Last rites. Here's my blog which should be an obvious link to whatever that fiasco was on the Current Events forum. I have paid until March. Even a member posted that I am so insane that I probably had an imaginary conversation with SG Services regarding my free account so let me post a final blog.
I say this all respecting that I personally know this website is not represented by the countless obviously mentally questionable people who post as "paying members." This is an adult site. I respect free speech & expression but that thread is one example of a clear confusion where because people are paying for a membership, they seriously think they are entitled to act like psychotic assholes who would probably have the shit beaten out of them in person for acting like that but they feel safe in an imaginary world of internet life that is really scary to me as someone who was a punk long before the internet. Whatever subcultures you think are represented here by beautiful women? Awesome. This is modern times and people are being born into culture where cell phones and Google are common. I come from a culture which still gives respect to hippies because they were the first active subculture to terrorize the public media. If you people living in this shit system world seriously think this website or 18 year old girls represent true subculture, that's great for you. It's "not for me."
As if I need to humiliate my life anymore, my particular breed of culture came from an underground so beloved that we laugh at these morons everywhere who look like they woke up one day, grabbed someone's credit card and robbed a Hot Topic for concepts which people like the West Memphis 3 are dying in prison for and I pity you. Kids like me who are punks still treasure our old mix tapes from high school and do not care to scour the internet for shit you download and disgrace for free. We still proudly go to record stores just to stare at original test pressings that an unfortunate human being like myself had to personally sell because I was always homeless and couldn't carry my possessions from abandoned buildings into my knapsack because I still went to a shit job everyday working low level garbage because I never had any education but tried my best to get through a life so terrifying, I fucking shit on any scumbag who disrespects even my appearance these days.
This is an adult website where the people posting to some of these forums could be registered offenders for all we know or care. I have absolutely no educational training at all yet I have been insulted and terrorized on a board concerning my local community by for all I know, some asshole whose highest level of public speaking is "Would you like fries with that?" and these people are so aggressively ignorant it should scare the staff or whomever is responsible for the site's public representation which as far as I'm concerned is destroyed and shit upon by paying members. I honestly cannot believe that I am even being so polite when my own personal grief and levels of distress caused my mother to call my local police department which she had to spend time finding because she resides in Tampa, Florida and was terrified by my calls begging her to die or let someone kill me because I'm just losing my mind now.
Unlike the uncivilized neanderthals who ritually post proudly to the Current Events forum (because no one acts like that on the other boards), I actually have been trained by a police officer the very hazards of public misrepresentation. You assholes are posting on a website which you do not personally own and are shitting upon your own money for reasons unclear to me as someone much more greatly informed about the God damned danger of ruining peoples' lives. My own fucking police family was accused of crimes in the God damned fucking press 21 years ago. If you can't Google it it's because normal human beings can reference television news if they need to. My family's fucking name was raked through front page news and media with such aggression that citizens used the Yellow Pages to find our family name and began phoning death threats to my grandmother. If that doesn't make you feel bad enough about actions which concern peoples' lives, my grandmother to this day is so poor she still shares her own bedroom with one of her daughters suffering with cerebral palsy so vicious the woman never learned to read and they just left her alone. My cop stepfather would proudly walk his sister down the street because she had trouble walking and as a grown woman still liked coloring books. You savage beast motherfuckers living in a seriously disturbing culture of internet Hate should feel horrible that I even say these things. My own grandmother had her life threatened because of fucking freaks like you who were outraged by my cop family's name in the media and you wonder why someone like me gets aggressive towards assholes demanding the "justice" of Google links? You have no idea how people like you and those embedded in lives of ignorance to tragedies should praise God you should never have to.
