jeffd

Obviously I don't really update this at all (its been over a year), but I feel the need to let this out and talking is harder than typing.

I've been at my parents for Christmas/New Years along with my brother and our family dog. We had noticed that she (our dog Brandy) has been limping very slightly for the last week or so. To be safe earlier today we took her to the vet to get her checked out. It was going to be a while before they could fit her in and since she seemed mostly fine (we figured she had arthritis acting up or something minor, she's 13, relatively old for a lab) so we left her there for a little while and went into town.

My parents got a phone call and we went back to the vet early. It seems she has bone cancer in her left front leg (and possibly in other parts of the body, its hard to tell with an x-ray) and in the act of putting her onto the x-ray machine her weakened bone fractured. With the state of the bone it was bound to happen shortly with any random fall or bump.

They splinted the leg and put her on pain medication, but due to the cancer there's no chance of it healing. The vet recommend we put her down soon. She said it would be ok for us to bring her home and give her a couple days to say goodbye to everyone (the pain medication seems to be working, the fact that she cant walk properly with the splint on seems to be bothering her more than anything else). The only possible treatment would be amputating her leg and then chemotherapy; which would only have a small chance of success since the cancer has likely spread already. Even if it was guaranteed to work, weather or not we could afford the treatment is questionable. I know there is no way that I could, and my parents aren't exactly wealthy.

Right now were waiting to get a hold of my brother who left yesterday to go back to school to see if he wants to come back and say goodbye.

I feel bad, not only because what is happening, but also because this is nearly hurting me more than when some people I know have died. Brandy's 13 and I've grown up with her for more than half my life, I guess it just comes from having spend much more time with her than either my grandmother or cousin who both died years ago. I suppose its the suddenness, in both other cases everyone had months to prepare for it. Anyways, I shouldn't go looking for extra things to feel bad about. I cant control how events make me feel any more than I can control the events that are causing the feeling.

I guess I just needed to write that out. Thanks for listening.