Thinking of titles for these entries is becoming a hassle, and I have enough hassles in my life already, so from now on the title of every entry will simply be the date. I have no doubt that there will be much rejoicing among the peasants.
I recently quit an embracing sexuality meetup group because it's owner, for lack of a better word, gave a good example of what is to me the problem with the internet in particular and public spaces in general. The situation, essentially, is that some man sent a message to the group asking if there were any women or couples who wanted to have "fun" with him that night, fun, of course, being a euphemism for sex. (As an aside, I absolutely hate the use of the word fun to mean sex; there are so many things that are fun, but you really only mean one of them, so why not just specify that thing?) This request didn't sit right with me, in large part because no where in the rules of the group did it explicitly state that this sort of action was acceptable, so I told him this, and when he responded with righteous indignation I asked the group owner to do something about it. And her response, and I want to stress that it was a female making this decision, was that this type of engagement was legitimate.
It may be legitimate, in the sense that it isn't explicitly forbidden, but an environment in which people are advised to ignore what they don't want, rather than advised to take certain propositions to an appropriate forum (Tinder, for instance,) creates an environment in which those with the least shame set the norms of behavior. I didn't keep track of how many men, and they were all men, made propositions of this kind while I was a member of that group, and every post that is allowed makes it more likely that another one will follow. And how many forums already exist in which men see it at as just another place to chase tail? How many do we want? How many do we really need? Embracing sexuality does not need to mean that we also embrace behaviors that degrade our public discourse.
Obviously I disagreed with the owner's position, so I quit. She can have her forum and run it how she wants, but I for one have no desire to see even more requests of that sort crowding my inbox.
