jesus_christ

i've just hit a kind of a wall of depression again and the only thing i can really do is turn around and pretend to laugh while it slowly crumbles. i've tried other things. they don't work. well, sex does, but i don't think that's going to happen. also, my great grandmother just died today, which i'm really not too sad about. she was 95, just had her third stroke, and wasn't all that coherent. my dad just wishes that he could have seen her first or been there. he visited about a week ago, but i haven't seen her in a few months. and then my mom is coming to me about raising my brother because he's doing this whole control thing and she recognizes it now because she just went through 6 months of therapy thanks to my stepdad and i can't believe he's still my stepdad. fuck. i love sadness, i really do, don't get me wrong. it creates wonderful things, tears wonderful things down, and most importantly, cleanses my system. without it, i'd be too full of wastes from being happy too often. once in a while i need those tears to flush all the happy crap out. literally-crap.