jessikah

I am in a stalemate with myself. Or rather I'm lost. Or I've forgotten myself. Or I'm a manic depressive.

The brain cogs feel rusted together. Broken apart and fallen away.

I'm still trying to make New York home. It is home. It's where I live and where I love. But we don't love each other. Not yet.

A city. A mass metropolis. Everyone so tightly fit into their own shell. I feel the greatest lack of humanity here. For me. For my sensitivities.

Growing up in a city that had nothing to offer but bars and bar and bars.... entering the metropolis I have no desire to visit more and more and more bars.

I miss kindness. Pure unadulterated kindness. Even mine is diminishing. Or I am.

The connection was cut a few years ago, I think. When I broke down and went completely nutters.

I don't know.