well, as we can tell from my favorites, I have a thing for Brunettes.
Kind of freaking out at the moment. My best friend is moving across the continent, my ex suddenly wants to be back in my life, and I can't stand this seperation thing with Bren. Stupid, I know. He lives in Fountain Valley. Its a far cry from when he lived in whittier. I can now see him on pretty much a daily basis, but when he's not in my arms at night....I'm not going to lie and say its not dependence. Its a form of it. If he should disappear, I'd be sad and depressed, but I would not die from it. I don't think people truly know loss until they've been married for decades and a spouse dies. My grandparents were that way. They were always together and still in love when my grandpa died in his 80's. Thats an amazing thing.
My second family is what I want to base my marriage on. Barb and Roger have been together for 30 years. They can't remember their last knock down drag out. They have tifts, but know when to cool down, and give each other warnings when they are in a fighting mood. Barb knows all Roger's favorite things, and Roger always cooks for her and the family. They watch law and Order together. The two were dating at 18 I know times are different, and in California the divorce rate is at least 80%. It may have gotten higher in the past few years. That's sad. My mom has been divorced twice, and I don't want to take that chance. This is where the different basis comes in. I'm not saying my mom was wrong in marrying my dad, or her ex husband, when she married Fred, she made a really smart decision; counseling. I'm not a big fan of therapists or all that stuff (I was around them all the time as a teen), but the kinda church based ones are awesome. They really make you ask tough questions about finances and living situations. I had never thoughts of who's house we'd go to for Thanksgiving DInner, or who will do certain chores. By talking this stuff out, you start to prepare. Most marriages don't work because people aren't used to the two year period of "Oh Shit" This period begins when you live together. Having two separate routines and two seperate lives makes this single flow tough. You have to cook and clean for each other. You have to handle who cleans up whose mess. You have to match the decor of the house with shit you both brought. I'm thinking of moving in with Bren, so we're starting to ask these questions. what will we do with money? will I need to get a different job? will he? The thing is, we talk about this shit, and I respect that. He's being patient with all my quesitons. I've only lived on my own at a dorm. That means my parents have helped me with a living space this whole college experience. with one year left, I suddenly have the urge to go apartment hunting. I want to learn how to pay bills and behave. I don't want to end up like my step sisters who still need cosntant handouts and help to make it month to month. I want to figure out how to survive. Bren has done this for years. He knows what its like to take care of yourself and work throught things you don't think you can handle. we are cosntantly telling each other that this will all be alright. That's so important. while we aren't getting married yet (I know, forshame my church going bretheren) we are going to experiment with living together, I guess you can say I'm terrified of divorce, and am willing to avoid it at all costs. Besides, it would be nice to walk to the bathroom naked and not worring if my roomate will have a problem with it *wink* Its a trial. If it fails, or if we fail, we are not legally bound to each other. Thats a hard reality to face, but its there. I'm planning out how we'll each have our own accounts, but one joint for bills. I'm planning how we will draw up receipts for furniture purchases, so if we split up, one won't end up hurting financially because the other took all his or her stuff. I don't think the experiment will fail, but I always prepare for the worst, before expecting the best.
Give me a few months...we'll see if I go through with all this. Anyone taking bets yet?
Kind of freaking out at the moment. My best friend is moving across the continent, my ex suddenly wants to be back in my life, and I can't stand this seperation thing with Bren. Stupid, I know. He lives in Fountain Valley. Its a far cry from when he lived in whittier. I can now see him on pretty much a daily basis, but when he's not in my arms at night....I'm not going to lie and say its not dependence. Its a form of it. If he should disappear, I'd be sad and depressed, but I would not die from it. I don't think people truly know loss until they've been married for decades and a spouse dies. My grandparents were that way. They were always together and still in love when my grandpa died in his 80's. Thats an amazing thing.
My second family is what I want to base my marriage on. Barb and Roger have been together for 30 years. They can't remember their last knock down drag out. They have tifts, but know when to cool down, and give each other warnings when they are in a fighting mood. Barb knows all Roger's favorite things, and Roger always cooks for her and the family. They watch law and Order together. The two were dating at 18 I know times are different, and in California the divorce rate is at least 80%. It may have gotten higher in the past few years. That's sad. My mom has been divorced twice, and I don't want to take that chance. This is where the different basis comes in. I'm not saying my mom was wrong in marrying my dad, or her ex husband, when she married Fred, she made a really smart decision; counseling. I'm not a big fan of therapists or all that stuff (I was around them all the time as a teen), but the kinda church based ones are awesome. They really make you ask tough questions about finances and living situations. I had never thoughts of who's house we'd go to for Thanksgiving DInner, or who will do certain chores. By talking this stuff out, you start to prepare. Most marriages don't work because people aren't used to the two year period of "Oh Shit" This period begins when you live together. Having two separate routines and two seperate lives makes this single flow tough. You have to cook and clean for each other. You have to handle who cleans up whose mess. You have to match the decor of the house with shit you both brought. I'm thinking of moving in with Bren, so we're starting to ask these questions. what will we do with money? will I need to get a different job? will he? The thing is, we talk about this shit, and I respect that. He's being patient with all my quesitons. I've only lived on my own at a dorm. That means my parents have helped me with a living space this whole college experience. with one year left, I suddenly have the urge to go apartment hunting. I want to learn how to pay bills and behave. I don't want to end up like my step sisters who still need cosntant handouts and help to make it month to month. I want to figure out how to survive. Bren has done this for years. He knows what its like to take care of yourself and work throught things you don't think you can handle. we are cosntantly telling each other that this will all be alright. That's so important. while we aren't getting married yet (I know, forshame my church going bretheren) we are going to experiment with living together, I guess you can say I'm terrified of divorce, and am willing to avoid it at all costs. Besides, it would be nice to walk to the bathroom naked and not worring if my roomate will have a problem with it *wink* Its a trial. If it fails, or if we fail, we are not legally bound to each other. Thats a hard reality to face, but its there. I'm planning out how we'll each have our own accounts, but one joint for bills. I'm planning how we will draw up receipts for furniture purchases, so if we split up, one won't end up hurting financially because the other took all his or her stuff. I don't think the experiment will fail, but I always prepare for the worst, before expecting the best.
Give me a few months...we'll see if I go through with all this. Anyone taking bets yet?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
theloonie:
some older typse of christianity had a period of a year where at the start of it you pledged to get married, then you lived together as if you were for that year and if at the end of that year things wernt working then you went your seperate ways, and if they did work then you would have the wedding, sadly its a lost tradition, if it was still in use i think there would be alot less divorces
ginawa:
I'll break some legs if you get hurt! 