Having said this, I am still not angry with the website. I was spoken to last week with some form of professional courtesy and decency by someone who answered the main office phone. I think whomever the person is who owns this site should work on its own members or policies. You people are weird, creepy and coming off as down right scary on a site which is represented to the public as "pornography" - the mainstream already regards this medium as questionable, let alone to have clearly deranged people posting with an authority I am saying is a disservice to free speech due to what I shared above about my grandmother being threatened. Not to mention with all due respect or disrespect the icons used by some of the assholes who posted to that thread against me alone. One of them wearing a mask and the other looking like someone on the 6:00 news. People who act like this and actually say they enjoy it because they love the boards and forums are all out just ignorant and indecent. If I were to ever be spoken to the way I was addressed on the boards by some random wack job on the street you can bet that 10 normal people standing there would physically attack you. Some of you post from profound places like Ohio. Here in Philly or say in NYC we are accustomed to seeing people get their teeth knocked out when they talk to others like that. Every living SHARP I have ever known has been proud to have done these things, too. One of my SHARP friends actually threatened to kill a customer at our bar when we worked together because the customer spoke rudely to me. Unlike some of you sad, normal people living off subcultures like mine who are too young to remember things that I don't have to Google, in NYC in particular real life skinheads with no affiliation to Nazis are proud to beat people within inches of their lives for disrespecting their friends.
If any one human enjoys sitting at home typing hateful posts degrading even mentally ill and distressed people like it is a sport that is somehow acceptable, I feel so sorry for the staff that owns this space. As I have repeatedly stated before, I always enjoyed my membership here. It is also unfortunate that a woman now subletting my guest room told me tonight randomly that she's sad because she's homeless and feels sad for another homeless friend who lost all of her possessions and home in that fire. Like I am a mentally disease ravaged person making these things up because I can't provide links to personal affects of tragedy.
*
This is all I want to post now. Let this be the most clear posting of what my subculture and political life means to me. People in my subculture are still true - we don't think much of modern times. We gleefully recall memories past of how hard it was to find songs on vinyl and made fanzines at Kinko's, still book our own shows and remember when it was so fun to get mail and trades from our pen pals before your shit culture made cell phones and text messaging normal. We used auto dialers on payphones and faced real police terror when the cops would come and not only shut our shows down but have us arrested. Most of you assholes have to check Ebay and go to Hot Topic for the essence. Most of you have to pay this website to look at these women because you are lonely and revolting human beings these women have ritually reported being afraid of. My roommate and I seriously discussed tonight how it still morbidly sickens us to our stomachs to know that the Crass logo is sold in Hot Topics. I vomit on people who think the Sex Pistols represent British punk over bands like Crass. If you don't know what I mean it's because you shouldn't. And there are plenty of members who feel this way. I can't say with authority but I think the only reason that Lil_Tuffy is always polite to me within reason is because he is an actual punk. I could be wrong, maybe he is just professional or nice but I know he does work with some true, actual punk stuff. There is a difference to assholes like me who despise the theft of underground culture where idiots present on a forum like here don't even understand that commonly associated political punks like me are ALWAYS like this and most wouldn't be caught dead on this site for it. I never cared until last week.
I'm posting 3 lasting images for you onlookers, some of you total perverse savages in every literal sense of the idea who need to pay this site to look at women who might look like me.
One is of my head that has a cut from the police scuffle. It was bleeding later and I'm really pissed that I now look worse distressed due to a freak out from a savage authority figure pretty much fucking with me for my appearance and intelligence.
Another was taken by a friendly police officer happy to have me pose upon request. He then invited me into the station to talk about my Pitbulls For Peace project which delighted every cop in the facility. They told me they're all animal lovers and would love to endorse my project, gave me the Sgt's name and told me to call about how to approach the police board of community projects. Sorry I have no Google link, just call the precinct for blood proof.
The other one is one of my neck tattoos. It reads "PAVLOV'S." More than ever this name and the accompanied " ' s " means Life to me. If you are too uneducated to know who Pavlov was and what Pavlov's Dogs is and need to use Google, you're sad. This is how smart I am while you idiots post on message boards degrading people like me. Pavlov's Dogs has been on my lips for so many years. I then heard it mentioned by name by the band Rorschach. Today as I attempt legal work with pitbulls and prisons and had my life savagely altered to currently unknown extents by some scumfuck pig, this means more now. I chose to have it raked across my precious neck because when people on the streets look at me --- some full of the bastard prejudiced hate represented by you freaks living in Idaho posting on the internets --- I want you to be afraid of me. You see that tattoo? Can you read it? Most people can't and it's perfect that way. People with neck tattoos create fear and assumptions. GOOD. When you see me coming and you judge my life or appearance, I want you to feel bad and look away. You wonder why people tattoo their faces even? They probably like me, have been in institutions and environments that have made them so scared, angry and thus scary that now people even like me are doing this to frighten people. I HATE when people stare at me and ask what my tattoos mean. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU assholes. When you look at my neck and wonder what the source of hate or meaning is, you should be afraid. I tattooed my neck to protect myself. I WANT people to know that I am visibly aggressive. When you look at me, look the fuck away because I AM this angry and tired.
