Last night was one of the longest nights of my life...unable to sleep, feeling frightened, useless and overwhelmed. If you did not read my last blog, click here so that you might understand this one a little better.
Ryan called me yesterday evening with the news from his tests and doctor appointment. The news wasn't great...the doctor said that the CT scan showed swelling of his brain, and that it was serious. With the CT scan they were able to see that there was swelling, and that is was enough to cause significant symptoms for him, but they were not able to tell at this point what the cause is or whether or not it's treatable. He's scheduled for an MRI first thing tomorrow morning, and the doctor is trying to decide whether he will be scheduling Ryan for a lumbar puncture as well. The doctor said the bloodwork and urinalysis were both inconclusive, so at this time they are not able to determine any cause for the swelling.
I feel so helpless...I wish I could be there for my son while he is going through all of this. It just kills me that he is 600 miles away right now. All I wanted to do when he told me was to wrap my arms around him and hold him close...to give him one of my Mom hugs that he so frequently tells me that he misses. I'm sure he's scared half to death, and I know that he didn't get as much information from the doctor as I would have been able to if I had been able to be there with him. Unfortunately, because he is married he is a legal adult, even though he is only 16 and I am unable to contact the doctor directly to discuss any of this without his written consent. I asked him last night if he would be willing to give me his consent to speak with his doctor, and he said he wanted to think about it...I think he was just too freaked out to make any decisions.
Ryan's 17th birthday is next Monday. This kind of shit shouldn't be happening to him! We've had our fair share of ups and downs over the last year...he left Pocatello on really bad terms and we'd just started trying to mend some fences in the last couple of months. He left here because he just hated being here...he's gay, and never felt as though he fit in with the conservative kids that are so prevelant in this town. When he left originally, the plan was for him to move in with his grandparents in Spokane to finish up his high school education there, but that arrangement went south in a hurry and he decided that he wanted to live on his own with his best friend Sarah. Ryan and Sarah had known each other for quite some time as she and her brothers and sisters lived down the street from us for about eight years in the last house had in Spokane, and as soon as he got back to town they hooked up again and resumed their friendship. She's 18, and when Ryan decided to move out of his grandparents house they decided they were going to live together...we gave our permission for them to marry as it was the only legal way that he could be emancipated in the State of Washington at that time. I'm afraid to say that he's had a crash course in growing up over the last five or so months, and it saddens me deeply to know that he is going through all of this at his age, especially due to the fact that we are so far away from him. He has not been on speaking terms with his grandparents and the rest of the extended family for a couple months, for some very good reasons, and neither have we...but he's asked me to call his grandmother for him to let her know.
I wanted to thank each and everyone of you who left Flashmo and I messages of hope, support and encouragement over the last few days. When I logged on yesterday morning, there were several PM's awaiting for me and as the day progressed I heard from better than a dozen of you via blog comments, PM's, emails, texts or phone calls...I'm grateful and honored to have friends such as yourselves. Some of you are closer to me than my own family...and I would very much beg to differ with anyone who says that internet friends are not "real friends". Please be patient with me on returning your messages, I'm just not doing very well right now and will do the best that I can. I love you all very much
Ryan called me yesterday evening with the news from his tests and doctor appointment. The news wasn't great...the doctor said that the CT scan showed swelling of his brain, and that it was serious. With the CT scan they were able to see that there was swelling, and that is was enough to cause significant symptoms for him, but they were not able to tell at this point what the cause is or whether or not it's treatable. He's scheduled for an MRI first thing tomorrow morning, and the doctor is trying to decide whether he will be scheduling Ryan for a lumbar puncture as well. The doctor said the bloodwork and urinalysis were both inconclusive, so at this time they are not able to determine any cause for the swelling.
I feel so helpless...I wish I could be there for my son while he is going through all of this. It just kills me that he is 600 miles away right now. All I wanted to do when he told me was to wrap my arms around him and hold him close...to give him one of my Mom hugs that he so frequently tells me that he misses. I'm sure he's scared half to death, and I know that he didn't get as much information from the doctor as I would have been able to if I had been able to be there with him. Unfortunately, because he is married he is a legal adult, even though he is only 16 and I am unable to contact the doctor directly to discuss any of this without his written consent. I asked him last night if he would be willing to give me his consent to speak with his doctor, and he said he wanted to think about it...I think he was just too freaked out to make any decisions.
Ryan's 17th birthday is next Monday. This kind of shit shouldn't be happening to him! We've had our fair share of ups and downs over the last year...he left Pocatello on really bad terms and we'd just started trying to mend some fences in the last couple of months. He left here because he just hated being here...he's gay, and never felt as though he fit in with the conservative kids that are so prevelant in this town. When he left originally, the plan was for him to move in with his grandparents in Spokane to finish up his high school education there, but that arrangement went south in a hurry and he decided that he wanted to live on his own with his best friend Sarah. Ryan and Sarah had known each other for quite some time as she and her brothers and sisters lived down the street from us for about eight years in the last house had in Spokane, and as soon as he got back to town they hooked up again and resumed their friendship. She's 18, and when Ryan decided to move out of his grandparents house they decided they were going to live together...we gave our permission for them to marry as it was the only legal way that he could be emancipated in the State of Washington at that time. I'm afraid to say that he's had a crash course in growing up over the last five or so months, and it saddens me deeply to know that he is going through all of this at his age, especially due to the fact that we are so far away from him. He has not been on speaking terms with his grandparents and the rest of the extended family for a couple months, for some very good reasons, and neither have we...but he's asked me to call his grandmother for him to let her know.
I wanted to thank each and everyone of you who left Flashmo and I messages of hope, support and encouragement over the last few days. When I logged on yesterday morning, there were several PM's awaiting for me and as the day progressed I heard from better than a dozen of you via blog comments, PM's, emails, texts or phone calls...I'm grateful and honored to have friends such as yourselves. Some of you are closer to me than my own family...and I would very much beg to differ with anyone who says that internet friends are not "real friends". Please be patient with me on returning your messages, I'm just not doing very well right now and will do the best that I can. I love you all very much
VIEW 25 of 37 COMMENTS
societyspliers:
Stilll wondering about the MRI????
mrs_misha:
your family is in my thoughts and I am thinking positive...