What a lovely thursday morning. Let me brush up on some cathartic subjects to expel some hostility I've been holding on myself lately.
And forgive me, I've been drinking
I have an addiction. Not to alcohol, to drugs, or even to men, but to pride. That moment you made me leave and told me I was nothing to you, it made me attempt to kill myself. Can you believe that? I let your words and opinion let me feel so negatively about myself that I felt absolutely nothing left worth living for. And hold your fucking pride, you empty canvas, it's not YOU in particular that made me feel like that. It's the intensity of your words that made me believe that I was worth nothing.
And how dare you. You should be ashamed, darling.
How bittersweet it was when you told me you hated me, yet I let you swallow me whole that night; entwined in sweat, frustration, and lust. I left that morning with a torn shirt, bite marks, and the same feeling you left me with each and every time: useless.
Why do I do this to myself? Because attention of any kind, even as bitter as your delivery, was as sweet as honey to me. And I craved the temporary approval, even throughout the week when I reflected on your ugly words, my crazy ass came up with several theories (IE - you were playing hard to get), when in reality, you're a boy trapped in a man's body and wouldn't know how to healthily develop a caring companionship with a women, you incompetent fuck.
How dare you make me feel like I was anything but the beautiful woman I know I am and how dare you make me feel like I didn't deserve much in life. Your drunken apology on the couch that night sticks in my mind, but I know the words were only a fabled summary of the old saying "When you do wrong, apologize." And you played the part well enough until I sobered up enough to summarize that blabber in the category of "bullshit."
You consistently tell me "never again" and I praise the Lord for that. Why would I want to put myself through that again? I wouldn't. Never again will I let the foul words of a man of your poor status reflect any sort of worthless feelings upon me. I really do hope you read this, think about it, and realize how much of a dick you truly were and keep this in mind the next time you stick your dick into another femalethat we are humans with emotions, thoughts, opinions, and capabilitieswhether good or bad.
I wanted to write this note to all the women I know whom have gone through similar situations; whom have fallen for a man who wasn't worth the time of day, didn't deserve our affections, and wasted our time delivering our heart in a box only to have it returned mashed with a 'return to sender' stamped on top.
You will regret the day when you see me on another man's arm, because you've already shown your childish jealousy. Thanks for motivating me to have standards, to hold my head high, and to get on Paxil. Now my social anxiety is under control and I can allow myself to be the rockstar I know I am without the fear of rejection.
I've seen over 30 states, had the best experiences, smiled more than I've cried, and have been under the sun, the moon, and the stars surrounded by the company of some of my most beloved people. And what can you say? Oh, that's right. You're still stuck in the same place since high school.. Kudos to that.
Oh, Amy Winehouse...sing it for me baby.
"I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,
I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men"
And forgive me, I've been drinking
I have an addiction. Not to alcohol, to drugs, or even to men, but to pride. That moment you made me leave and told me I was nothing to you, it made me attempt to kill myself. Can you believe that? I let your words and opinion let me feel so negatively about myself that I felt absolutely nothing left worth living for. And hold your fucking pride, you empty canvas, it's not YOU in particular that made me feel like that. It's the intensity of your words that made me believe that I was worth nothing.
And how dare you. You should be ashamed, darling.
How bittersweet it was when you told me you hated me, yet I let you swallow me whole that night; entwined in sweat, frustration, and lust. I left that morning with a torn shirt, bite marks, and the same feeling you left me with each and every time: useless.
Why do I do this to myself? Because attention of any kind, even as bitter as your delivery, was as sweet as honey to me. And I craved the temporary approval, even throughout the week when I reflected on your ugly words, my crazy ass came up with several theories (IE - you were playing hard to get), when in reality, you're a boy trapped in a man's body and wouldn't know how to healthily develop a caring companionship with a women, you incompetent fuck.
How dare you make me feel like I was anything but the beautiful woman I know I am and how dare you make me feel like I didn't deserve much in life. Your drunken apology on the couch that night sticks in my mind, but I know the words were only a fabled summary of the old saying "When you do wrong, apologize." And you played the part well enough until I sobered up enough to summarize that blabber in the category of "bullshit."
You consistently tell me "never again" and I praise the Lord for that. Why would I want to put myself through that again? I wouldn't. Never again will I let the foul words of a man of your poor status reflect any sort of worthless feelings upon me. I really do hope you read this, think about it, and realize how much of a dick you truly were and keep this in mind the next time you stick your dick into another femalethat we are humans with emotions, thoughts, opinions, and capabilitieswhether good or bad.
I wanted to write this note to all the women I know whom have gone through similar situations; whom have fallen for a man who wasn't worth the time of day, didn't deserve our affections, and wasted our time delivering our heart in a box only to have it returned mashed with a 'return to sender' stamped on top.
You will regret the day when you see me on another man's arm, because you've already shown your childish jealousy. Thanks for motivating me to have standards, to hold my head high, and to get on Paxil. Now my social anxiety is under control and I can allow myself to be the rockstar I know I am without the fear of rejection.
I've seen over 30 states, had the best experiences, smiled more than I've cried, and have been under the sun, the moon, and the stars surrounded by the company of some of my most beloved people. And what can you say? Oh, that's right. You're still stuck in the same place since high school.. Kudos to that.
Oh, Amy Winehouse...sing it for me baby.
"I don't understand,
Why do I stress A man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,
I shouldn't play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men"
9005900:
yup, over here too. Foggy, and temps are in the 60's. One year ago, we had ice everywhere!