Thanks to Tuffy for closing that fucking thread which for some reason he chose to end rather kindly. I appreciate that if it's serious. One does not know here and I certainly don't at all but am pretending it was a nice gesture.
"Open wounds never heal." - from "Pavlov's Dogs" by Rorschach
P.S. -
Do not contact me. I do not care who you are. Don't post me a comment and don't email me. I am saying with great aggression that I hate the fact that this damn website's forum of attention seeking savages caused me such grief that my damn mother hung up on me and called police. Fuck each and every last one of you. My deepest apologies to the office people I spoke to who told me these people don't represent the site. I think you should work harder on that because it is not right for a mother to frantically look for a phone number to call a local police station while telling her daughter "I'm really far away and I can't help you." You people are honestly lucky that I am still so smart and courteous I would never even mention that I was feeling distressed worse after those hospital experiences after being attacked on a wacko forum from a website even bearing the name "suicide" -- SO not funny I chose not to hurt my mother by telling her I was only in pain because I just needed my medication and was freaking out. If I need to be addressed by staff for saying these things, someone tell me bc I never bothered to update my email address linked to this profile for flagged messages & shit bc I stopped using this site months ago. So if I need to be reported to staff again for derailing or somehow saying things that are horrible, let staff know to PM here. I don't have access to the old email account and honestly can't figure out how to update that at this moment as it is my last priority.
Silly pictures of stupid crazy things:
I say this all respecting that I personally know this website is not represented by the countless obviously mentally questionable people who post as "paying members." This is an adult site. I respect free speech & expression but that thread is one example of a clear confusion where because people are paying for a membership, they seriously think they are entitled to act like psychotic assholes who would probably have the shit beaten out of them in person for acting like that but they feel safe in an imaginary world of internet life that is really scary to me as someone who was a punk long before the internet. Whatever subcultures you think are represented here by beautiful women? Awesome. This is modern times and people are being born into culture where cell phones and Google are common. I come from a culture which still gives respect to hippies because they were the first active subculture to terrorize the public media. If you people living in this shit system world seriously think this website or 18 year old girls represent true subculture, that's great for you. It's "not for me."
As if I need to humiliate my life anymore, my particular breed of culture came from an underground so beloved that we laugh at these morons everywhere who look like they woke up one day, grabbed someone's credit card and robbed a Hot Topic for concepts which people like the West Memphis 3 are dying in prison for and I pity you. Kids like me who are punks still treasure our old mix tapes from high school and do not care to scour the internet for shit you download and disgrace for free. We still proudly go to record stores just to stare at original test pressings that an unfortunate human being like myself had to personally sell because I was always homeless and couldn't carry my possessions from abandoned buildings into my knapsack because I still went to a shit job everyday working low level garbage because I never had any education but tried my best to get through a life so terrifying, I fucking shit on any scumbag who disrespects even my appearance these days.
This is an adult website where the people posting to some of these forums could be registered offenders for all we know or care. I have absolutely no educational training at all yet I have been insulted and terrorized on a board concerning my local community by for all I know, some asshole whose highest level of public speaking is "Would you like fries with that?" and these people are so aggressively ignorant it should scare the staff or whomever is responsible for the site's public representation which as far as I'm concerned is destroyed and shit upon by paying members. I honestly cannot believe that I am even being so polite when my own personal grief and levels of distress caused my mother to call my local police department which she had to spend time finding because she resides in Tampa, Florida and was terrified by my calls begging her to die or let someone kill me because I'm just losing my mind now.
