Black Thursday/ Friday of Doom has officially ended. God damn do I need sleep. Work was hell. But nice somehow, now that i have left any ways...
wow! 31 comments... i feel quite loved. as a happy little tear runs down my cheek and I curl up for bed I leave you with a story. Some of you may have read this, if so, read it again. Its my favorite:
The List
It all started somewhere around the age of 5. I had learned pretty quickly that getting older just means having more to lose and having lost more. When I was ten, for example, I lost my favorite Spider Man shirt. When I was twenty I realized that I was going to lose every favorite shirt eventually. One at a time for a good while, and then suddenly all at once.
As I said, it started at 5. I was about to kiss my first girl. I didnt know it yet. I thought we were playing Star Wars, which we actually were, but I didnt remember this part of the game. The part where Danielle, who was playing Leia forced me (as Hans Solo, of course) to hide under the slide while the other kids ran by. The others, Tommy, Alex, Demarkus, Shaun, and Nicole, were all gleeful Storm Troopers. It wasnt easy to convince them to skip the starting roles, but Danielle was forceful (I realize know what a terrific pun that was) and I was resourceful.
But I want to be Leia! Cried Nikki.
And I wanna be Han no fair. Whimpered the incessant whiner, Alex.
The part of Luke was filled as always by Luke. He was 9 and twice our size and only appeared to be playing with us for two reasons: 1. He was Luke, and 2. No one else would play with him due to his curious smell. (For my part I had recommended he be Jabba, but he cut that suggestion short. It still bugs me. Whoever heard of a fat Luke Sky Walker?). So Luke was covered and that was that.
Which was fine with us because we never played the game right anyways. We didnt have a Vader so it was always storm troopers vs Ewoks. So Luke was Luke. Other than that Danielle was in total control. Its hard to explain how she did it, but Danielle was always in control. Anyone who argued with her found, to their immediate dismay, that David Deatons school of Karate wasnt completely a joke. Although Master Deaton did end up doing the choreography for Power Rangers which to me is about as funny as it gets. Apparently, crotch kicking was Danielles best class. And since none of our crotches felt like being kicked we submitted to Danielles two demands:
1. That I be Han Solo (which I was just fine with since I had a new plastic ray gun I was itching to use) and
2. That the remaining lot would all be storm troopers searching for Luke.
I was quite fond of her plan since it meant I got to be Harrison Ford, but the other kids immediately groaned. Luckily, I had an idea. The problem with being a Storm Trooper, I said to myself, is that the costume is the whole character and we didnt have any imperial armor laying around. But we did have a penny drive. A great big one. Row after row of milk jugs filled with pennys and nickels. Our daycare, the Academy Center (which at the time had the only indoor pool in town which it charged entirely too much to use), was always making us raise money for one sad lot of kids or another. Frankly I was a bit sick of them so I relished the idea of destroying this newest fundraiser for the honestly I dont remember. Oh! I know. Lets say it was Live Aid. I mean, I know it wasnt but well it was about the same time and Live Aid is funny. Well, you know, Aids isnt funny but its fundraiser was. Boy George is going to save the world from Aids huh? Anyways, I told everyone to hold on and I ran across our giant, green-carpeted play room, and dove for my cubby hole. In the red plastic suitcase I used for a bag, (I thought it made me look older, turns out I just looked weird) I grabbed my scissors and a black Crayola marker.
When I sprinted back with four recently emptied Penny Jugs (formerly milk Jugs) everyone just stared. And they kept staring as I began to cut away. It wasnt until I cut out the first eye hole that it began to dawn on them. I drew some lines on it with the marker and there you were, the daycare prototype for galactic battle armor. I explained how to make one and they promptly ignored me and made four completely different types of helmets. I guess it didnt matter that they didnt match, or that they looked ridiculous because now they felt it. Now they were evil troopers, and they were one step away from conquering the galaxy.
So, Danielle and Lukes stipulations were settled along with the protests of the others. And I was Han Solo. So we separated into 3 groups and started to plan our strategies. I know it should have only been 2 groups but you have to remember that Luke smelled like a dead catfish in July. Besides he was no fun as a team mate `cuz once he got his cardboard lightsaber ready he didnt feel a need to distinguish between friend and foe. Oh and I forgot to mention that everyone who hadnt agreed to play was now an Ewok. They would find out soon enough, we had all agreed. So the game was really more of everyone against Luke and the Ewoks. I was excited because my gun made G.I. Joe sounds when I pulled the trigger and it sounded real. G. I. Joe real. DEEWWW! DEEEWW! DEEEEW!
