jessicunt

I was upset last night. Will had been keeping secrets from me again. Maybe I overexaggerate that. But I hate that feeling. Finding out something that would have hurt less to find out sooner rather than later.
He sold my guitar. And it seemed like he wouldn't have told me unless I asked, which I did. I just wanted it back. I just wanted to feel less like a lazy fucking bum and get back to doing something I was growing rather fond of. And he sold my first guitar. He sold the first instrument I learned how to play. He sold the thing that I spent hours killing my fingers with. And I still wanted to play it. It was a shitty acoustic. But I almost cried when I got it for Christmas. He sold part of me. And he doesn't understand that, but I didn't try to explain it to him. I don't want to try to explain myself to him. I'm not obligated to anymore, right? We don't even hang out.
Last time we hung out... I guess, you could say it was a mess. It would have just been nice to see him and talk to him. I had so much to tell him. I wanted him so badly to be my friend. But he wants a different kind of friendship. And his feelings were hurt because I didn't go through with it. Thus, making me feel like shit. But... I'm not going to anymore. I'm not going to have sex with him anymore. And he said he wouldn't make me if I didn't want to. And hopefully he's true to his word, without making himself invisible to me again. Because he talked me into sticking around to be friends with him... so shouldn't it be worth it? It should be worth it, but if it just turns out and fizzles down now... it wasn't worth it. And I should have just went with my instincts at first. I could have just wrenched myself from him, felt sorry for myself for however long that I needed to, and gone on without him. But ... now ... there's still this. I just want to be friends. And have good friend times. Hanging out. I want that with everybody. I just want friends.

I'm going to go do my sister's makeup.