so after i wrote that...shit hit the fan, even worse, to the point where i am about to bust into tears in front of my work computer and i'm tearing up on the phone to joual and screaming at my dad and all this other fun junk. my little bro is causing some drama. my dad was about to hop on a flight back to the US until i told him it wasn't going to do anything - just make matters worse. my brother has a high funtioning form of autism, i had to explain to my dad that you can't speak to him rationally, it doesn't work that way - he will take it all to heart (b/c of low self esteem) and scream and yell and that will kill any chance you would have of remaining in his life. in the end, he will chose what he wants to do and if he wants to be a complete idiot and screw things up by being...well, a complete idiot than that's his choice and we will have to deal w/ whatever consequences come along w/ that. i just want to tell his fiance more so than him that she needs to stop listening to her anti-semitic mother and go w/ her gut and do what makes them happy. and my brother needs to stick up for his beliefs and convictions - if he doesn't now, his fiance AND her mom are just going to walk all over him.
my mom is still upset, no longer crying at the recent turn of events but is sad none-the-less. she feels as though her son doesn't care about all she and our dad did for him, for us, while growing up to instill the religion in our heads and our hearts and so on.
what can you do?
joual and miriam were amazing though - they didn't coddle, they talked to me humanly and rationally which is what i needed. i at one point, almost had an asthma attack on the phone w/ my dad b/c i got so worked up, i needed their calming voices.
i know that the decision my brother has made and will make will affect this family, i have little doubt (unfortunately) that most of them will affect negatively, but what can i do? my dad said that the email i sent him was good - it said everything that needed to be said in a very diplomatic way and if he doesn't respond to that, then he won't respond to anything else. i just get scared that eventually he will stop talking to us altogether. we haven't heard from him in a few days and he is no doubt stewing...so, who knows. i sure as hell don't anymore. i haven't seen my brother in over a year, it hurts that things are getting like this.
i am so glad that he is happy and he found some one who makes him happy...i just don't want her and (apparently) her dumb bitch mother to walk all over him and use him.
arg.
i am baking cupcakes for joual right now. nothing fancy. just chocolate.
i am excited to start trying out funky recipes w/ miriam, that should be real exciting.
i am making cupcakes right now for joual...i will put the frosting on then tomorrow night though, i want them to be cool and whatnot. but they look yummy if i do say so myself
i had a vision that this is what i could be doing for the rest of my life, making cupcakes, and you know what, i am okay w/ that, really i am. i am actually excited about the fact that i could be playing in a kitchen. makes me smile.
then i decided that in order to combine my MA w/ my possible business venture - i could solve world conflicts w/ my cupcakes. hell, it can happen
still haven't written my 1.5 page (double spaced) paper - apparently, i am waiting for the cows to come home. but it is okay. i will wake up a bit earlier and bang something out. it's a pass/fail grade so i am not so worried. half a page summarizing and half a page analyzing...easy enough.
today has just been a harsh mental day...i am surprised i didn't fuck up (again) at work. in fact, i learned a new job today - calling insurance companies and asking for claim statuses - mainly why a certain medical procedure wasn't covered by the insurance so when the parents start bitching, we can tell them why they have to pay out of pocket. more unfortunately, however, it doesn't stop them from bitching. it's a sucky job though as some of the employers of the insurance companies aren't so nice - you can tell that they really hate what they do. you can tell that they don't like people asking why a certain claim was denied and how we can fix it. my "job" is to sound as perky as fucking possible, i think it aggravates them even more. and that, my friends, makes me smile. they don't like happy people. i think they have something against them. might be in the coffee.
i convinced my boss, until he hired another morning person, to let me work 9-5 on wednesdays. i don't like coming home at 8:30pm, doing hmwk til midnight or later and having to wake up early to go back to work at 8am. this way, i won't end up in a situation like this, where it's a quarter to 10am and all i want to do is go to sleep.
which i will.
soon.
but i need to pick out clothes for the AM so i don't go crazy ripping apart my room at 6am. somehow, doing it at 10pm seems more reasonable.
