i feel as though i have just been ass raped, and not in the good "just for fun" pretending way that involves being tied up and a spanking (no pun intended) good time.
the exam...evil. and i actually studied this time. hardcore study. as in i actually read article summaries. as opposed to last time. saw the moed aleph exam some one got 100 on, if i didn't make 3 stupid errors i made, i could have gotten an 80. but i rush. i am given extra time b/c of my learning disability and i rush. i should have stuck w/ my 68. i still had a 76 in the class. but no. i had to prove that i am smart, that i get above 80s on everything and now, now i might have just done-near fucked myself over. i think i have this insane urge to prove myself. but i have no one to prove myself to. people know i am smart and i am capable. i guess maybe i just need to prove it to myself. and now i might have done worse. on the plus, other people left feeling the same way i did. it was a harder exam. there were 2 questions that i don't even remember him teaching. at all.
fuuuuuuucked.
and now i am committing grad school suicide by writing a paper on amnesty international's anti-israel bias and the current conflict in israel. it wouldn't be suicide if the prof. wasn't a known leftist. but i have to push buttons. this is what i do. luckily, my prof assured me that she isn't the type to give bad grades or grade more harsh if you write something against her beliefs. i just have to make sure it is a damn good paper and that my point is well done.
arg.
on the plus, i watched the latest big bang theory, that always puts a smile on my face. sheldon makes me giggle. here's a few fun reasons why...
and here's one more random tidbit...
joual might be home this weekend, might not. they have to have a lotto to see who will close base b/c there are pansy asses who are milking their sickness for all its worse by getting mass quantities of gimelim time (kind of like sick leave - it is a coveted thing, in fact, there are occasions where soldiers will pay off regular docs to write them notes to give them this...sad but true). so now joual and the rest of the guys who busted their ass on a 3 day winter warfare training simulation thing, some of them are going to end up on base for 21, exhausted and tired to all hell. it really isn't right at all. plus, i could really use the hug. after my fuck up w/ proctoring the exam yesterday (i missed a class on accident and had to give them extra time on their exam which kept me at school til 9pm last night...my prof says that it's okay and it happens, but if after 40 minutes, if the people watching the exam didn't see me come in, they should have called then, not 90+ minutes after the exam started) and the fuck up w/ the exam i took today...i'm just not in a good mood. and it's not giving me the motivation to work on my papers. granted, after an exam i refrain from school related crap for the rest of the day...that isn't the point.
the point is i am wondering "why bother" and "what's the use" and again "what the fuck am i doing in grad school." i just need something to cheer me up right around now.
if he comes home, it's just going to be mass quantities of good movies, good food and cuddle time. really, that's all i want. i just want to spend the weekend relaxing w/ my favorite person....ever. seriously, after my bitch-of-an-exam, i called him and he made me smile and that's all i needed. a smile. he made me feel better and told me that i probably did fine.
i know i leave exams a lot thinking i didn't do well, but this one was different, this one, gut feeling tells me i should have taken my 68 and ran w/ it like the wind.
but again, i thought i could do better. and i could have. if this exam wasn't an ass rape.
my brother's girlfriend (he still lives in the US) is looking to convert to judaism. she decided on her own as my brother didn't say anything. my mom already, before, asked me if her not being jewish should bother my mom. i told her that her son's happiness should come paramount. my brother has asperger's syndrome (high functioning form of autism) and those who know it know that these people have a hard time (among other things) making friends, being in relationships and just dealing w/ the interpersonal aspect of life. so, for him to have a steady girlfriend that loves him and takes care of him and knows that sometimes he has episodes and can deal w/ it (she just moved in w/ him..apparently come june, they are going to look for a house), that is the best thing and her religion shouldn't be part of it. but she is going to convert. he recently took her out to some fancy shmancy steak house and gave her a diamond necklace. i am really proud of my brother. we might have not had a good relationship for a long while, but me moving to israel was the best thing and now we are close.
so if the bitch breaks his heart, i will break her legs
so i know, w/in the next, i give it 6 months, my brother will be engaged and i will have a future sister-in-law that i hope to at some point meet before he does slip a ring on her finger. i think they might be visiting in the next few months and my brother will ask my dad and mom if he should. if my parents say yes, it's a go.
hmmm...what else did i write about last time? i don't remember. i think it's the blond coming out in me.
i am waiting for the heater to give me hot water so i can take a long hot shower.
then i am waiting to see if i am going to my friend's later for alcohol and chocolate cake. another thing that makes me happy, spending time w/ my best friend here in raanana. joual even asked if i was going over to her place b/c he knows she's the only other person that can make me feel better when i feel shitty.
purim is coming and i don't know what i am doing. i am almost content to sit on my ass and do nothing but write my next paper.
well, i think my shower is ready so i am going to go and relax and shower and watch my latest addiction - true blood. i blame my friend for that one b/c on her wedding day, it was all her and her makeup person would talk about and the term "fangbanger" got me intrigued.
fangbanger.
haha.
