Saturday Oct 25, 2008

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So, yeah...another long weekend on tap here. I wanted to try to at least post a quick update for all of you who've been following everything that's been going on with our son Ryan. Waiting...waiting...hurry up for some more waiting. Have I told you guys yet that patience is not necessarily my strongest suit?? wink If you've not read my last couple of blogs, you can get caught up by clicking the spoiler:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Last night was one of the longest nights of my life...unable to sleep, feeling frightened, useless and overwhelmed. If you did not read my last blog, click here so that you might understand this one a little better.

Ryan called me yesterday evening with the news from his tests and doctor appointment. The news wasn't great...the doctor said that the CT scan showed swelling of his brain, and that it was serious. With the CT scan they were able to see that there was swelling, and that is was enough to cause significant symptoms for him, but they were not able to tell at this point what the cause is or whether or not it's treatable. He's scheduled for an MRI first thing tomorrow morning, and the doctor is trying to decide whether he will be scheduling Ryan for a lumbar puncture as well. The doctor said the bloodwork and urinalysis were both inconclusive, so at this time they are not able to determine any cause for the swelling.

I feel so helpless...I wish I could be there for my son while he is going through all of this. It just kills me that he is 600 miles away right now. All I wanted to do when he told me was to wrap my arms around him and hold him close...to give him one of my Mom hugs that he so frequently tells me that he misses. I'm sure he's scared half to death, and I know that he didn't get as much information from the doctor as I would have been able to if I had been able to be there with him. Unfortunately, because he is married he is a legal adult, even though he is only 16 and I am unable to contact the doctor directly to discuss any of this without his written consent. I asked him last night if he would be willing to give me his consent to speak with his doctor, and he said he wanted to think about it...I think he was just too freaked out to make any decisions.

Ryan's 17th birthday is next Monday. This kind of shit shouldn't be happening to him! We've had our fair share of ups and downs over the last year...he left Pocatello on really bad terms and we'd just started trying to mend some fences in the last couple of months. He left here because he just hated being here...he's gay, and never felt as though he fit in with the conservative kids that are so prevelant in this town. When he left originally, the plan was for him to move in with his grandparents in Spokane to finish up his high school education there, but that arrangement went south in a hurry and he decided that he wanted to live on his own with his best friend Sarah. Ryan and Sarah had known each other for quite some time as she and her brothers and sisters lived down the street from us for about eight years in the last house had in Spokane, and as soon as he got back to town they hooked up again and resumed their friendship. She's 18, and when Ryan decided to move out of his grandparents house they decided they were going to live together...we gave our permission for them to marry as it was the only legal way that he could be emancipated in the State of Washington at that time. I'm afraid to say that he's had a crash course in growing up over the last five or so months, and it saddens me deeply to know that he is going through all of this at his age, especially due to the fact that we are so far away from him. He has not been on speaking terms with his grandparents and the rest of the extended family for a couple months, for some very good reasons, and neither have we...but he's asked me to call his grandmother for him to let her know.

I wanted to thank each and everyone of you who left Flashmo and I messages of hope, support and encouragement over the last few days. When I logged on yesterday morning, there were several PM's awaiting for me and as the day progressed I heard from better than a dozen of you via blog comments, PM's, emails, texts or phone calls...I'm grateful and honored to have friends such as yourselves. Some of you are closer to me than my own family...and I would very much beg to differ with anyone who says that internet friends are not "real friends". Please be patient with me on returning your messages, I'm just not doing very well right now and will do the best that I can. I love you all very much love love love



He had his MRI on Thursday morning, and they told him it would probably be Monday before he heard back from his doctor. *sighs* I just wish things would move according to my time schedule, but that's just never how these things work...Monday is Ryan's 17th birthday, and I'm really hoping that maybe he'll receive some good news are his present this year.

That being said...the phone rang last night at 1:53am and it was Ryan. He'd blacked out...found himself laying on the floor in the living room and he said the last thing he remembered was talking to his boyfriend on the phone a little while earlier. Sarah had been spending the night at her brothers house, and was on her way home to take him to the hospital. I couldn't sleep much after that, just on and off for a few couple of hours and finally gave up and called him about 4:30am to see if he how he was doing. He and Sarah had just gotten home, and he was feeling pretty crappy because they had done a lumbar puncture while he was there, along with an EKG. The ER doc told him that the pressure in his spinal column was only slightly elevated, that his EKG showed his heart was racing and that his blood pressure was really high. He thought that Ryan had blacked out from the spike in his blood pressure, probably due to stress and a heightened anxiety level waiting for his MRI results. He was getting ready to go to sleep, and Sarah was going to be home with him to keep an eye on him while he was getting some rest. They told him to come back if he got any worse, follow up with his doctor and to make an appointment with a Neurologist as soon as possible.

Right now that's all I know...it would mean alot to me if you all would leave him a message here with me that I could forward to him. I am hoping that it would help him feel a little less alone while he's waiting for the other shoe to fall...and to brighten his birthday on Monday as well.

I just can't verbalize how grateful that I am for all of your messages of love, hope and encouragement. Flashmo and I are lucky to have such incredibly wonderful friends here...you guys ROCK! I will do my best to get back to everyone who's left messages, and keep you updated as we receive any results back.

Much loves to you all! Hope you are having a better weekend than I am kiss kiss kiss

VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
jewelz:


His birthday is today...not Monday.



I know what date he was born on...just not what day of the week it fell on evidently! wink I guess that's what happens when all your days run together!! tongue tongue tongue

hypersage:
Happy Birthday Ryan.

Hang in there, you're far stronger than you realise and I'm sure that you are fully equipped to deal with whatever life throws at you. I hope that you get the good news you are hoping for.

From,

Weird Internet Guy You Don't Know.


Jewelz, I hope that you're doing ok. You're strong enough to deal with this too.

kiss

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