.........
Smoke weed, third day, now my chest feels tight and it's hard to breathe.... I wonder if I have asthma :\ or maybe i'm just paranoid... or maybe I shouldn't be surprised when I smoke and end up with difficulty breathing... heh
Oh yeah, and I met the perfect girl and i'm head over heals madly beyond in love with her, and she barely knows my name.... kinda strange but i've felt this way for over three years.
well, that's an entry.
Smoke weed, third day, now my chest feels tight and it's hard to breathe.... I wonder if I have asthma :\ or maybe i'm just paranoid... or maybe I shouldn't be surprised when I smoke and end up with difficulty breathing... heh
Oh yeah, and I met the perfect girl and i'm head over heals madly beyond in love with her, and she barely knows my name.... kinda strange but i've felt this way for over three years.
well, that's an entry.
It's so weird how I can have a feeling so pure and so right yet if I came out and told her i'd probably just creep her out. Fuck. I know this feeling's real tho. Shit, i've had my fare share of infatuations and sexual lusts but this has lasted for almost three and a half years, with barely any contact at all except the occasional flirtatious glance. Every time I see her it's like we both want to speak but niether of us can.. shit She strikes me fuckin' speechless and I didn't think the shit was more then fairytale nonsense until I met her.
The Song Magdalena by A Perfect Circle describes my feeling perfectly (subliminal meaning and interpretations aside).
"Overcome by your
Moving temple
Overcome by this
Holiest of altars
So pure
So rare
To witness such an earthly goddess
I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time
One chance
One kiss
One taste of you my magdalena
I bear witness
To this place, this prayer, So long forgotten
So pure
So rare
To witness such an earthly goddess
That I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time
For one chance
One kiss
One taste of you my black madonna
I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time
One taste
One taste
One taste of you my Magdalena"
It's not desperation, and I don't want to control her at all. What I want is to fall in love with her, as deeply as any two people can possibly fall in love. I honestly don't give a fuck about anything but my relationship with her when i'm around her, and I mean relationship in the most literal sense since I obviously have not had any sexual contact with her. She's got this beauty which is so much more then anything almost anyone can imagine or even percieve. She's physically pretty to an extent I can't possibly describe, and it's like her soul radiates out from her like an halo of wellness and pure joy. It's so incredibly beautiful. That's all I can say, beautiful, over and over but it doesn't even come close to doing her justice.
Fuck, this sounds corny as HELL but the fucked up thing is it's all as real as I can possibly be because there is nothing I know better then my feelings and there's no stronger feeling i've ever had.. let alone for such an extended period. Fuck, i've had it from the first moment I saw her.