The play room was size of a little league soccer field, but a little more square. On the South wall were the cubbies and our nap mats. The East door led to our gravel playground (whose idea were those anyways? Monkey bars above rocks?) and the West wall was covered with posters and shelves filled with games. That was all good and well for the other kids, I thought, but I always gravitated towards the North. On that special wall was a ladder. It went about four feet high and lead to a perplexing second floor/ catwalk/ thing. It ran the length of the room and had all sorts of obstacles and hiding places along its narrow walkway. It was less than three feet wide, but (and this is a big but) it had a slide at each end. We were only allowed on the bits with the slides. The rest was off limits, so of course I spent most of my time there.
While the unsuspecting Ewoks played Trouble and Monopoly in the middle of the room, and the Emperors army assembled from the South, I hid with Danielle under a slide to the North West. No one cared what Luke did. He would show up soon enough, sadly he always did. Danielle had always reminded me a female villain from G.I. Joe. The one in the leather. Lady Deathstrike or something like that I thinkHmm, not so important I guess. She had milk-white skin that would burn red on cue (coincidentally, when that happened it was your cue to run) , her eyes were big puppy eyes, sorta like that Pound Puppy she carried every where, and her hair was darker than Emerald Caverns when they turned the lights out. I was looking at her face when it happened, but that was a coincidence. I was really thinking about whether or not the Transformers movie could possibly top GoBots. Which led me to three separate thoughts at once. How do spinning tops keep from falling? Why do I get free toys for saving box tops? If they needed the cardboard why not ask for the whole box back? And I really needed to get some new baseball cards, the kind with the gum. That was tasty Gum. Especially when it was all old and crumbly. Mmmm-
Owen, Danielle interrupted, pay attention to me.
Leia, its Han, not Owen. Geeze.
I guess she didnt like my answer `cuz then she pulled my hair. And I didnt like that so I answered to Owen. OWW! What Danielle? God. Owww.
I dont want to play Star Wars.
What? But Danielle it was your idea.
I just said that to get them away. I want to play something else.
Why cant they play? I wondered.
Danielles cheeks started to show hints of red and her eyes narrowed dangerously. Because I dont want them to.
Oh. I said. And that was that. Well, what do you want to play?
House. She replied.
I dont want to be a stupid house. I want to be Han Solo. I got my new gun and I want to- Ouch!
No. Thats not how you play house stupid.
Well how do you?
Close your eyes and wait. Ill show you. She said.
And so I did. I was new to House but I already new to do what girls told me, especially if they kick with deadly precision. I wondered if maybe I could just dodge her like the girl from peanuts did Charlie Brown but I was afraid of what would happen if she tried a second time with a running start. I didnt really care for House so far but I had high hopes. After all, closing your eyes usually meant something good, right? And so I sat and waited nervously.
Meanwhile, to the South East, a truce had just been signed between the Ewoks, Luke Skywalker, and the Galactic Fleet. It appeared that Leia had to die. Sadly, I was on her team so I it appeared I was screwed as well. After Luke elected himself leader they came running with pillows, nap mats, and the really long wooden blocks (which I hope were just for effect) as Danielle opened the door, so to speak, to the world of House.
My eyes were closed super tight so I could see the purple clouds that appeared when I squinted. They moved around and changed shape and I wondered if anyone else saw them when they closed their eyes too hard or looked at the sun. Hmmm, I thought as I felt two hands on my shoulders. I began to panic. What if House just meant kick Owen in the balls? As Danielle made her move I heard the Anti-Leia alliance approaching. But they were too late. She pushed me down and kissed me for about ten seconds as I squirmed like crazy. I didnt open my eyes until it was over, and when I did I wished I hadnt. The coalition forces burst out in laughter and immediately began calling me names. I came to hate Danielle rather quickly. But the damage was done. I wanted to know why she had done that. And why everyone felt a need to hate me for it. Was kissing so bad? Since everyone else made fun of me for being a girl lover, and taunted me with Owen and Dani sittin in a tree I had to hang out with Dani in order to escape their ribbing. She protected me from them, I was just a pudgy little guy who liked airplanes and sandboxes. She was a ninja. The problem was, I didnt have anyone to protect me from her. But thats how it works isnt it?