just need to get through tomorrow and friday morning. then i am off to see the boy. this is all i can think of. i am one-track-mind-JB right now. it's been a sucky few days and all i want to do is have him wrap his arms around me and give me a hug. he doesn't have to say anything, i just really need a hug.
and w/ that my dear friends, i bid adieu until next post, probably during class at some point when i am bored to tears....
xoox
-JB
my mom is still upset, no longer crying at the recent turn of events but is sad none-the-less. she feels as though her son doesn't care about all she and our dad did for him, for us, while growing up to instill the religion in our heads and our hearts and so on.
what can you do?
joual and miriam were amazing though - they didn't coddle, they talked to me humanly and rationally which is what i needed. i at one point, almost had an asthma attack on the phone w/ my dad b/c i got so worked up, i needed their calming voices.
i know that the decision my brother has made and will make will affect this family, i have little doubt (unfortunately) that most of them will affect negatively, but what can i do? my dad said that the email i sent him was good - it said everything that needed to be said in a very diplomatic way and if he doesn't respond to that, then he won't respond to anything else. i just get scared that eventually he will stop talking to us altogether. we haven't heard from him in a few days and he is no doubt stewing...so, who knows. i sure as hell don't anymore. i haven't seen my brother in over a year, it hurts that things are getting like this.
i am so glad that he is happy and he found some one who makes him happy...i just don't want her and (apparently) her dumb bitch mother to walk all over him and use him.
arg.
i am baking cupcakes for joual right now. nothing fancy. just chocolate.
i am excited to start trying out funky recipes w/ miriam, that should be real exciting.
i am making cupcakes right now for joual...i will put the frosting on then tomorrow night though, i want them to be cool and whatnot. but they look yummy if i do say so myself
i had a vision that this is what i could be doing for the rest of my life, making cupcakes, and you know what, i am okay w/ that, really i am. i am actually excited about the fact that i could be playing in a kitchen. makes me smile.
then i decided that in order to combine my MA w/ my possible business venture - i could solve world conflicts w/ my cupcakes. hell, it can happen
still haven't written my 1.5 page (double spaced) paper - apparently, i am waiting for the cows to come home. but it is okay. i will wake up a bit earlier and bang something out. it's a pass/fail grade so i am not so worried. half a page summarizing and half a page analyzing...easy enough.
today has just been a harsh mental day...i am surprised i didn't fuck up (again) at work. in fact, i learned a new job today - calling insurance companies and asking for claim statuses - mainly why a certain medical procedure wasn't covered by the insurance so when the parents start bitching, we can tell them why they have to pay out of pocket. more unfortunately, however, it doesn't stop them from bitching. it's a sucky job though as some of the employers of the insurance companies aren't so nice - you can tell that they really hate what they do. you can tell that they don't like people asking why a certain claim was denied and how we can fix it. my "job" is to sound as perky as fucking possible, i think it aggravates them even more. and that, my friends, makes me smile. they don't like happy people. i think they have something against them. might be in the coffee.
i convinced my boss, until he hired another morning person, to let me work 9-5 on wednesdays. i don't like coming home at 8:30pm, doing hmwk til midnight or later and having to wake up early to go back to work at 8am. this way, i won't end up in a situation like this, where it's a quarter to 10am and all i want to do is go to sleep.
which i will.
soon.
but i need to pick out clothes for the AM so i don't go crazy ripping apart my room at 6am. somehow, doing it at 10pm seems more reasonable.
just need to get through tomorrow and friday morning. then i am off to see the boy. this is all i can think of. i am one-track-mind-JB right now. it's been a sucky few days and all i want to do is have him wrap his arms around me and give me a hug. he doesn't have to say anything, i just really need a hug.
and w/ that my dear friends, i bid adieu until next post, probably during class at some point when i am bored to tears....
xoox
-JB
scarletletterman:
They're kicking off their tour in Tel Aviv, right? I must say that my tickets are excellent. Basically, 90% of the audience will be behind me. Because they are playing at the Hollywood Bowl, the tickets were pretty expensive. I paid 200 USD.