Unlike the uncivilized neanderthals who ritually post proudly to the Current Events forum (because no one acts like that on the other boards), I actually have been trained by a police officer the very hazards of public misrepresentation. You assholes are posting on a website which you do not personally own and are shitting upon your own money for reasons unclear to me as someone much more greatly informed about the God damned danger of ruining peoples' lives. My own fucking police family was accused of crimes in the God damned fucking press 21 years ago. If you can't Google it it's because normal human beings can reference television news if they need to. My family's fucking name was raked through front page news and media with such aggression that citizens used the Yellow Pages to find our family name and began phoning death threats to my grandmother. If that doesn't make you feel bad enough about actions which concern peoples' lives, my grandmother to this day is so poor she still shares her own bedroom with one of her daughters suffering with cerebral palsy so vicious the woman never learned to read and they just left her alone. My cop stepfather would proudly walk his sister down the street because she had trouble walking and as a grown woman still liked coloring books. You savage beast motherfuckers living in a seriously disturbing culture of internet Hate should feel horrible that I even say these things. My own grandmother had her life threatened because of fucking freaks like you who were outraged by my cop family's name in the media and you wonder why someone like me gets aggressive towards assholes demanding the "justice" of Google links? You have no idea how people like you and those embedded in lives of ignorance to tragedies should praise God you should never have to.
Having said this, I am still not angry with the website. I was spoken to last week with some form of professional courtesy and decency by someone who answered the main office phone. I think whomever the person is who owns this site should work on its own members or policies. You people are weird, creepy and coming off as down right scary on a site which is represented to the public as "pornography" - the mainstream already regards this medium as questionable, let alone to have clearly deranged people posting with an authority I am saying is a disservice to free speech due to what I shared above about my grandmother being threatened. Not to mention with all due respect or disrespect the icons used by some of the assholes who posted to that thread against me alone. One of them wearing a mask and the other looking like someone on the 6:00 news. People who act like this and actually say they enjoy it because they love the boards and forums are all out just ignorant and indecent. If I were to ever be spoken to the way I was addressed on the boards by some random wack job on the street you can bet that 10 normal people standing there would physically attack you. Some of you post from profound places like Ohio. Here in Philly or say in NYC we are accustomed to seeing people get their teeth knocked out when they talk to others like that. Every living SHARP I have ever known has been proud to have done these things, too. One of my SHARP friends actually threatened to kill a customer at our bar when we worked together because the customer spoke rudely to me. Unlike some of you sad, normal people living off subcultures like mine who are too young to remember things that I don't have to Google, in NYC in particular real life skinheads with no affiliation to Nazis are proud to beat people within inches of their lives for disrespecting their friends.
If any one human enjoys sitting at home typing hateful posts degrading even mentally ill and distressed people like it is a sport that is somehow acceptable, I feel so sorry for the staff that owns this space. As I have repeatedly stated before, I always enjoyed my membership here. It is also unfortunate that a woman now subletting my guest room told me tonight randomly that she's sad because she's homeless and feels sad for another homeless friend who lost all of her possessions and home in that fire. Like I am a mentally disease ravaged person making these things up because I can't provide links to personal affects of tragedy.
*
This is all I want to post now. Let this be the most clear posting of what my subculture and political life means to me. People in my subculture are still true - we don't think much of modern times. We gleefully recall memories past of how hard it was to find songs on vinyl and made fanzines at Kinko's, still book our own shows and remember when it was so fun to get mail and trades from our pen pals before your shit culture made cell phones and text messaging normal. We used auto dialers on payphones and faced real police terror when the cops would come and not only shut our shows down but have us arrested. Most of you assholes have to check Ebay and go to Hot Topic for the essence. Most of you have to pay this website to look at these women because you are lonely and revolting human beings these women have ritually reported being afraid of. My roommate and I seriously discussed tonight how it still morbidly sickens us to our stomachs to know that the Crass logo is sold in Hot Topics. I vomit on people who think the Sex Pistols represent British punk over bands like Crass. If you don't know what I mean it's because you shouldn't. And there are plenty of members who feel this way. I can't say with authority but I think the only reason that Lil_Tuffy is always polite to me within reason is because he is an actual punk. I could be wrong, maybe he is just professional or nice but I know he does work with some true, actual punk stuff. There is a difference to assholes like me who despise the theft of underground culture where idiots present on a forum like here don't even understand that commonly associated political punks like me are ALWAYS like this and most wouldn't be caught dead on this site for it. I never cared until last week.