And so the first name was added to my list. One name down and I was already an outcast. It didnt take long for me to realize that kissing girls had consequences, but the more girls you kiss the harder it is to turn back. By Middle School I was totally hopeless.
wow! 31 comments... i feel quite loved. as a happy little tear runs down my cheek and I curl up for bed I leave you with a story. Some of you may have read this, if so, read it again. Its my favorite:
The List
It all started somewhere around the age of 5. I had learned pretty quickly that getting older just means having more to lose and having lost more. When I was ten, for example, I lost my favorite Spider Man shirt. When I was twenty I realized that I was going to lose every favorite shirt eventually. One at a time for a good while, and then suddenly all at once.
As I said, it started at 5. I was about to kiss my first girl. I didnt know it yet. I thought we were playing Star Wars, which we actually were, but I didnt remember this part of the game. The part where Danielle, who was playing Leia forced me (as Hans Solo, of course) to hide under the slide while the other kids ran by. The others, Tommy, Alex, Demarkus, Shaun, and Nicole, were all gleeful Storm Troopers. It wasnt easy to convince them to skip the starting roles, but Danielle was forceful (I realize know what a terrific pun that was) and I was resourceful.
But I want to be Leia! Cried Nikki.
And I wanna be Han no fair. Whimpered the incessant whiner, Alex.
The part of Luke was filled as always by Luke. He was 9 and twice our size and only appeared to be playing with us for two reasons: 1. He was Luke, and 2. No one else would play with him due to his curious smell. (For my part I had recommended he be Jabba, but he cut that suggestion short. It still bugs me. Whoever heard of a fat Luke Sky Walker?). So Luke was covered and that was that.
Which was fine with us because we never played the game right anyways. We didnt have a Vader so it was always storm troopers vs Ewoks. So Luke was Luke. Other than that Danielle was in total control. Its hard to explain how she did it, but Danielle was always in control. Anyone who argued with her found, to their immediate dismay, that David Deatons school of Karate wasnt completely a joke. Although Master Deaton did end up doing the choreography for Power Rangers which to me is about as funny as it gets. Apparently, crotch kicking was Danielles best class. And since none of our crotches felt like being kicked we submitted to Danielles two demands:
1. That I be Han Solo (which I was just fine with since I had a new plastic ray gun I was itching to use) and
2. That the remaining lot would all be storm troopers searching for Luke.
I was quite fond of her plan since it meant I got to be Harrison Ford, but the other kids immediately groaned. Luckily, I had an idea. The problem with being a Storm Trooper, I said to myself, is that the costume is the whole character and we didnt have any imperial armor laying around. But we did have a penny drive. A great big one. Row after row of milk jugs filled with pennys and nickels. Our daycare, the Academy Center (which at the time had the only indoor pool in town which it charged entirely too much to use), was always making us raise money for one sad lot of kids or another. Frankly I was a bit sick of them so I relished the idea of destroying this newest fundraiser for the honestly I dont remember. Oh! I know. Lets say it was Live Aid. I mean, I know it wasnt but well it was about the same time and Live Aid is funny. Well, you know, Aids isnt funny but its fundraiser was. Boy George is going to save the world from Aids huh? Anyways, I told everyone to hold on and I ran across our giant, green-carpeted play room, and dove for my cubby hole. In the red plastic suitcase I used for a bag, (I thought it made me look older, turns out I just looked weird) I grabbed my scissors and a black Crayola marker.
When I sprinted back with four recently emptied Penny Jugs (formerly milk Jugs) everyone just stared. And they kept staring as I began to cut away. It wasnt until I cut out the first eye hole that it began to dawn on them. I drew some lines on it with the marker and there you were, the daycare prototype for galactic battle armor. I explained how to make one and they promptly ignored me and made four completely different types of helmets. I guess it didnt matter that they didnt match, or that they looked ridiculous because now they felt it. Now they were evil troopers, and they were one step away from conquering the galaxy.
So, Danielle and Lukes stipulations were settled along with the protests of the others. And I was Han Solo. So we separated into 3 groups and started to plan our strategies. I know it should have only been 2 groups but you have to remember that Luke smelled like a dead catfish in July. Besides he was no fun as a team mate `cuz once he got his cardboard lightsaber ready he didnt feel a need to distinguish between friend and foe. Oh and I forgot to mention that everyone who hadnt agreed to play was now an Ewok. They would find out soon enough, we had all agreed. So the game was really more of everyone against Luke and the Ewoks. I was excited because my gun made G.I. Joe sounds when I pulled the trigger and it sounded real. G. I. Joe real. DEEWWW! DEEEWW! DEEEEW!
