jewishblues

Some time ago I came to the conclusion that modern life as currently structured is a poisonous thing. The inter-connectedness made possible by technology allows us to maintain the illusion of being sociable without actually going through the messy, sometimes ugly, process of sociability. I don't know whether it warps us or not, but I felt that it warped me by allowing me to pretend to be something that I wasn't. So I decided to force myself to be more sociable. And what I've discovered is that I really don't like most people. Especially in the context of fetish-related social events, I find most people very dull. And I've noticed that in munches and things of that nature, people only ever seem to discuss their fetishes, which simply does not interest me enough to be the sole topic of conversation. So I find myself in a dilemma, because I don't intend to stop trying to be socially active for fear of descending back into mal-adaptive habits; but at the same time, I don't actually enjoy a large majority of the people that I meet, and it feels like having my teeth pulled. It makes me see why people opted for the internet once it became widely available, despite how corrosive it is to genuine interpersonal relationships.