jeseryn

Birds go one by one in the winter, a single raven hunched brooding in a barren tree, an owl fluffed against the cold in the high, dark shadows of a barn. Or they go in flocks, a massed thunder of wings to bear them up and away, wheeling through the sky like a handful of pepper grains thrown aloft, calling their way in Vs of mournful courage toward the promise of a distant and problematic survival.

Pretty.

And thank gawd the fucking birds that wake me up at 5 am with their incessant chirping are leaving town.

So this afternoon, in the spirit of having a life, I went with a friend to look at trees and bushes and pretty green things at a nursery. They had the prettiest trees! If/when I get a house I'm surrounded it in apple blossoms so I can dance on the pink petals.

After we unpacked all the bushes and assorted greenery he selected at his place we went to the mall and walked around. Gawds I miss shopping. But had a great time goofing around in the stores. Guitar hero is such a cool game. I think I'm asking Santa for it. Way fun.

We went to out to dinner and ate ribs. Of course, by the time I was done eating I had bbq sauce all over my face, hands and half the table. And I got to talk.. alot. It felt really good just to have someone listen to me, not judging and not directly involved in everything going on in my life right now.

So we sat at a pond we used to hang out when we were younger (I've known him since middle school) and I talked and talked and talked and eventually cried and then I felt better. Like some weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's not easy feeling out of control of everything in your life. I've been feeling that way and lonely and taken for granted.

But I am blessed in a lot of ways still. And no matter how bleak it looks now..it's the fall.. and eventually winter.. and then the spring. So anything is possible.

I took some pics when I was feeling pretty last night. Here's a couple..