jellibean

its been a new low this past month
I lost my job
it mattered more to me than most things in my life
it's my fault
I havent been myself all summer
I always thought depression was an all consuming
cry for no reason, waste your life away in bed
hate the world and yourself kind of thing

I think maybe its more subtle than that sometimes

I feel like I lost one of my best friends
but I think I just realized that they've been gone
for awhile now

I feel like a dissapointment

classes started last week
its my senior year of college
and I feel worse off than when I got here
But I realize now that this isnt how I want to be
and Im gonna fix it
I have some great friends who do care
and have been there for me all this week
and made it easy for me to ask for help

I hate feelin so lost
Ive never been the kind of person to come so undone
Ive never had to pick up pieces that fell apart

god readin that sounds so lame
but I had to say it somewhere
and noone reads this anyways arghh