xoox
-JB
the exam...evil. and i actually studied this time. hardcore study. as in i actually read article summaries. as opposed to last time. saw the moed aleph exam some one got 100 on, if i didn't make 3 stupid errors i made, i could have gotten an 80. but i rush. i am given extra time b/c of my learning disability and i rush. i should have stuck w/ my 68. i still had a 76 in the class. but no. i had to prove that i am smart, that i get above 80s on everything and now, now i might have just done-near fucked myself over. i think i have this insane urge to prove myself. but i have no one to prove myself to. people know i am smart and i am capable. i guess maybe i just need to prove it to myself. and now i might have done worse. on the plus, other people left feeling the same way i did. it was a harder exam. there were 2 questions that i don't even remember him teaching. at all.
fuuuuuuucked.
and now i am committing grad school suicide by writing a paper on amnesty international's anti-israel bias and the current conflict in israel. it wouldn't be suicide if the prof. wasn't a known leftist. but i have to push buttons. this is what i do. luckily, my prof assured me that she isn't the type to give bad grades or grade more harsh if you write something against her beliefs. i just have to make sure it is a damn good paper and that my point is well done.
arg.
on the plus, i watched the latest big bang theory, that always puts a smile on my face. sheldon makes me giggle. here's a few fun reasons why...
and here's one more random tidbit...
joual might be home this weekend, might not. they have to have a lotto to see who will close base b/c there are pansy asses who are milking their sickness for all its worse by getting mass quantities of gimelim time (kind of like sick leave - it is a coveted thing, in fact, there are occasions where soldiers will pay off regular docs to write them notes to give them this...sad but true). so now joual and the rest of the guys who busted their ass on a 3 day winter warfare training simulation thing, some of them are going to end up on base for 21, exhausted and tired to all hell. it really isn't right at all. plus, i could really use the hug. after my fuck up w/ proctoring the exam yesterday (i missed a class on accident and had to give them extra time on their exam which kept me at school til 9pm last night...my prof says that it's okay and it happens, but if after 40 minutes, if the people watching the exam didn't see me come in, they should have called then, not 90+ minutes after the exam started) and the fuck up w/ the exam i took today...i'm just not in a good mood. and it's not giving me the motivation to work on my papers. granted, after an exam i refrain from school related crap for the rest of the day...that isn't the point.
the point is i am wondering "why bother" and "what's the use" and again "what the fuck am i doing in grad school." i just need something to cheer me up right around now.
if he comes home, it's just going to be mass quantities of good movies, good food and cuddle time. really, that's all i want. i just want to spend the weekend relaxing w/ my favorite person....ever. seriously, after my bitch-of-an-exam, i called him and he made me smile and that's all i needed. a smile. he made me feel better and told me that i probably did fine.
i know i leave exams a lot thinking i didn't do well, but this one was different, this one, gut feeling tells me i should have taken my 68 and ran w/ it like the wind.
but again, i thought i could do better. and i could have. if this exam wasn't an ass rape.
my brother's girlfriend (he still lives in the US) is looking to convert to judaism. she decided on her own as my brother didn't say anything. my mom already, before, asked me if her not being jewish should bother my mom. i told her that her son's happiness should come paramount. my brother has asperger's syndrome (high functioning form of autism) and those who know it know that these people have a hard time (among other things) making friends, being in relationships and just dealing w/ the interpersonal aspect of life. so, for him to have a steady girlfriend that loves him and takes care of him and knows that sometimes he has episodes and can deal w/ it (she just moved in w/ him..apparently come june, they are going to look for a house), that is the best thing and her religion shouldn't be part of it. but she is going to convert. he recently took her out to some fancy shmancy steak house and gave her a diamond necklace. i am really proud of my brother. we might have not had a good relationship for a long while, but me moving to israel was the best thing and now we are close.
so if the bitch breaks his heart, i will break her legs
so i know, w/in the next, i give it 6 months, my brother will be engaged and i will have a future sister-in-law that i hope to at some point meet before he does slip a ring on her finger. i think they might be visiting in the next few months and my brother will ask my dad and mom if he should. if my parents say yes, it's a go.
hmmm...what else did i write about last time? i don't remember. i think it's the blond coming out in me.
i am waiting for the heater to give me hot water so i can take a long hot shower.
then i am waiting to see if i am going to my friend's later for alcohol and chocolate cake. another thing that makes me happy, spending time w/ my best friend here in raanana. joual even asked if i was going over to her place b/c he knows she's the only other person that can make me feel better when i feel shitty.
purim is coming and i don't know what i am doing. i am almost content to sit on my ass and do nothing but write my next paper.
well, i think my shower is ready so i am going to go and relax and shower and watch my latest addiction - true blood. i blame my friend for that one b/c on her wedding day, it was all her and her makeup person would talk about and the term "fangbanger" got me intrigued.
fangbanger.
haha.
xoox
-JB
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ok, keep in touch... enjoy your weekend...
ps. in in chapter 9 yoda appears and gets addicted to vampire blood... but then chuck norris stages an intervention....