The play room was size of a little league soccer field, but a little more square. On the South wall were the cubbies and our nap mats. The East door led to our gravel playground (whose idea were those anyways? Monkey bars above rocks?) and the West wall was covered with posters and shelves filled with games. That was all good and well for the other kids, I thought, but I always gravitated towards the North. On that special wall was a ladder. It went about four feet high and lead to a perplexing second floor/ catwalk/ thing. It ran the length of the room and had all sorts of obstacles and hiding places along its narrow walkway. It was less than three feet wide, but (and this is a big but) it had a slide at each end. We were only allowed on the bits with the slides. The rest was off limits, so of course I spent most of my time there.
While the unsuspecting Ewoks played Trouble and Monopoly in the middle of the room, and the Emperors army assembled from the South, I hid with Danielle under a slide to the North West. No one cared what Luke did. He would show up soon enough, sadly he always did. Danielle had always reminded me a female villain from G.I. Joe. The one in the leather. Lady Deathstrike or something like that I thinkHmm, not so important I guess. She had milk-white skin that would burn red on cue (coincidentally, when that happened it was your cue to run) , her eyes were big puppy eyes, sorta like that Pound Puppy she carried every where, and her hair was darker than Emerald Caverns when they turned the lights out. I was looking at her face when it happened, but that was a coincidence. I was really thinking about whether or not the Transformers movie could possibly top GoBots. Which led me to three separate thoughts at once. How do spinning tops keep from falling? Why do I get free toys for saving box tops? If they needed the cardboard why not ask for the whole box back? And I really needed to get some new baseball cards, the kind with the gum. That was tasty Gum. Especially when it was all old and crumbly. Mmmm-
Owen, Danielle interrupted, pay attention to me.
Leia, its Han, not Owen. Geeze.
I guess she didnt like my answer `cuz then she pulled my hair. And I didnt like that so I answered to Owen. OWW! What Danielle? God. Owww.
I dont want to play Star Wars.
What? But Danielle it was your idea.
I just said that to get them away. I want to play something else.
Why cant they play? I wondered.
Danielles cheeks started to show hints of red and her eyes narrowed dangerously. Because I dont want them to.
Oh. I said. And that was that. Well, what do you want to play?
House. She replied.
I dont want to be a stupid house. I want to be Han Solo. I got my new gun and I want to- Ouch!
No. Thats not how you play house stupid.
Well how do you?
Close your eyes and wait. Ill show you. She said.
And so I did. I was new to House but I already new to do what girls told me, especially if they kick with deadly precision. I wondered if maybe I could just dodge her like the girl from peanuts did Charlie Brown but I was afraid of what would happen if she tried a second time with a running start. I didnt really care for House so far but I had high hopes. After all, closing your eyes usually meant something good, right? And so I sat and waited nervously.
Meanwhile, to the South East, a truce had just been signed between the Ewoks, Luke Skywalker, and the Galactic Fleet. It appeared that Leia had to die. Sadly, I was on her team so I it appeared I was screwed as well. After Luke elected himself leader they came running with pillows, nap mats, and the really long wooden blocks (which I hope were just for effect) as Danielle opened the door, so to speak, to the world of House.
My eyes were closed super tight so I could see the purple clouds that appeared when I squinted. They moved around and changed shape and I wondered if anyone else saw them when they closed their eyes too hard or looked at the sun. Hmmm, I thought as I felt two hands on my shoulders. I began to panic. What if House just meant kick Owen in the balls? As Danielle made her move I heard the Anti-Leia alliance approaching. But they were too late. She pushed me down and kissed me for about ten seconds as I squirmed like crazy. I didnt open my eyes until it was over, and when I did I wished I hadnt. The coalition forces burst out in laughter and immediately began calling me names. I came to hate Danielle rather quickly. But the damage was done. I wanted to know why she had done that. And why everyone felt a need to hate me for it. Was kissing so bad? Since everyone else made fun of me for being a girl lover, and taunted me with Owen and Dani sittin in a tree I had to hang out with Dani in order to escape their ribbing. She protected me from them, I was just a pudgy little guy who liked airplanes and sandboxes. She was a ninja. The problem was, I didnt have anyone to protect me from her. But thats how it works isnt it?
And so the first name was added to my list. One name down and I was already an outcast. It didnt take long for me to realize that kissing girls had consequences, but the more girls you kiss the harder it is to turn back. By Middle School I was totally hopeless.
Btw, is this a continuation of the previous story or is this something different?