Hello everyone! Christ! I'm horrible at this updating thing. Which is funny because I used to blog endlessly in the early double-Ohs. I'd like to thank all you lovely, lovely young women who've taken the time to come by and say hello! It is quite a pleasure, and thanks for...well...strange to say, but thanks for being naked? I laugh because I think how pervy that might sound coming from a guy who's almost 40 looking at young women on a website who are approaching 10, 15 even 20 years my junior. Kinda' creeps me out to think about and it also makes me a little sad. Age. It's lame, mostly because your body does stupid shit but in your mind you feel like you're still fucking 22 years old. Part of me wants to quit this sight...the aforementioned being one of the primary reasons, but for a few others (mostly, horribly superficial). Admittedly, me being the old salty dog that I am, I grew up in an era when women kept a nice crop of fur on their nether regions. I was born in 1976. The first pornos I was exposed to featured women with hair, full thick lustrous hair...muffs of every color were the rage once long ago and as a young man growing up I associated lustful womanhood with ample hair. I will make no secret of the fact that it has become a serious fetish of mine and an incredibly odd double-standard. Being a pansexual man I fetishize hair on women, but abhor hair on men. Odd I know, but nothing fires my lusts more than a woman with rangy hair - armpits, legs, and all the naughty bits - and I love a tall, muscular, dark-skinned man who's well oiled and shorn. /shrug Different strokes right?
In any event, it always saddens me to see so little pubic hair around here, so oftentimes I can find a particular hopeful or SG set beautiful and evocative; but very, very rarely does it inspire in me the intense passions that a very, very rare few around these parts do. I think of many of the classic SGs when I first joined (many long gone now) and then think about some of the new up-and-comers in the past couple of years. I can safely say that the furry beaver is an animal that is quickly going extinct around the world. :( BUT, that all said, I appreciate a woman's desire to do with their bodies as they will, and despite my little fetish, would never turn anyone of you down. :P
Finally, Jelly (my lovely wife) once frequented this site more often but life and such just change a body; and often I think that as much as she desires the wonderful, beautiful young women around these parts she probably also envies them. I think it's something we all can relate to eventually - youthful beauty and how it sort of just slips away from you. I think she internalizes that a bit and then ends up comparing herself (as is often the case with many of us). I try to point out that there are women of every size and stripe imaginable on here (one of my persistent loves of this site, actually) and that beauty is more their own definition of it (or at least that was the original point of the site - I often wonder how voting systems have skewed this message and the original mission of the SG site - but that's another discussion). I digress. Point is the youth is the kicker. Young, perfect beauty unmarred by time with all the world stretching out before you and your perfect, amazing bodies. It makes her sad (even though I still think she has a perfect amazing body). It makes me sad too sometimes.
I'll probably stick around in any event, there are a few of you still around that cause this old heart to flutter a bit.
Other news? Approaching my first year with the Trevor Project which has been awesome. My grandfather passed away on Wednesday (June 11th) and I'm heading back to Colorado to be with the family and see him to his final rest this next week. He was 92! Not too damn bad, and considering all the things I've done to my body (I certainly haven't been easy on it) I'd only be so lucky!
But back to the blogging. Like I said, I was once rabid. I actually dug up my old blog from back in the days. Anyone remember diaryland.com? It was my one and only blog and I realize that it actually covers almost 7 YEARS of my life!?! 2002 to 2009. It's double-cray to think about. It's pretty raw too. Very me then. (This probably covers the era of my life between 26 and 33-ish) So not me now...mmm...well, there's little echoes and there's just some things that are stitched into the fabric of who we are; but a lot has changed in my life and thus my own philosophy has changed too. In any event, if you're brave and actually care, you can quite literally take a dive into my mind and history - completely unedited and unadulterated - and quite literally watch the change and life unfold before your very eyes in my own little zany first person. It's unfiltered and quite honest in many ways and it is filled with many layers of my life to the very sad and tragic end of the blog. You may ask "what happened after all that, Fishy?" Well, I'll say that it got so much better and that it really changed the way I see things. Aaaanyway, without further ado...
Start at the beginning, entry 2002-05-20 "The Dragon Reborn" (I only just realize that was literally 12 years ago) (O_o) then make your way through my mind and through time at your leisure. I suppose I look at it all now as absurdly self-indulgent, but maybe that's why I don't blog much anymore? I figure if I have something to say I should say it to the world and those around me, and if anyone wants to know me deeply the it is up to them to ask and engage. Mostly though, I feel obligated to you wonderful and brave women here. You put yourselves up on this site, stand - quite literally - naked before judgement and I often think about how that can feel both terrifyingly vulnerable AND intensely empowering at the same time. That said, I feel if you're going to stand naked before me (even if it is hewn in pixels) then perhaps I should stand naked before you in a way.
That's about it, gotta' head off to finish up on this little indie game I've been working on. I'll post more on that in the future. Until then lovelies...
Rawk out with your naughty bits out...
Love
~Fishy