sitting here in my towel, procrastinating on getting dressed and leaving to go to work even though it is inevitable that this will be my plan. the alarm woke me up this morning and i forgot how good it felt to A) sleep in and B) sleep next to some one. luckily, i will be able to take part in both of these again...well, B before A as i still have to work thursday and wake up early to get from tel aviv to raanana to do these things.
joual is having fun milking the fact that i raised my voice at him the other night during my phone freak out. i don't care, i feel horrible about what i did. something so small and so insignificant as a phone, and i flipped. i flipped at the person trying to help me...that is no good. it's the first time i've ever really been like that and i am going to take steps to make sure i don't get like that again. sometimes i just have a hard time, my brain automatically thinks that any bad thing is a big bag thing and i go into freak-out mode. but he's being super sweet too and not being (too much of) a jerk about it. he's being a jerk..but in a cute "you know i still love and care about you" way. i promised him that i wouldn't get like that again. there was no need to. nothing warrented it except when he mentioned my parents helping me. that's when freak-out happened. people who know me know that one thing i "resent" my parents for is the fact that i've had to work so damn hard and they were never around to help. i mean, looking back (b/c hindsight is always 20/20) it's made me a strong and independent person. i learned at a young age how to balance school and work and still do well in both. i am not mad at my parents, believe me, and i know that if they could, they'd do more. my dad tells me a lot that he wishes that he could support me so i wouldn't have to work 30+ hours a week and be a full time student - that i could just focus on my studies. but this, my friend, is not the reality of the situation, and i've come to accept this. i've also come to accept that i can't really ask my parents for help. most people think it's sooo amazing that my parents are here (and it is) and that they support me financially. i laugh. i owe my dad a big chunk of change. luckily, it's my dad, i have my life to pay it off. but especially w/ my brother coming in today (MY BROTHER IS LANDING IN ISRAEL TODAY!!!
) i know my parents are strapped for cash b/c they paid his ticket, his bills and so on.
that's where JB snapped - she snapped b/c she got really sad about the fact that she knew, something as simple as helping her to buy a new phone, her parents wouldn't be able to do.
and you'd think i'd be used to this by now?
but joual, he is amazing. i know he probably wanted to scream back and he didn't. and he's still mine. i got worried that he would be like "bitch, you crazy, get outta my house" or something along those lines. but he didn't. i know he cares. i think he also knows how horrible i feel about yelling at him like i did. i never want to do that again to him. he knows it. i'm a good girlfriend, i promise this, i just went crazy for a split second, but i think we all have those moments.
i really do have an amazing boyfriend.
but i have a new phone. maybe it was a blessing in disguise b/c i hated that phone (it erased all my pictures, would freeze on me and just be a bitch) and waned a new one. and i got a good deal - if i spend over 150 shekels a month, the phone is free (you pay per month on anew phone if you don't want to pay for it at once..i can't afford to pay for a new phone at once). since my plan is already for 200 shekels a month..no problem (and i am still paying off the broken phone). and i have unlimited internet for 23 shekels a month.
it's a nice phone. i just don't know how to get half the shit to work..haha.
and, finally (b/c i really do have to get dressed and go in about 10 minutes), i decided that i WILL look for some kind of internship w/in the next few weeks. i realized that i can't just have my job - my brain cells will die and despite how much i don't want to be in school, i still want to somehow be involved w/ something that stimulates the brain cells. i am going to talk to my prof on tuesday about possible internships (w/in israel) that i could try out for. i want to get more into the conflict/diplomacy field. i decided this after reading something about a person who had a degree, did fuck-all w/ it and now has some remedial job. i don't want to be that person. i want to show something for all the money i spent getting an education. so i am going to talk to my prof and see what can be done. besides, this way, i can also figure out what in the whole field i like.
i need to not have my degree go to waste.
and i am going to be writing an article for a graduate/young professional journal based out of england called "infinity." i am writing it on the problems of closing gitmo and why detention centers will always exist as a "necessary evil."
so yea, ii will keep data entry, i will continue on w/ the idea of opening a cupcake bakery, but i got to think about the plausible future too. so, hopefully, in a month or so...JB will have some way cool internship. b/c, really, that's the only kind i want - a way cool kind.
