I'm listening to Ben Folds and staring into space...
cause go ahead you can laugh all you want, but I got my Philosophy...
Talking to a guy I very well could have hooked up with and had kids...scary.
I"m realizing that all this stuff I want, I've been conditioned to want.
A family, a dog, a house...these are the trappings of an extant social order...and then I think maybe I'm just taking my teachers too seriously.
So then I sit here and think about being alone. And that scares me more than anything. I think about cooking and cleaning for me and my cats. I think about never belonging...a feeling I know well. I think about reading, which I've been doing all day. I think about my friends with night jobs and bad attitudes. I think about getting a tattoo, more piercings, maybe a mohawk. I think about leaving California for good.
"Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before"
I'm starting to throw these fits again. Those ones where I call Bren in the middle of the night crying because I can't stand to face tommorrow, then collapse and get up for work.
I think I might be slowly killing him,
he spends more time with his friends,
and then its my fault that I have friends when he suddenly has free time.
I feel like I'm constantly on his schedule, and we don't live together.
But I love him, and he gets mad when I get frustrated with him.
Almost a year. The bliss is still there is large doses, but then again the emptiness almost cheapens it sometimes. welcome to relationships, I suppose.
Blah
cause go ahead you can laugh all you want, but I got my Philosophy...
Talking to a guy I very well could have hooked up with and had kids...scary.
I"m realizing that all this stuff I want, I've been conditioned to want.
A family, a dog, a house...these are the trappings of an extant social order...and then I think maybe I'm just taking my teachers too seriously.
So then I sit here and think about being alone. And that scares me more than anything. I think about cooking and cleaning for me and my cats. I think about never belonging...a feeling I know well. I think about reading, which I've been doing all day. I think about my friends with night jobs and bad attitudes. I think about getting a tattoo, more piercings, maybe a mohawk. I think about leaving California for good.
"Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before"
I'm starting to throw these fits again. Those ones where I call Bren in the middle of the night crying because I can't stand to face tommorrow, then collapse and get up for work.
I think I might be slowly killing him,
he spends more time with his friends,
and then its my fault that I have friends when he suddenly has free time.
I feel like I'm constantly on his schedule, and we don't live together.
But I love him, and he gets mad when I get frustrated with him.
Almost a year. The bliss is still there is large doses, but then again the emptiness almost cheapens it sometimes. welcome to relationships, I suppose.
Blah
as for dating and such, society does a great job of screwing us up. and not helping out those social freaks (IE, me) that people don't want to date.
but living life alone also means you spend your money on yourself and don't have anyone else's schedule to worry about!
as for dating, bleck. then again, all my relationships seem to be really great for 6 months or so, then takea turn for the worst and end in a fiery crash. so I'm biased.
hang in there...and don't be afraid to talk.