I'm posting 3 lasting images for you onlookers, some of you total perverse savages in every literal sense of the idea who need to pay this site to look at women who might look like me.
One is of my head that has a cut from the police scuffle. It was bleeding later and I'm really pissed that I now look worse distressed due to a freak out from a savage authority figure pretty much fucking with me for my appearance and intelligence.
Another was taken by a friendly police officer happy to have me pose upon request. He then invited me into the station to talk about my Pitbulls For Peace project which delighted every cop in the facility. They told me they're all animal lovers and would love to endorse my project, gave me the Sgt's name and told me to call about how to approach the police board of community projects. Sorry I have no Google link, just call the precinct for blood proof.
The other one is one of my neck tattoos. It reads "PAVLOV'S." More than ever this name and the accompanied " ' s " means Life to me. If you are too uneducated to know who Pavlov was and what Pavlov's Dogs is and need to use Google, you're sad. This is how smart I am while you idiots post on message boards degrading people like me. Pavlov's Dogs has been on my lips for so many years. I then heard it mentioned by name by the band Rorschach. Today as I attempt legal work with pitbulls and prisons and had my life savagely altered to currently unknown extents by some scumfuck pig, this means more now. I chose to have it raked across my precious neck because when people on the streets look at me --- some full of the bastard prejudiced hate represented by you freaks living in Idaho posting on the internets --- I want you to be afraid of me. You see that tattoo? Can you read it? Most people can't and it's perfect that way. People with neck tattoos create fear and assumptions. GOOD. When you see me coming and you judge my life or appearance, I want you to feel bad and look away. You wonder why people tattoo their faces even? They probably like me, have been in institutions and environments that have made them so scared, angry and thus scary that now people even like me are doing this to frighten people. I HATE when people stare at me and ask what my tattoos mean. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU assholes. When you look at my neck and wonder what the source of hate or meaning is, you should be afraid. I tattooed my neck to protect myself. I WANT people to know that I am visibly aggressive. When you look at me, look the fuck away because I AM this angry and tired.
Thanks to Tuffy for closing that fucking thread which for some reason he chose to end rather kindly. I appreciate that if it's serious. One does not know here and I certainly don't at all but am pretending it was a nice gesture.
"Open wounds never heal." - from "Pavlov's Dogs" by Rorschach
P.S. -
Do not contact me. I do not care who you are. Don't post me a comment and don't email me. I am saying with great aggression that I hate the fact that this damn website's forum of attention seeking savages caused me such grief that my damn mother hung up on me and called police. Fuck each and every last one of you. My deepest apologies to the office people I spoke to who told me these people don't represent the site. I think you should work harder on that because it is not right for a mother to frantically look for a phone number to call a local police station while telling her daughter "I'm really far away and I can't help you." You people are honestly lucky that I am still so smart and courteous I would never even mention that I was feeling distressed worse after those hospital experiences after being attacked on a wacko forum from a website even bearing the name "suicide" -- SO not funny I chose not to hurt my mother by telling her I was only in pain because I just needed my medication and was freaking out. If I need to be addressed by staff for saying these things, someone tell me bc I never bothered to update my email address linked to this profile for flagged messages & shit bc I stopped using this site months ago. So if I need to be reported to staff again for derailing or somehow saying things that are horrible, let staff know to PM here. I don't have access to the old email account and honestly can't figure out how to update that at this moment as it is my last priority.
Silly pictures of stupid crazy things:
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
When I think of the best loved Hero to bullied children, I always think of this dude but this is the first time I've seen the video since it debuted on MTV. Moz has gone through such legal strife with The Smiths & his own label, he lost so many rights to his own work that youtube continually deletes videos and it makes me sad. I can really recall the literal magic of first seeing this saying "Oh my God, she's wearing an Angelic Upstarts shirt!?" It is clearly to those who know not surprising why Morrissey is an icon to some of the most violent skinheads alive. Even the dude I already posted about whom I terrified has both Morrissey and pretty scary skinhead tattoos along his mural of a body. So cool.