jessiluve

and now, for an unsent letter:



Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

I just wanted to drop a line to say thanks for moving your bed away from the wall and/or tightening the screws on your bed frame. Also, thank you for muffling the moans resembling that of a dying giraffe. I can sleep so much better when there's not a sumo wrestling match going on above my head.

However, you may not be aware that I still can hear you up there. Recently I have become quite aquainted with your Nextel walkie-talkie phone, you know, with the constant beeping and the wanna-be OC drama bullshit that is on the loudspeaker for everyone in our unit to hear?

Also, why the fuck did you shave your cat? His whole body, except for his head!?! It scared the crap out of me last week when I came home to him sitting on the wall above my front door like a gargoyle. Yesterday I wasn't exactly pleased when I looked outside and caught him taking a dump in my planter. And finally today, when I saw a suspicious looking pile on your stairs. Dude, your pet is trying to tell you something - he's too embarrassed by his appearance to go do his business outside of the gate. Take care of your animals.

Ok, well I guess that is it for now. I know in a month here you'll be coming up on your 1 year anniversary of living above me, congratulations on that. Enjoy the $150 hike in rent that you'll get from the management company. Oh yeah and one more thing....

I WANT MY PARKING SPACE BACK DAMNIT.


Warm personal regards,

J