Tuesday Oct 10, 2006

0
I really don't see many reasons not to kill myself right now.
I can't stop crying. I wake up and cry, get on the bus to work and cry, cry at work...it doesn't feel like it will ever get any better.
I know our relationship was bad and it's better that it's over but I can't stand being alone. Why get up at all if there's no one there? Why go to bed if there is no one to cuddle you?
And what hurts more is he seems so happy, like our relationship over the last three years meant nothing and it's better for it to be over. I keep imagining him with other girls and it's like a fucking knife in my chest.
I just don't think I can do this-I can't be by myself. I also don't have that many friends that can help, and those I do have are either in couples or just say they feel sorry for me which makes me want to die even more.
How can I ever have another relationship? How do I know this won't happen again? I never knew anything could ever hurt this much and I really want it to stop. frown
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
ginary:
time heals all pain sweety
s:
I promise you this but you have to not kill yourself to find out. Say 3 years from now . . . hell 1 year from now even . . when he's long gone and out of your heart for good . . . and you're happy again . . with or without someone. . you're gonna remember this journal post . . and you're probably gonna be like whoa . . you might even get a nice humble laugh out of it. I only say this cos I did the whole I-wanna-die-if-I-can't-be-with-her-deal. And if I had done it . .well that just would've been awfully stupid of me to say the least considering what I've been through since then. You will love again and it will be twice as strong as the last time . . everytime. I promise . . . I am the king of heart ache and despair. I tell you no bullshit. You have to ask yourself . . as you already have . . "why do I feel this way?" . . Well, I'll tell you if I haven't already. You've spent so long building your life around this fellla . . now he's not there . . it feels like, well . . your life is over. Right? That's all it is. You like A Perfect Circle? Go put on that song "The Outsider" . . that's always a nice little smack in the face by my theropist. . yes, the one and only . . Maynard James. Time heals nothing . . it's what you do in that time .

To give good advice, I need real-time responses. So I'll stop for now.

I'll be watching you

Also . . how'd you get Nixon as a friend? She totally hates me frown

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