xoox
-JB
joual is having fun milking the fact that i raised my voice at him the other night during my phone freak out. i don't care, i feel horrible about what i did. something so small and so insignificant as a phone, and i flipped. i flipped at the person trying to help me...that is no good. it's the first time i've ever really been like that and i am going to take steps to make sure i don't get like that again. sometimes i just have a hard time, my brain automatically thinks that any bad thing is a big bag thing and i go into freak-out mode. but he's being super sweet too and not being (too much of) a jerk about it. he's being a jerk..but in a cute "you know i still love and care about you" way. i promised him that i wouldn't get like that again. there was no need to. nothing warrented it except when he mentioned my parents helping me. that's when freak-out happened. people who know me know that one thing i "resent" my parents for is the fact that i've had to work so damn hard and they were never around to help. i mean, looking back (b/c hindsight is always 20/20) it's made me a strong and independent person. i learned at a young age how to balance school and work and still do well in both. i am not mad at my parents, believe me, and i know that if they could, they'd do more. my dad tells me a lot that he wishes that he could support me so i wouldn't have to work 30+ hours a week and be a full time student - that i could just focus on my studies. but this, my friend, is not the reality of the situation, and i've come to accept this. i've also come to accept that i can't really ask my parents for help. most people think it's sooo amazing that my parents are here (and it is) and that they support me financially. i laugh. i owe my dad a big chunk of change. luckily, it's my dad, i have my life to pay it off. but especially w/ my brother coming in today (MY BROTHER IS LANDING IN ISRAEL TODAY!!!
) i know my parents are strapped for cash b/c they paid his ticket, his bills and so on.
that's where JB snapped - she snapped b/c she got really sad about the fact that she knew, something as simple as helping her to buy a new phone, her parents wouldn't be able to do.
and you'd think i'd be used to this by now?
but joual, he is amazing. i know he probably wanted to scream back and he didn't. and he's still mine. i got worried that he would be like "bitch, you crazy, get outta my house" or something along those lines. but he didn't. i know he cares. i think he also knows how horrible i feel about yelling at him like i did. i never want to do that again to him. he knows it. i'm a good girlfriend, i promise this, i just went crazy for a split second, but i think we all have those moments.
i really do have an amazing boyfriend.
but i have a new phone. maybe it was a blessing in disguise b/c i hated that phone (it erased all my pictures, would freeze on me and just be a bitch) and waned a new one. and i got a good deal - if i spend over 150 shekels a month, the phone is free (you pay per month on anew phone if you don't want to pay for it at once..i can't afford to pay for a new phone at once). since my plan is already for 200 shekels a month..no problem (and i am still paying off the broken phone). and i have unlimited internet for 23 shekels a month.
it's a nice phone. i just don't know how to get half the shit to work..haha.
and, finally (b/c i really do have to get dressed and go in about 10 minutes), i decided that i WILL look for some kind of internship w/in the next few weeks. i realized that i can't just have my job - my brain cells will die and despite how much i don't want to be in school, i still want to somehow be involved w/ something that stimulates the brain cells. i am going to talk to my prof on tuesday about possible internships (w/in israel) that i could try out for. i want to get more into the conflict/diplomacy field. i decided this after reading something about a person who had a degree, did fuck-all w/ it and now has some remedial job. i don't want to be that person. i want to show something for all the money i spent getting an education. so i am going to talk to my prof and see what can be done. besides, this way, i can also figure out what in the whole field i like.
i need to not have my degree go to waste.
and i am going to be writing an article for a graduate/young professional journal based out of england called "infinity." i am writing it on the problems of closing gitmo and why detention centers will always exist as a "necessary evil."
so yea, ii will keep data entry, i will continue on w/ the idea of opening a cupcake bakery, but i got to think about the plausible future too. so, hopefully, in a month or so...JB will have some way cool internship. b/c, really, that's the only kind i want - a way cool kind.
xoox
-JB
your bro, is he making aliyah? or is he just visiting? in any case i hope him a great time of relaxation...