jessewestend

My balls hurt.

Ouch.

So we got drunkand watched kung fu, like I do way too often and as I was leaving Matt (who does kung fu) challenged me to a fight. So for the next thirty minutes we meet each other blow for blow and I decided to make my move. I feign an attack and wait for the counter, he comes at me hands out to throw me off balance but I had already bounced back, planted my feet, and prepared to lunge in for the kill. I hit hard, palm open to his chest and throw him back, arms around his head I go for the choke hold but he's quick, and much stronger than me. We twist around and i have to bounce out again, I throw another open palm to catch him off guard and hopefully knock him down. I connect, but not with his chest, he was lower than I had realized and I hit him, open hand, full force, right in the nose (which immediately started to bleed so as to match his lip and my knuckles). I knew it had to hurt so I stopped to make sure he is ok and then I felt my eyeballs explode. On the ground hyperventilating I start to feel what was surely a full (muay thai-style) roundhouse kick in between my legs. My stomach is hurting more than I can explain and I start to struggle to breathe. Gasping for air i feel tears run down my eyes, I can't move and I wonder just how seriously I'm hurt.
Ten minutes,
later I'm vomiting in the bathroom and in a world of pain. I don't even know how I got in there. After finishing up I check the boys for damage and find to my dismay that both of my testes have swollen to the size and consistency of hard boiled eggs, leaving no room for them to move about. They are so sensitive to the touch that no position makes them stop hurting. After crawling back to the couch, tears still in my eyes I check on Matt. He thinks I may have broken his nose. twenty minutes and a few cigarettes later I am back up, and in sweat pants practicing different types of kicking stances and positions while we alternate holding pads. I kicked well, but obviously did even more damage. I know I should have went immediately home, or to a hospital, but I am a boy. A boy who thinks he is ten feet tall and refuses to be weak. Clearly I won't be masturbating for about a week and i dread working tomorrow. All in all my nuts are just about destroyed and I don't know if I will be able to sleep.

Now let me ask you a question, knowing all that, is this not the worst night in the world for your gf to post this?



Ari, dear, I know I promised an email. But I need to lay down and cry a bit. Jesus, you're amazing. The nintendo shirt is incredible. And I will see you so soon it's ridiculous.



:::::::Updated to add:::::
Ok the pain is getting worse again, I almost passed out brushing my teeth. And so far sleep has been impossible. I normally have a very casual attitude towards pain but this isn't as much painful as somewhat debilitating and weird. It's affecting my balance, my stomach, my cognition certainly. Irregardless, I don't think I will be fighting much in the next month. I wonder how Matt is doing? He kept spitting up blood.

You know I have to say, it was pretty awesome. Or atleast it will be when its all over with. Except for the whole hyperventilating like the black guy in T2 right before he lets go of the bomb trigger. That sort of freaked me out because I couldn't control it. Oh and the egg sized testicles, that sucks too. It was just priceless for us both to go down in one swinging attack and end up next to each other on the floor, face to face, in unbelievable pain showing each other the love of brothers as we took our final breaths... well you know thats the way the scene would have ended if it were actually a movie... that and I would have pulled my cup off, clocked out and went home happily.