jerky

So, there I was minding my own business yesterday, ironing in my spare bedroom. I heard a rustle coming from the closet. I stop and listen. My dog is somewhere else in the house - I know this.

I creep over to the closet and what scampers out under a bag? See below. My first thought was "How in the Green Hell did a fucking turtle get into the house - a TURTLE!?!?" I've heard of birds, bats, snakes - whatever making their way in a domicile. This was a turtle - a creature that has a top speed of .5 mph.

After a moment I put 2 and 2 together. My dog (see previous blog) has been moping around the house ever since I closed off the extra rooms when I turned the AC on this weekend. I figured he somehow smuggled in the turtle at night when I wasn't paying attention to his mouth. He stashed it in the closet to try to a) eat it later b) as a friend that would be the subject of some feel-good Disney movie.

So, I brought the turtle out to him, and instead of going crazy ape-shit like he normally would. I say in my deepest and slowest baratone: "Reverend, what did you do?" "What is this?" and he just looked at the ground.

BUSTED!!!!