its like I love to hurt
stuck in this awkward place
where no feelings are substantial enough
scared as hell to let go and move on
but needing a change so bad
so I put myself
in to these situations where I get hurt
the pain is irrational and intense
and I do it to myself
how does one land on their feet
when it seems you're flat on your back
breathless b/c the wind dropped out of your lungs
praying that your lips would turn blue
knowin they wont b/c your heart still beats so damn hard
even if pieces of it are gone
I just want to live and be happy
grow to be someone that makes others happy
but it seems like everythin I have to do gets in the way
of the life I want to live, the example I want to make
how can day to day life get in the way of livin life?
Ive decided your 20's are just as confusin as your teens
and I bet by the time Im old it'll still be scary and confusin
how can I teach myself to be paitent w/myself? haha
journals and blogs ect really are soooo self masturbatory
but it helps me focus and not spin off on silly ideas
so deal
*******************************
1 more day till my vacation
outerbanks here I come
surfin, new people, big house, wild ponies, sun, nintendo and some drinkin
a whole week of doin whatever the hell I want
when I want
no multiple jobs, class, movin stuff,
no 'friends' who ignore me or dates who stand me up
(twice in one week--2 diff guys!)
I swear Im destined to keep lovers around and just adopt kids
oh on that note I was also asked last night to be a bridesmaid
for my friends weddin next summer
totally awesome Im happy to do it
and its fun to think about where Ill be in a year
:kissy kiss: smile and be kind
wait in anticipation for my bomb ass pictures from my trip
stuck in this awkward place
where no feelings are substantial enough
scared as hell to let go and move on
but needing a change so bad
so I put myself
in to these situations where I get hurt
the pain is irrational and intense
and I do it to myself
how does one land on their feet
when it seems you're flat on your back
breathless b/c the wind dropped out of your lungs
praying that your lips would turn blue
knowin they wont b/c your heart still beats so damn hard
even if pieces of it are gone
I just want to live and be happy
grow to be someone that makes others happy
but it seems like everythin I have to do gets in the way
of the life I want to live, the example I want to make
how can day to day life get in the way of livin life?
Ive decided your 20's are just as confusin as your teens
and I bet by the time Im old it'll still be scary and confusin
how can I teach myself to be paitent w/myself? haha
journals and blogs ect really are soooo self masturbatory
but it helps me focus and not spin off on silly ideas
so deal
*******************************
1 more day till my vacation
outerbanks here I come
surfin, new people, big house, wild ponies, sun, nintendo and some drinkin
a whole week of doin whatever the hell I want
when I want
no multiple jobs, class, movin stuff,
no 'friends' who ignore me or dates who stand me up
(twice in one week--2 diff guys!)
I swear Im destined to keep lovers around and just adopt kids
oh on that note I was also asked last night to be a bridesmaid
for my friends weddin next summer
totally awesome Im happy to do it
and its fun to think about where Ill be in a year
:kissy kiss: smile and be kind
wait in anticipation for my bomb ass pictures from my trip
life doen't get any easier I'm told, so, like my interviewer said, put your head down and come up with something...I guess
it might help me get into the city and give me some decent income for a few months while I'm looking for something better. I don't think I'll be able to just step into a great position at a top restaurant. I may have to work the scene a little