendship or enemy you have to deal with will bring about real change and development in you--whereas when you wear a fake mask and costume, that mask and costume will have friends and be successful but you won't!!  also, you may not always be a stripper, lewd insta girl, or whatever, -- but you should start with the thing that is true NOW so that when something else more true shows up later, you will be in the right place to be that person.  ask Cher how her gig as a radio ad girl worked out... /  if you are true to your own self, you will certainly lose some friends and even family, because being an individual is inherently a threat to any group and folk who want to believe in the group will fear you--it is their natural and unavoidable response--some may eventually 'come around' and some will shun you. Let them go.. the fish in the pond curse the frog for getting up on the lily pad... something they cannot comprehend... but there are other frogs (to hold the metaphor) and they will make astonishingly good friends, colleagues, lovers, and life-time fellow freaks...  so, step out of the closet when you are ready, and KEEP MOVING once you do... don't get stuck - we seldom cross over from 'normal' to 'true' in one easy step: experiment, explore, and then express yourself.--and good luck!

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